


ECHO: Shattered Remains

by Red7s



Category: Echo (Visual Novel 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Explicit Language, Graphic Description of Corpses, Hallucinations, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Nightmares, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:27:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 52,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28004658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red7s/pseuds/Red7s
Summary: Chase wishes it hadn't all fallen apart. He's lived with Leo for three years now, and in all that time he's never spoken to any of the others. Flynn's doing his own thing, Carl is holed up in his mansion, Jenna and TJ are in college. And Sydney's been gone for a long time.But since when has that ever stopped trauma swept under the rug, nightmares unremembered, tension festering beneath the surface?Following a feeling he can't explain, Chase will bring all of his old friends back to the town full of memories for all of them, memories both painful and happy. But it's been a long time, and how can they hope to reconcile when they've never found closure...or the truth?(An AU in which there is nothing supernatural within Echo, and Chase did not leave for college. Expect quite a bit of canon divergence! Hope you all enjoy!)
Relationships: Leo Alvarez/Chase Hunter
Comments: 36
Kudos: 38





	1. Stare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not even living with the love of his life can stop the nightmares. The hallucinations. And especially not how much he hates himself.

_I walk down the familiar path to Lake Emma, not really sure of why I'm out there, what I'm trying to do. I look up at the sky, so brightly filled with stars and the beautiful Milky Way; maybe the only thing beautiful about this place._

_I finally stop once I feel sand beneath my feet, and I look down to see I'm only in my underwear. Despite this, I don't feel cold at all. I look around slowly, scanning the beach around the lake...and then I see a figure in the distance, facing away from me, just staring at the surface of the water._

_I don't know why, but I walk towards them, even as every logical part of my mind tells me that in this town, nobody outside this late is likely to be a safe person to approach. But I keep going._

_My heart begins to pound, and I stop walking about ten feet behind the (now distinctly male) figure. I don't say anything, but he slowly turns around to face me._

_He's got a smug smile on his face that I immediately dislike, but that does nothing to lessen my fear as he stares at me. He's an otter, a little taller than me, and much larger, his black shirt pulled tight against his muscular body...although needle marks that litter his arms make it a mystery how he isn't wasting away like all of the other meth-heads around here._

_"Like what you see?" He sneers, clearly noticing my observing of him. "Always suspected you'd turn out to be a fag. Leo, too." I don't know who this guy is, but even so, his words piss me off._

_"And who the Hell are_ you _to judge me?" I ask, my fists clenched...though it’s an empty gesture. Even if he wasn’t so huge, I’ve never been good in a fight._

_"Don't remember me, huh?" His smirk quickly vanishes, and he slowly removes his sunglasses...revealing bright blue eyes. "You will soon enough, Chase." Then he coughs, and as his mouth opens, something large and covered in bristly hair begins to crawl out of his mouth._

_A fucking tarantula._

_I can't help it. I scream and jump backwards, landing on my ass in the sand as the otter laughs, his voice slowly becoming distorted until it no longer sounds human, more and more tarantulas crawling out of his mouth, a whole swarm of them, their beady, glimmering eyes focused on me as they skitter across the sand._

_I can't move._

_I'm frozen in place as they crawl all over me, feeling their needlelike fangs stabbing into my skin as they bite me all over._

_As I scream, one of them begins to crawl into my mouth._

* * *

I sit up in bed, screaming, tears matting down the fur on my cheeks. I instinctively swipe at my body with my paws, still able to feel hundreds of legs crawling all over me, and it isn't until I'm absolutely sure that there's nothing on me that I manage to relax, every other breath coming out as a choked sob...and then I look over at Leo, the large red wolf lying on his side, facing away from me. He usually wakes up immediately when I have nightmares like this...but he's still sound asleep. I sniffle a bit and wipe my eyes, reaching out to rest my paw on his arm...when I see something wiggle under his shirt. I freeze, my heart pounding once again, but I don't see the wiggling again, and I let out a shaky sigh of relief as I pull at Leo's arm, rolling him onto his back.

His eyes are missing.

As I yelp and leap off of the bed, tripping back and hitting my head against his desk, black tarantulas crawl out of the sockets.

* * *

This time when I wake up, I don't bother to scream. I bolt out of the bed and make a mad dash to the bathroom, vaguely acknowledging the sounds of Leo groaning as he wakes up.

I collapse to my knees and put my face over the toilet just in time as I puke into it with a loud sob that shakes my whole body, and as I look down, I recognize the mush of the shitty TV dinner we'd eaten when we got home from work, and with another wet-sounding heave from my stomach, I puke again.

I barely register the baritone of Leo swearing in Spanish, and then his heavy, but surprisingly quick footsteps as he charges into the bathroom.

He's only in the doorway for a moment before he's kneeling down beside me, his large paw gently rubbing my back, and because he's tired it takes him a moment to start telling me "it's okay" over and over again in English rather than in his first language. For some reason, all I can think of at the moment is that I feel bad I’ve never shown much of an interest in learning the language.

Now sure that I'm finished losing my dinner, I blindly reach for the lever and flush the toilet, sobbing again as I lean over against Leo, pressing my face into his broad chest. His arms wrap around me, far more loosely than he usually does, and he stops speaking, waiting for me to decide whether or not I want to talk about it.

“I can’t remember…” I finally whisper. Leo nods silently and continues to rub my back, nuzzling my headfur gently.

“I love you, _chula…_ ” He whispers, his voice tired and husky, but comforting as always.

“I love you too…”

I must have fallen asleep eventually, because I wake up to the sound of Leo in the kitchen, cooking something. He usually makes something with peppers in it, and the thought alone makes my stomach clench as if to throw up what little of dinner might still be in my stomach...but thankfully, I don’t smell any peppers, which means he probably didn’t include them to keep me from possibly getting sick again. I can’t help but smile at the thought.

That smile vanishes quickly as I remember last night, and though I want to try to remember what scared me so badly, a bigger part of me thinks it’s better if I forget.

And then, inexplicably, I feel like talking about what happened. I sigh, a weight settling in my stomach as I get up, not bothering to get dressed as I make my way into the kitchen.

Leo also isn’t dressed, and he’s facing away from me, so I lean against the wall, a small smile growing on my face as I watch the muscles in his back and shoulders flex. He’s gotten bigger over the years we’ve been together. I finally let out a breath that’s just a bit too loud, and his ears flick towards me before he turns with a gentle smile.

“ _Buenos días,_ otter.” He turns back to the food again. “Have a seat, it will be ready soon.” I nod, even though he can’t see that, and I sit at the small table, on the side that ensures I’m facing him. I’m pretty certain about what his position will be on this issue, but ultimately I decide to press on.

“Leo, can we talk about something?” I ask tentatively, trying to lead up to this as vaguely as possible. Leo pauses for a moment, but quickly continues preparing breakfast.

“Of course, _chula._ What about?” His response is a _tad_ too cheerful. I take a deep breath, readying myself for what I know is coming my way.

“...Sydney,” I reply.

The response is immediate. Leo’s whole body tenses and his arm jerks a bit, sliding the skillet across the eye of the stove with a loud scrape that makes us both wince before Leo (sort of) calms down. He takes a slow, deep breath and turns off the stove, moving the food off of the eye and turning around.

He’s clearly trying not to look as worried as he is, but he’s never been good at hiding how he feels. He’s leaning back a bit, his hands braced against the counter on either side of the stove, a normally relaxed position...but his arms are tensed, and his strong chest is rising and falling pretty rapidly. He _really_ hates having this conversation, and I’m expecting him to give me the usual spiel about trying to be happy and forget the bad things.

So I’m surprised when he gestures for me to keep going with one hand. In fact, it stuns me so much it takes me a moment to articulate what I want to say.

“I…” Well, fuck. Suddenly, what I really want to tell him gets stuck in my throat. After a few seconds of opening and closing my mouth like an idiot, Leo speaks.

“Are you okay, _chula_?” Some of his tension has disappeared, at least, which helps me relax a bit as well. But I still can’t say what I want to. I may have gotten farther than usual today, but Leo...he won’t understand. He doesn’t want to.

“I don’t think less of you,” I finally say, thanking God above that I’m not lying to him...at least, not entirely. “I never have. It wasn’t your fault.” Leo’s tensed up again, and I think I must have said something wrong, because his breathing is much heavier, and he turns away from me again, going back to cooking. “Leo-”

“What brought this on?” He asks, his voice trembling a little bit as he tries to sound neutral.

“I…” I shake my head and close my eyes, resting my head in one hand as a headache begins to form. “I don’t know, Leo, I just…”

“We can talk about this later.” He interjects, and I hear him getting plates and setting one down in front of me. “Eat first, and then I have to go to work.” I suddenly don’t feel much like eating, but I force myself to anyway.

Usually I hate when he and I don’t have the same days off, but today I think it’s for the best.

He won’t like what I’ll be up to today anyway.

* * *

I watch Leo’s van drive away much faster than usual, and he keeps his window closed instead of opening it a bit to wave as he leaves. I stick my hands in my pockets and wait until the clouds of dust clear, and by then the van is almost out of sight.

I go inside and grab my phone, scrolling through my contacts. I pause at Carl’s name, but ultimately decide not to call. I don’t think calling him for the first time in, what, at least a year, just to talk about trauma would be good for him.

So instead I call someone else.

Flynn doesn’t pick up, which doesn’t exactly surprise me. He rarely responded to my texts even back when we still talked regularly. When we were still friends.

Flynn’s always been kind of an asshole, but that thought causes a knife to twist in my chest. Without thinking, I leave a voicemail, even though I doubt he’ll listen to it.

“Hey Flynn, it’s, uh...it’s Chase.” _God you’re so stupid…_ “I need to talk to you, okay? It’s...it’s important. Call me back.” I hang up and sigh, chewing on my lower lip as I briefly debate texting him before dismissing it. Calling him was a bad idea anyway.

I continue scrolling and pause at Jenna’s name...and then I keep going. She probably changed her number. She seemed pretty disappointed when I told her I wasn’t going to Pueblo...at least, not yet. Carl was pretty bummed about it, too. Sometimes I wonder if he would’ve stayed if I’d gone with them.

I begin to rub my face with my other paw as I keep scrolling...and I hesitate. _Don’t do it, Chase...he’s finally doing better, he’s happy, he’s probably having a great day, don’t ruin it for him._

I call him.

_You’re a terrible person. Always have been._

He answers on the second ring.

“Hello?” His voice is as cheerful as it always is, as if I haven’t gone nearly three years without saying a word to him. The words stick in my throat again.

**_Shouting crying panic_ **

**_Jenna sprints towards town_**

**_Flynn and Carl ask what happened_ **

**_Leo trying to comfort TJ_ **

**_I pull him out of the water_ **

**_Sydney just stares_ **

“...hi, Toby.” I quickly correct myself. “Hi TJ.” A brief silence, and the lynx’s cheeriness sounds just a tad forced. Unless I’m imagining it.

“Oh, hey Chase! How’s it going?”

“Well, uh…” _This wasn’t a good idea._ “Fine. How’re you?”

“Good! You just, uh...caught me about to go to practice.” I look at the clock. It’s not even nine yet.

“Oh.” Silence as I process that TJ just lied to me. “I’ll catch you later then.”

“Chase, wai-” I hang up and stuff my phone into my pocket. Without really thinking about it, I grab my keys and walk outside, getting into my car and driving.

I have no clue where I’m going, or what I want to do when I get there...wherever ‘there’ is.

At least, not until I see a familiar tall Gila walking down the road.

I immediately slam on the brakes, wincing as I’m jolted forward. Must’ve been going faster than I thought. I roll down the window and look out at Flynn. He’s glaring at me, but I can’t tell if that’s still his trademark expression or if he’s specifically giving me the stink eye.

“Get in,” is all I say. He looks like he’s about to say something snide, but apparently sees something in my expression, because he slowly gets in without a word. He barely gets buckled in before I start driving again. For a moment I think he’s going to go the whole ride without saying anything.

“Trouble in paradise, muskshit?”

There it is.

“Not really.” I feel like that shouldn’t piss me off as much as it does. Leo and I are fine. Kind of.

“Really? Usually you only remember we exist when you have a reason not to be attached to him and his dick.”

“Flynn, I want to talk about Sydney.” That shuts him up real quick, and I don’t have to look to imagine the smirk that was no doubt growing on his face vanishing. It’s only when I say this that I realize where we’re headed.

I park near enough to the lake that we can see it, but not so close that we have to get out of the car. I’m sure that annoys Flynn, but I don’t care as I turn to look at him. His expression is surprisingly neutral, but after a few seconds he’s clearly growing impatient, so I speak quickly.

“Do you ever think about what Sydney would look like now? If he were our age?”

“Did you have to drive me all the way here to ask me that?”

“Flynn.”

“Fine, fuck. Yeah, I do.” He crosses his arms. “A lot, actually.” He pauses and looks over at me, and his expression quickly hardens. “He’s been dead since you were nine and you _just now_ feel like talking about him? Why not bring this shit up with Leo?” I don’t answer that, because honestly I don’t think I need to. Flynn knows how Leo feels about the whole situation. But I do know I need to say _something,_ so I do.

“I’m sorry.” I don’t know what kind of reaction I was expecting, but it _certainly_ wasn’t for him to intensify his already pretty harsh glare.

“Don’t apologize for shit that isn’t your fault. Besides, that was an empty apology anyway. I doubt he’s crossed your mind once before today.” He _knows_ that isn’t true, I know he does, and I also realize that he’s riling me up on purpose.

“You know what?” I start...and then I just sigh and turn away, staring out at the lake, frowning. Flynn doesn’t say anything. “I really can’t do anything to not make you hate me, can I?” He doesn’t respond to that. I reach to start the car again, frustration and a little bit of shame rushing through me. This was a stupid idea. I shouldn’t have dragged Flynn into this. If he didn’t hate my guts before, I’m sure he does now.

_Honestly, what did you expect? Three years since you last had a conversation and you’re just opening a wound that never really closed. Fucking pathetic._

Flynn reaches out, his hand rough but cool against my wrist as he grabs it tightly.

“Fuck’s sake, Chase, I don’t _hate_ you.” That...is definitely a surprise, but I don’t say anything in case something stupid flies out of my mouth again (which is pretty likely). “It just never felt like any of you treated what happened with any kind of...fuck, I don’t even know. Respect, I guess? I mean, come on,” he looks me right in the eyes, and behind the frustration I can sense a sort of...catharsis, and I’m left wondering how long he’s been sitting on this. “Jenna told Carl she was _glad_ he died. How fucked up is that?” That... _was_ a rather harsh thing for her to say, but at the same time, looking at how Sydney acted towards TJ growing up...I can sort of understand it.

It bothers me that I don’t feel guilty about that.

As Flynn continues, I look out at the lake again...and I see a figure standing at the edge of the distant water. It’s broad daylight, but for some reason they’re just a silhouette. The figure is facing away from us, and Flynn’s voice fades away as I lean forward, trying to focus...the only distinguishing features I can see are a long, thick tail and short, rounded ears...both of which are similar to mine.

An otter.

**_He just stares_ **

As I watch, the figure seems to turn their head, and I get the distinct feeling that they’re watching me. Specifically me. And then their head turns again...and they start walking into the water.

**_He just stares_ **

“Hey!” I jolt and look at Flynn, my eyes widened. He looks annoyed, but upon seeing my expression it shifts into what looks like...worry. Something I haven’t seen on Flynn’s face (at least directed at me) in a long time. “Chase, what’ve you been staring at?” I don’t answer at first, looking back towards the figure.

**_And Sydney just stares_ **

They’re chest-deep in the water by now, and yet they keep going, not even waving their arms in their water, and they keep going at the same speed, like somehow their feet are still firmly planted in the sand.

“You...you don’t see that?” I ask, my voice coming out in a near-whisper. I don’t look at Flynn, but in my peripheral I can sense him follow my gaze, and then look back at me.

“Chase, what the fuck are you talking about?” As I watch, barely registering his apparent inability to see the figure, they keep going until their head disappears beneath the water. But I can still see the dark shape in the water, and they still haven’t stopped. It isn’t until I can no longer track them with my eyes that I see bubbles begin to appear at the surface. My chest freezes.

**_He just stares he just stares he just stares_ **

“Oh my God.”

I don’t even think. I throw open the door to my car and bolt out of it, not bothering to look back as I hear Flynn call for me.

**_Sydney just stares he won’t stop staring why won’t he stop_ **

I don’t bother with taking off my clothes. I dive into the water, going as quickly as I can beneath the surface to try and find the figure.

**_Leo what’s wrong with Sydney why won’t he move_ **

Finally, I think I can make them out in the water. They’re much smaller than I initially thought, maybe just a kid. I swim towards them, not bothering to stop and wonder why I’m freaking out about an otter being under for only about a minute.

**_Sydney_ **

About why they somehow seemed to have _walked_ in water, with no buoyancy whatsoever. That in the mid-morning they were only a silhouette.

**_Just_ **

I get within a few feet before I can finally make out their features...and I freeze, bubbles of air drifting from my mouth to the surface as I yelp.

It’s Sydney.

He looks just like he did on that day, right down to the dumb luchador swimming trunks he had on.

His eyes are wide open, piercing into mine.

**_S t a r e s_ **

He’s grinning at me.

Forgetting that I’m in water, that this can’t possibly be real, I scream.

A pair of arms wrap around me from behind, and I thrash around, trying to break free, and I can still see Sydney, his eyes frozen, only staring at me.

He’s still grinning.

_I have to get out, I have to break free, why don’t they let go, who’s grabbing me, let me go let me go LET ME GO._

We break the surface, and I begin to cough, bawling like a scared toddler throwing a fit as whoever grabbed me drags me back onto the shore, swearing profusely the whole time.

Finally they let go, letting me drop to the ground, and I try to crawl away, but I can barely move, so I just let my head rest on the sand as tears finally spill from my eyes.

They grab me again, and I don’t react, no longer caring. All I can see is Sydney, his dead body floating in the water, staring at me. I’m lifted halfway up onto someone, and through my tear-blurred vision I see orange and gray scales, purple hair, and...turquoise eyes.

_Flynn?_

“Jesus fucking _Christ_ Chase, what the fuck?!” He asks, his voice cracking at the last word as he quickly rubs his rough hand over my arm. I barely feel it. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, you’re freezing...shit, what were you _thinking?!_ ” He lifts me up and starts to carry me towards the car, but suddenly all I can think about is how worried he sounds. I made him panic like this. I brought him out here. I just made him relive something he’s never been able to move on from since it happened.

_Why do you fuck everything up?_

I barely register it as he puts me in the passenger seat, being careful not to shut my tail in the door as he gets into the driver’s side and starts the car, turning on the heat.

“Already over ninety degrees _and_ I’m turning on the heat...you fucking owe me, muskshit.” This sounds more like the Flynn I know...but his voice is shaky. “Shit, what am I gonna tell Leo…”

_Leo’s going to worry about you. When he worries, he doesn’t do as well at work. Sometimes he even skips work, and then his dad gets angry, and then Leo’s in a bad mood. You can’t ruin his life too._

“Don’t…” I manage to whisper. Flynn’s head snaps towards me. “Don’t tell Leo…” And then, even though it makes me feel stupid, I start crying again. Flynn looks away from me again, at the lake, and then he curses quietly and reaches over, buckling me in. He doesn’t bother to do the same for himself as he makes a U-turn, driving so quickly that everything passes in a blur.

I start apologizing again, over and over, and this time Flynn doesn’t say anything.


	2. Circumstance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes seeing how bad Chase is doing for Flynn and Leo to realize that too much has been left unsaid for far too long.

I can sincerely say that I’ve never been so uncomfortable in Carl’s home before in my life.

I’m sure Flynn wants answers from me, but mostly I’m just trying to process how different my two old friends look. Was Flynn that tall the last time I saw him? I definitely don’t remember him wearing his shirts like that. Had Carl been working out?

The Ram and Gila are in a nearby room, talking quietly, and though they’re still within line of sight, I can’t really hear them. I can’t really hear the tv either, even though I think it’s pretty loud. I don’t try to find the remote to turn it down. Don’t feel like rifling through all the fast food wrappers.

My clothes were soaked, obviously, so Flynn had me take them off to throw in Carl’s dryer. Right now I’m sitting on the couch in just a towel. Glad that my body is one of the few things I’m not self-conscious about. Well, how it looks anyway.

The AC is on, and I keep shivering, but I don’t try to say anything. If Flynn hadn’t made Carl turn it off yet, then he was probably pretty confident I wasn’t going to freeze to death or something. I wonder what they’re talking about?

_ Carl wants you to leave, never wants to see you again. He doesn’t need people like you making him feel like shit. Like you always used to. _

I wish I had a blanket instead so I could just curl up beneath it. What I really want is to take a nap...I’ve never felt this drained just from swimming before...I couldn’t have been in the water for longer than a minute or two, right?

I look up and see that Flynn is standing in front of me, his arms crossed, eyes examining me. Carl’s on the recliner, staring at me with an expression I can only describe as wary.

_ Because now they know you’re fucking crazy. _

“Are you okay?” I ask Flynn quietly. This seems to catch him off guard. “You’re cold-blooded…” If I’d been freezing, he must’ve been barely able to move when we’d been in the water. Flynn stares at me for a moment before finally deciding to talk.

“You’re lucky, you know that? Phone fell out of your pocket before you were halfway down the beach, so it’s not wet.” He pulls it out of his pocket and hands it to me. I set it down, thanking him quietly. “So, feel like telling me what the Hell that was yet?” I really, really don’t, so I stay silent. I haven’t looked up at him, but I’m sure he’s probably annoyed. “Chase, I dove into freezing cold water at ten in the morning. At  _ Lake Emma. _ Just to save your ass.”

“How long was I under the water?” I ask, suddenly positive that I won’t like the answer.

“Almost ten minutes.” Somehow, I feel even colder with that statement, and I rub my eyes.

“I want to go home.” I finally say, still not looking up at him or Carl. “I’m sorry I bothered you, and I’m sorry you had to jump in after me.”  _ He shouldn’t have.  _ “But right now, I just want to go home and sleep.” I realize how dead my expression sounds even to my own ears, and I finally look up.

Flynn is staring down at me like he doesn’t know what to say. Rendering him speechless is a very rare occurrence, and if it were when we were still in high school, I suppose I would’ve enjoyed it. But this feels more like I just worried him. I don’t dare to look at Carl.

_ Good. You don’t deserve his friendship. You never did. _

“...alright.” Flynn finally says, looking over at Carl. “Get his clothes.” I hear Carl get up, hesitate, and then his hoofsteps as he leaves the room. As soon as he’s gone, Flynn speaks again, his eyes boring into mine. “Chase…” His tone is almost pleading. “Just tell me what happened. I thought...fuck, I didn’t know  _ what _ to think. I still don’t.”

“Sometimes I see things. Or I have nightmares.” I don’t elaborate.

“How long have you had them?”

“How long has it been since Sydney died?” He doesn’t respond, instantly understanding what I’m trying to imply. “Shit, Chase…”

“Please, Flynn...just take me home…”

“...okay.”

* * *

Carl is following us in his car so he can drive Flynn back to his mansion. Flynn says that’s where he was headed anyway before I picked him up. I drove him out of his way by several miles.

_ Stupid. _

I look down at my phone, panic gripping my chest as I see that I missed three calls and six texts from Leo. He didn’t leave a voicemail.

“Yeah...didn’t want to answer and him get the wrong idea.” Flynn says, rubbing the back of his neck.

“He knows I’d never do that…” I reply, but I understand what he means. I still remember the time he punched Flynn in the muzzle for flirting with me a bit just to provoke the wolf. They didn’t speak for days before Jenna finally got sick of it and forced them to apologize to each other.

I miss her. I should’ve tried to call her, too. And not just today. I look over at Flynn, and I’m wearing damp clothes, and I’m miserable, and I’m afraid...but I remember that this guy, no matter how big of an asshole...was also one of my best friends.

“I missed you.” He looks at me, and the fact that this is apparently a news flash for him stings. I try to cover it with an uneasy laugh. “I’m sure it’s hard to believe, but I did. I do.” And then I look away, out of my window as Leo’s house appears in the distance. Flynn doesn’t say anything back. Can’t blame him.

“Shit…” He mutters. I look up ahead and freeze, a pit forming in my stomach.

Leo’s van is parked outside the house.

“Just let me out here.” I tell him. “Just stop and go with Carl. I’ll drive myself from here. I’ll think of something to tell him.”

“You’re gonna tell him the truth.” Flynn replies, his tone firm as he keeps driving. My heart begins to pound like a drum. I wonder if Flynn can hear it. “If you don’t tell him, I will. I’m not gonna take his bullshit about ‘forgetting’ when his boyfriend nearly drowned himself.” I wonder if Flynn’s arms are trembling because of the rough terrain. His grip is tight on the steering wheel. I want to protest, to tell him to park the car and get out, to leave with Carl, let me handle this, but apparently the fact that he’s a stubborn bastard hasn’t changed.

Leo’s already out of the door before we even have time to park, and his fangs are bared in a furious snarl. I feel like I’m on the verge of a panic attack. I’m not afraid of Leo; I never have been, and he’s given me no reason to be.

I’m afraid for Flynn.

Apparently the gila has a death wish, because he immediately gets out of the car, staring at Leo impassively as the wolf gets closer. I get out of the car as quick as I can and move to stand between them.

“Leo, please calm down, I just-” Flynn grabs my arm and pushes me out of the way. He doesn’t do it very aggressively or roughly, but Leo growls all the same.

“Go inside, otter.” Leo says, amber eyes never leaving Flynn’s bright blue ones. “You and I will talk soon.”

“Leo, I just-”

“ _ Chase.” _ I pause, looking at Flynn.

He doesn’t look back at me, his expression neutral, hands in his pockets...but he’s visibly tense, ready to defend himself if Leo starts a physical fight.

I didn’t hear Carl get out of his car, but I feel his large hand against my back as he silently leads me inside. I finally look over at him. He looks even more afraid of what’s about to happen than I do.

As soon as we shut the door, the muffled shouting begins. I try to ignore it and walk towards our bedroom, planning to change into dry clothes, when I remember Carl’s still here and I look back at him, unsure of what to say.

He’s sitting on the couch, hunched over and staring at the floor. His wide shoulders are rising and falling, and I hope he isn’t about to have a panic attack. I always hated when he had those, because there was really nothing I could do to help with them. It made me feel more useless than usual.

“If you’re hungry, we probably have something in the fridge…” I offer, my voice sounding oddly weak. Carl looks up at me, and I notice that his eyes actually aren’t reddened or bloodshot. Which means he hasn’t lit up in awhile. I would offer him something to help him chill out, but the most me and Leo usually do is just drink. The only thing I can think of that might help him is some melatonin I have in a cabinet, and I’m really not sure that feeling sleepy is going to do anything about being panicked. Carl looks back down at the floor, and my ears heat up with shame as I turn away and walk into the bedroom.

I think the last visitor we had was Kudzu a few months ago, but he didn’t stay the night since his trailer is right next door, but I imagine if we ever  _ did _ have overnight guests we’d give them the bedroom Leo’s parents used to have. I brought up the idea that we move into it once instead, and we even tried sleeping in it one night, but it felt awkward and, weirdly enough, too spacious. Leo and I are usually cuddled up close enough that Leo’s much smaller bed works just fine. It’s something we’re used to.

I shake my head. I can reminisce about our (embarrassing) first sleepover as boyfriends later. I quickly change and throw the damp clothes into the dryer before returning to the couch, leaving some space between us as I sit down.

“I’m sorry,” I finally force myself to say, “for putting you through this.” Despite his current condition, Carl shakes his head.

“Nah, man, it’s fine.” He looks over at me with a smile that’s somehow both sad and happy at the same time. “Was just hoping when I finally saw you again it’d be under...better circumstances.”

“Me too,” is all I can think of to say, but it occurs to me right away that I can’t remember the last time I thought about visiting Carl. Leo and I are always so busy…

_ Busy being attached at the hip. Don’t make excuses for abandoning people. _

I shut my eyes tightly and lower my head. The yelling hasn’t stopped yet.

“...so what’ve you got in the fridge?” Carl suddenly asks. My head snaps up as I look at him, and I’m surprised into a short bout of laughter as I stand and walk towards it.

“Well, there’s some pizza from two nights ago, half a veggie burger from the night before that-”

“I’ll take the burger.” I figured as much. I’d only tried it for the Hell of it and because Leo and I were both drunk at the time. I got halfway through it before my body realized what I was ingesting and I puked on the floor of the diner. That was the night I told Leo something that he tried to ask me about the next morning, but I couldn’t remember most of the night besides getting sick, so he didn’t press it. Whatever I said really bothered him, though. “Chase, you okay?” I jump a bit, realizing I’ve just been standing here with the fridge open, and I pull the burger out, moving it into the microwave, not bothering to take off the paper to-go wrapping (read: we wrapped it in napkins and took it home for some stupid reason) as I start to heat it up. I turn around to see Carl staring at me.

“What?” I ask, feeling a little self-conscious.

“You didn’t answer my question, dude.” I puzzle over that for a second before laughing, trying hard to sound easygoing. But as I look at the ram that used to be my best friend, that always put up with me no matter how shitty a friend I was, that’s never judged me for anything, lying suddenly feels like the most exhausting thing in the world. So my laughter ends abruptly as I answer.

“No, Carl. Not really.” He stares at me. Thinking I said something wrong, I keep going. “I mean, most days I’m happy. Leo and I are doing great, work’s going well, and I…” I trail off as he continues to stare, not reacting, and I feel stupid for talking about myself so much. “Are  _ you _ okay?” I ask uncertainly. He lets out a short, mirthless laugh.

“Dude, my life’s been pretty shitty for a long time now. Really, everyone’s has been. Weed’s pretty much the only thing that keeps me going, and all I do every day is game and eat.”

_ You should’ve gone to college with him. Maybe he would’ve done better, would’ve stayed. _

“But at least I can say I don’t freak out about something that isn’t there and panic when someone tries to pull me out of freezing cold water.” His expression is pretty neutral, but his eyes never leave mine, and I feel just a flash of irritation that he knows. Fucking Flynn…

_ Mad at someone who helped you? And here I thought you couldn’t possibly get worse. _

The irritation quickly fades. Honestly I’d want an explanation if two of my friends walked into my house, soaking wet, with one borderline catatonic. I guess that’s the right word to describe the state I was in. I just couldn’t stop seeing them…

**_Sydney just stares._ **

...those eyes.

I realize then that the shouting stopped, but I don’t hear any signs of either of them throwing punches. Even though it’s not really a good time for it, I wonder what Leo’s texts said.

The microwave beeps then, and I get the burger out of it and hand it to Carl, sitting next to him again (a bit closer this time) just as the door opens.

Leo and Flynn both step inside and shut the door. Both of them are staring at me, and both look worried. Well, Flynn looks worried. Leo looks like he’s going to be sick.

He quickly approaches me, and I reflexively stand up just as he reaches me, his strong arms wrapping around me tightly, the side of my face pressed into his chest. I can hear how fast his heart is beating.

“I’m sorry,  _ chula… _ ” He whispers, nuzzling into my head fur. “I’m so sorry…” I don’t know what he’s apologizing for, but hearing the strongest person I know sounding so vulnerable, so  _ scared, _ is enough for what happened today to really hit me, and it hits like a punch to the face.

I turn my head, hiding my face in his warm, strong chest as I begin crying again. After a few seconds, I feel something making my headfur wet, and I realize immediately that Leo’s crying too. He hasn’t cried in a long, long time. It’s shortly after that that I feel an awkward hand on my shoulder, recognizing it as Flynn’s before one of Leo’s arms move off of me and pull the gila into the hug as well. He’s still stiff and awkward about it, but he doesn’t protest or push us away. Carl joins us then as well, all four of us silently staying that way for who knows how long.

* * *

We just ordered two large pizzas for dinner that night. Flynn and Carl decided to stay around for awhile, make sure I’m okay, and I guess I’d be thankful for that if I hadn’t put them through this.

“Are you sure about this, otter?” Leo asks softly as I stare down at my phone. “I can call them for you…” That would probably be for the best. Leo’s always been the one able to pull us all together, no matter how rough things got.

But right now, this is something that I need to do.

“I can do this, Leo.” He nods reluctantly and gently raises my chin, giving me a quick but tender kiss. I can’t help but smile at him. He might blame himself for this, he always blames himself for everything he views as a failure to protect us, I don’t think I’ve loved anyone as much as I love him.

To my surprise, Jenna picks up on the first ring.

“Hello, Chase.” She sounds...neutral. But in a sort of...forced way? I think she’s trying to hide whatever it is she’s really feeling. I was hoping she’d be able to get past that habit, and once again I wonder if things would be better if I had left.

“Um...yeah, uh...hi, Jenna.” Flynn snorts, smirking a bit at my awkwardness, which at least means he’s feeling a bit better. “Are you, uh...are you and Teej doing anything for your Spring Break?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is quite a few pages shorter, so I apologize for that, but it felt a little superfluous to try to stretch it further. I'm trying to keep them all in character, but if I'm starting to derail any of them just let me know and what I can do to improve!
> 
> The next chapter will be a bit less intense, and will be all about Leo planning what they'll be doing for their "reunion", while Chase is more worried about if it might be too late to try finding closure.
> 
> Since Chase doesn't have anything to repress his personality, I'm really pushing his implied self-loathing from the main game to the forefront, especially given what just happened. Don't worry though, when he's in a good mood he's still the snarky little shit we all know and love lol


	3. The Best Laid Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chase is reminded of what he's been missing about his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a graphic sex scene that might not be comfortable for everyone to read, not the least of which might be because I haven't written such a scene in awhile. The scene itself is subject to change, and will be removed if the people I've asked to read over it think it's too poorly-written. With that said, enjoy the chapter!

Spring Break had been the only time I could think of that Jenna and TJ would be able to come around for a visit without it interfering with college...which basically gives us a week to...well, to do whatever it is we’re planning to do. Leo’s taking care of most of that.

I’m not even a hundred-percent certain why I want all of us together. Nostalgia, partially, I know that. Because I miss them.

_Because too much was left unsaid, too many problems were not dealt with. Too much left on a bad note._

Leo, to his credit, doesn’t want it all to be tension and awkwardness, so he’s making plans for what we’ll be doing. Like a vacation, if Echo could be remotely considered a nice town...although a few people do stay here for just the summer before moving back to...wherever they stay the rest of the year. I can’t really understand wanting to come back here if you actually manage to leave, but to each their own I guess. I’d be long gone if it weren’t for Leo, and even then...sometimes I wonder if I should’ve tried harder to get him to leave with me instead.

But no, his family and the business first. I guess I can understand that, but we’ve fought over it countless times. Fucking wolves, I swear…

_Nice, insulting the one person left that still loves you. You deserve to be alone anyway._

“So what’ve you got so far?” I ask, trying to peer over to read whatever he’s doing on his phone. He laughs at me and pulls the phone away, turning off the screen.

“No fun if you know already, _chula._ ” He teases me, his tail flicking back and forth as he pulls me into a kiss. In my peripheral, I think Flynn makes a gagging motion while Carl snorts. If Leo notices, he doesn’t show it. “Spring Break doesn’t start for a couple of days, so we have plenty of time to plan everything out.”

“You mean _you_ do.” I grin a little bit. “You’re kinda keeping the rest of us in the dark.”

“Have to keep a little mystery or you might get bored of me.” Leo’s grinning at me, but his tail isn’t swishing around anymore. I think he sees my eyes on it though, because he clears his throat and continues. “It’s really just a plan to make this reunion more fun.”

“ _Fun?”_ Flynn asks incredulously. I look back to see he’s helping himself to a bottle of Leo’s beer. Before he can continue (and no doubt start an argument), I interrupt.

“Please don’t bite off the cap.” He stares at me, looking annoyed...and like he knows exactly what I’m trying to do. “There’s an opener in the drawer behind you.” Flynn rolls his eyes, but opens the drawer and grabs the opener as I turn back to Leo. “He...is sort of right, Leo. It’s good for us to catch up and have fun, but don’t forget that’s not the only reason we’re doing this.”

“I know, otter, but...let’s face it,” he smiles at me sadly, his ears flattening against his head before he forces them to perk back up. “What are the odds we’ll ever see them again after this?” That...kind of stings.

“You don’t know that.” He doesn’t respond, instead continuing to type the plans he has down...at least, that’s what I assume he’s doing. I look back at Flynn and Carl, but I can’t read their expressions as they stare back at me. I sigh, trying to think of anything to say. “Do...you guys remember the last time we saw them?” I ask. “Jenna and TJ, I mean.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Flynn smirks. “TJ was bawling like a little baby about how much he’d miss us.” I remember our brief conversation earlier today and frown, but I don’t say anything, because he’s right. TJ hugged each of us, trying and failing not to cry his eyes out as he told us goodbye. I think it was one of the few times Flynn didn’t tease him about how easily crying comes to TJ. In fact, as I recall, he hugged TJ back. I almost grin, but then I remember that he might as well have said goodbye to me too, for all that I've spoken to him for the past three years. Carl, too.

Speaking of Carl, he's been pretty quiet this whole time.

"Hey Carl," I call out to him, "if you want I'll drive you back home so you can get, uh...a few things to help you chill out." Leo smirks and side-eyes me.

"If you feel like getting blazed, you can tell me." I roll my eyes, smiling at him.

"Nah, I just think you and Flynn should get some quality time together." I laugh at their expressions and stand up, gesturing for Carl to follow me. As we head outside I look back at the two, unable to resist grinning at their obvious discomfort. "Don't destroy the house, okay?"

"There's no way that's gonna end well," Carl remarks, looking back at the trailer every now and then as we approach my car and climb in, "you know that, right?"

"Oh yeah. I know." I grin at him as I start the car. "So we'll just be as quick as we can." I peel out onto the dirt road, towards Carl's mansion. “Besides, it seems like they’ve found some common ground today, so hopefully that’ll help.” Carl doesn’t respond to that. Admittedly, logic and reason don’t help all that much in preventing Leo from losing his temper.

A silence falls between us, one that feels (at least to me) uncomfortable, awkward. Once upon a time, we would settle into conversations easily, but now…

"My ass is wet." Caught off guard by the statement, I start laughing.

"Yeah, mine too." Honestly, the fact that the seats of my car would soak through had never crossed my mind while Flynn was driving us. At least we were able to dry our clothes off when we were at Carl’s. That’s when it hits me; Flynn never threw his clothes in the dryer. At least, not that I saw. In fact, before he and Carl had moved to the kitchen to have their talk, Flynn’s clothes were still wet. They hadn’t been when Flynn was driving us back. “Carl.”

“Yeah?”

“Why does Flynn have spare clothes at your house?” Carl doesn’t reply immediately, and I chance a quick look over at him before returning my attention to the road.

He’s looking out the window, scratching the back of his head nervously, his shifting around in the seat definitely having more reason to it than just because the material is still damp.

“Does...he have sleepovers with you sometimes?” I ask uncertainly. Of course, ‘sleepovers’ were definitely not my first thought, but the idea of them sleeping together just seems...odd. Then again, it’s also odd Carl would be asking for someone to sleep over at his house...but with his parents still mostly absent, I imagine it gets really lonely for him.

_Not that you’ve bothered to help with that for a while._

My grip on the steering wheel tightens until it hurts. I wish I could tell my brain to shut up sometimes. Making myself feel like shit is apparently something I _really_ feel like doing tonight.

“Yeah.” Carl finally says. “Yeah, sometimes he comes over and we play video games or something. Most of the time he just kinda...well, he’s Flynn.”

“He criticizes your existence?” I’m only half-joking. Flynn’s always been a master at the art of making people feel like shit. I’d call it a skill, but skills are usually viewed as positive things, and Flynn just does that when he’s angry at us. Or just angry in general.

In a way, he reminds me of Leo in terms of getting angry. Both are hard to stop once they get going, and it’s sometimes easy to set them off...but Leo’s outlet is his fists. Thankfully, he’s never hit anyone that didn’t throw the first punch, and he’s certainly never hit any of us...well, he _has_ hit Flynn a few times, but he never lost control like he always did to the people that would give us shit when we were kids. That was always...well, terrifying.

Flynn, meanwhile, is mostly verbal in his way of letting out anger or frustration. Although it’s been awhile since I was last subjected to one of the Gila’s rants. At least...to my face.

“Nah, man, not like that. He just...acts like he doesn’t care, you know?” I look over at Carl again, and he’s smiling sheepishly. “You know what I’m talking about. He complains and he insults you a little bit, but he still tries.” I actually _do_ know what he means, this morning being a shining example of that, but it’s still a little surprising to hear from Carl, since Flynn often makes the Ram the butt of his meanest jokes.

But then, there’s no way Carl hasn’t realized what a shitty friend I was back when we were kids, but throughout middle and high school he still liked me enough to call me his best friend. Which, thinking back, isn’t a title I think I deserved.

“Yeah,” I finally say, my voice quiet and tone neutral as I look back to the road. “I know.”

* * *

Being in Carl’s without the shock of my worst hallucination yet brings back a lot of good memories, but for now I try not to let nostalgia keep me here. I may have acted nonchalant and joking about it, but Leo and Flynn getting pissed at each other and wrecking the trailer is a legitimate concern.

“Go ahead and get whatever you need, I’ll be-” Carl’s already bounding up the stairs, his hooves clacking loudly on the wooden floor and stairs. He must really need that hit.

I look around briefly, noticing little differences here and there that weren’t here last time I was here (while not catatonic); part of the living room is visible from where I’m standing, and I can see that they bought an even _bigger_ flatscreen TV. I hadn’t really noticed how much larger it was earlier. I _really_ must have been out of it. There’s a ton of fast food wrappers littering the table. Carl’s parents probably haven’t been around in a while.

For some reason, I remember the time I saved up to help him buy that racing sim that we never played again after maybe three hours of playing. I told Leo that’s the reason I didn’t buy the 30-dollar ticket to the homecoming game, but to be honest it was also because I was worried Leo didn’t want to hang out with us anymore. Well, specifically me and Carl. We were always the weird ones of the group. Flynn had his own reputation as an outcast for entirely different (and almost certainly bullshit) reasons, Jenna had quite a few friends besides us up until our early years in high school, TJ was actually popular with a specific clique...Carl and I kind of just existed. Kept to ourselves, other than being known for being rich (in Carl’s case) and being a ‘schizo’ (in my case).

I suddenly feel bad that I’m still thinking more about Leo than about memories with Carl, but by then the Ram is already coming back down the stairs, a joint already between his lips. He’s already looking more relaxed.

“Sure you don’t want anything before we leave?” He asks me. I shrug.

“Like what?”

“I dunno. Ice cream?” That does actually sound good, but for now I decide to pass.

“Carl, I don’t need a sales pitch on why your family’s ice cream brand is delicious.” Carl rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling.

“Nah man, I meant that other stuff we’d always eat when we were kids.” It takes me a second to remember what he means, and I laugh.

“Oh yeah, the uh, the off-brand stuff we’d have just to annoy your parents.” Even as a kid, we thought it was stupidly pretentious to eat the Hendricks ice cream, so we’d all pitch in and buy some random ice cream at the convenience store Carl ended up working at before it closed down. “That was Sydney’s idea.” It’s out of my mouth before I can think about it, and another silence settles over us.

“...yeah. Yeah, it was.” Carl takes another drag from the joint and walks past me, out the door. Now mad at myself for ruining the moment, I stay silent for the whole drive back, only occasionally nodding as Carl becomes more talkative the longer he smokes, mostly about games he’s been playing. Any other time, I’d be happy to finally have a normal conversation with him, but now that I mentioned Sydney…

All I can think of is how, even as the ambulance drove away, I knew he was going to die.

And how TJ, who cried about far less important things than what happened, had a look in his eyes that made me think for a moment that he was dead, too.

Like there was no soul left in him.

* * *

Thankfully, nothing’s been broken when we get back. In fact, as far as I can tell, they sat in awkward silence the whole time. That’s what we walked into, anyway.

“Oh thank Christ,” Carl grinned at them. “I was scared Leo would be showing you his favorite porn by now.” I can’t help but laugh as the insides of Leo’s ears turn red and Flynn glares at us.

“Oh trust me, Carl, _nobody_ wants to see the kinda stuff Leo watches.”

“Flynn’s into septic tanks, remember?” I gag a little bit and grimace, remembering the first time Carl told me what that is. I look at Flynn, who now looks ready to outright murder us.

“Seriously Flynn, what in God’s name made you think saying ‘yes’, even sarcastically, was a good idea?” Flynn crosses his arms and looks away, now looking more like he’s pouting than anything else.

“Fuck, back then I didn’t think it’d matter. I figured it was just dumb enough of a rumor that it’d go away.” Now feeling a little more comfortable embarrassing the Gila, I continue.

“So what _are_ you into?”

“That’s none of your fuckin’-”

“He’s a bottom,” Carl interjects.

Leo and I stare at Carl, then, slowly, at Flynn, who looks like he’s about to die on the spot.

“Carl,” he says quietly, “I’m gonna beat your fat ass.” Carl’s just grinning, and I finally can’t take it anymore. Apparently neither can Leo, because then we start laughing. I laugh until my sides hurt and my face and ears are hot beneath my thick fur. Carl just keeps grinning at Flynn, who eventually rolls his eyes and grins a little bit.

“Hey, don’t feel bad, Flynn.” I sit next to Leo and pat his muscular arm, grinning at him. “Remember that, uh, that yaoi stuff Jenna was always into?” Leo’s eyes widen, and Flynn’s grin grows. I can't help but note to myself to tell him that his grin, despite his own belief, is not creepy.

“No fuckin’ way.”

“Sample Music folder on his computer.”

“Flynn, if you take _one step_ in our room-”

We go back and forth like that, teasing each other over all of the embarrassing shit we learned about each other over the years.

It isn’t until the sun’s setting, and Carl and Flynn are leaving, that it occurs to me.

I didn’t think anything awful about myself while we were talking. I felt...well, like things were how they used to be.

Maybe this will turn out better than I thought.

* * *

Leo and I had a pretty chilled out night. As it turns out, he forgot his phone when he left for work earlier, and that was why he realized I was gone so soon.

Since it was kind of late, we just had one of those TV dinners and watched a dumb soap opera, making fun of it the whole time. After while, Leo grabbed the tray from me and set both of them on the table, then laid down on the couch behind me, pulling me down with him.

I’m not even paying attention to the TV anymore, just the feeling of Leo’s large body pressed against me, of his arm wrapped around my middle while he slides the other under my head for me to use as a pillow. It’s a position we lie in most nights, but it never feels any less like the first time we did it.

I think for the most part, we’ve fallen out of what my mom once called ‘the honeymoon phase’. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy, and when I ask myself if I’d like to spend the rest of my life with Leo the answer is still a resounding ‘yes’. Things aren’t perfect; we still have fights, we still disagree on a lot of things, and I won’t lie when I say that I still hate this town and would like nothing more than to leave. But if that would mean leaving Leo...then I really don’t think I could do it. Besides, his family is pretty awesome, despite a few of them...not liking our relationship very much.

I’m broken out of my thoughts by Leo nuzzling into my neck, breathing in slowly and tightening his hold on me. It tickles, and I can’t help but let out a quiet laugh. He laughs too, his paw slowly running down my stomach...and then up my shirt. I start to feel a familiar shape press into the small of my back as he begins to gently bite at my neck, his breaths becoming heavier as his paw runs over my chest and stomach, sending shivers through me. I moan softly, pressing back against my wolf's large, strong body as he begins to grind against me.

"Shower?" He asks, his voice low and gravelly as his paw begins to lower again, past my navel, and slide into my shorts. "Or right here?"

I can barely think at this point as his big hand wraps around my member and begins to gently tug at it, coaxing it to full hardness (which is almost unbearable even in my cargo shorts), but I manage to motion towards the shower with a hand that suddenly feels like jello.

Leo lets out an almost cocky laugh and slowly licks my neck, right in the spot he knows makes my legs weak, and then picks me up, his biceps flexing as he stands and easily carries me into the bathroom.

Once I'm on my feet I press against him, my lips mashing against his as I slide my paws up his shirt, feeling the hard, powerful muscles in his stomach as he flexes them, and even though I know he's self-conscious about the bit of fat he has on his stomach, I slide my paws slowly up and down it, grinning at the redness in his ears and the suddenly shy grin he sends back to me, and he looks so Goddamn cute right then that I kiss him again as I slide my paws up further to his chest, ruffling the thick, soft fur and squeezing the more cut muscles. His shyness disappears as he smirks and flexes them, his own paws hurriedly sliding into my shorts again, this time to roughly grope my ass. I let out an embarrassing squeak, but he doesn't laugh; he just deepens the kiss, sliding his long, hot tongue into my mouth.

We keep the kiss going for quite some time before I remember we're supposed to be in the shower for this, and I reluctantly break away. I hear shuffling and zipping as I turn on the shower, adjusting the water, and when I look back, Leo is now completely naked, his tail swishing behind him, his length stiff and already leaking as his intense gaze fixes on me...and then he grins as I strip out of my clothes as well, my tail swaying a bit behind me as I turn away again and step into the shower. Leo joins me eagerly, and I can't help but laugh at his tail thumps against the wall as he gets in.

He wraps his arms around me tightly and kisses me again, his tongue entering my mouth...but we keep our hips apart a bit so neither of us...I dunno, bend our dicks wrong or something. The idea makes me laugh into the kiss, and Leo gives me a bit of a confused look before he grins and turns me around.

"Find something to hold onto, _chula._ " He mutters as he kneels behind me. There's...really not much for me to grab, but I'm used to doing this by now, so I just grab onto the edge of the tub while my other hand braces against the wall as Leo grips and then spreads my ass...and then I remember I'm an otter and move my tail to the side the best that I can. He mutters a quiet thanks, and then his muzzle is pressed to my hole, his hot tongue slowly running over it, sending jolts through my body straight to my now throbbing member.

I lose all track of time, my eyes clenched shut as I moan, Leo's licks starting to become faster, more hurried, and then finally he growls and stands up again, his thick tip pressed against my entry as he leans over me, his chest and belly heaving against my back.

"Fuck, otter, I love the noises you make…" And then, being careful not to bite too hard, his teeth clamp on the back of my neck, and he pushes in.

I've done this with Leo countless times now. I'm mostly used to him by now, but each and every time his length fills me, my vision goes white for a moment, and my body stiffens as I gasp, partially from the feeling of being stretched and partially because he doesn't bother going slow this time.

His breath comes out against my necks in low, raspy huffs as he starts moving, one arm securely wrapped around my chest to keep me close while the other begins stroking my length again.

Eventually the surprise and slight twinge of pain go away, and I lose myself in the feeling of Leo's thick cock thrusting into me. He growls and starts going even harder, his muscles flexing and bulging as he puts as much strength as he can into fucking me, his teeth starting to hurt a little bit as he clamps down harder. The moment he hears my slightly pained whine, however, he lets go and whispers a quick apology. I shake my head.

"Please...fuck, don't stop, Leo…" I don't need to tell him twice. He doesn't bite down again, instead resting his head in the crook of my neck, panting like...well, like a wolf as he continues.

I recognize what it means when his thrusting starts to get more erratic, and I manage to break through the haze my mind is in to make more noise than I am already, calling out Leo's name over and over again. He loves when I make noise or say his name, and I love using that to get him closer.

He begins to whine, which even then is a low-pitched, rough noise as I feel his cock throb inside of me. Then he shifts a bit, his arm leaving my cock to gently grip my chin and turn my head, my eyes meeting his.

I love seeing his face when he's getting close. He looks vulnerable for once, his eyes as intense as ever, teeth bared a little bit. I guess it looks more scary than anything else, but it's _Leo,_ so all I see is the wolf I'm in love with ready to finish.

Even as he comes, his eyes remain on mine.

I still remember the first time we did this, he howled. Seriously. He _howled very loudly_ , which both hurt my ears and terrified me that the whole town would hear.

Right here and now, though, he just cries out my name, and my breath hitches as I feel his warm seed enter me.

We stay like that for a while, panting, still looking into each other's eyes, Leo's body shaking a bit as he tries, weakly, to keep holding me.

Eventually, though, we separate, and I wince, gasping again as he does. Then Leo turns me around and kisses me one more time.

"I love you, Chase…"

"I love you too…"

* * *

After we actually try getting clean in the shower, Leo and I lie down in our bed, both of us just in our underwear. He fell asleep a few minutes ago, and I've tried to as well, but I guess my brain just isn't tired even after what we just did. I keep thinking about Carl and Flynn's visit. I wasn't really sure this would work when I first called Jenna, but...it was easier than I expected to fall back into how we used to be. Well...sort of, anyway. I really don't know how this will turn out.

I really can’t help but think about TJ. He’s the one who found Sydney, after all, and he’s remained tight-lipped about what happened since then. It clearly messed him up the most. Hell, all I did was pull Sydney out of the water and I’m pretty fucked up too. I’ve never been able to imagine the kind of pain TJ was going through every day from it. So while it hurts, I understand why he’d lie to me just to end the phone call. He probably wants nothing to do with us or with Echo. That might be for the best.

I wish I could decide whether or not to think bringing us all together is a good idea, but the simple fact is that I don’t know, and that scares me. It might end up just making things worse.

My phone begins to vibrate on the table. I wince a little bit, but Leo doesn’t move or make any noise, so I pick it up and check the caller ID.

It’s TJ.

“Hello?” I answer quietly. Silence. I start to speak again when TJ finally starts talking, his tone equally hushed.

“Chase? I, er…” He goes quiet again, and I wait. “I’m sorry, for uh...for earlier. I just…”

“I know, Teej.”

“I just want to let you know that I’m really glad I’ll get to see you all again, even if it’s just for a week.”

“I’ve missed you,” I tell him. “I know that’s probably hard to believe, but-”

“No, I...I understand. We could have called you, too, but we never tried. You don’t need to blame yourself for everything.” Somehow, TJ being the one to do the comforting feels weird. Maybe he’s gotten a little more assertive since he left. That’s a good sign, at least.

“Thanks. Uh...see you on Saturday, then?”

“Can’t wait. Goodnight, Chase.”

“Goodnight, TJ.” I hang up and put my phone back on the table, and I can’t help but smile. Maybe this _will_ work.

Sleep comes a lot easier now, and for the first time in a while there are no nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Length-wise, I've really outdone myself with this chapter. It's been awhile since I've been so passionate about something I'm writing. The Echo community being such a great one definitely helps. Thanks for all the hits so far, and don't forget to leave your feedback! Thanks! :D


	4. Trouble In Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chase realizes that even love can come with serious issues.

When I wake up, it’s to the sight of Leo still in bed next to me...but he’s awake, an arm folded behind his head while his other paw holds his phone as he scrolls through something, probably social media or Payton List or something. When he sees I’m awake, he grins and leans over to give me a kiss.

“Good news. Explained the situation to Pa and he agreed to let you take the week off and I’ll only work half the usual time. He says we’ll have to make it back up next week, but hey, as long as you’re with me it’ll be more fun, yeah?” I just nod, smiling a little bit and moving closer to him, my head resting on his chest.

“I love you.” Leo’s ears twitch, and he sighs, putting his phone down and shifting a bit so he’s sort of half-sitting up, his back resting against the headboard of the bed and his arm around me.

“I love you too,  _ chula. _ ”

This is why I love when we have days off together. Most of the time we have other things to do, but right now, at this moment, we just get to relax.

I look down at his arm, at the anchor bracelet glinting in the morning light, and I can’t help but feel a little bad. I took mine off last year. It’s on Leo’s desk next to his computer. It was the cause of our first  _ real _ fight since we moved in, and it’s still a sore spot for both of us.

I started having nightmares about it. Of Sydney and Lake Emma and anchors tying us to the lake while another drags Sydney into the cold, dark water, as if something just underneath were pulling at the rope tying him to his anchor. I took it off after my last nightmare about it had the anchors starting to drag the rest of us in too.

Leo couldn’t understand why, and I couldn’t tell him about the nightmares, or the hallucinations. Up until yesterday, as far as he knew my last hallucination was after I’d gotten hit in the head, hours before we first got together. I wonder if he’s mad at me for not telling him.

All I told him was that it reminded me of Sydney, hoping that’d be enough to get him to drop it. It wasn’t.

About five minutes into our shouting match our neighbor, Kudzu, showed up, banging on our door and asking us to keep it down. We were both still angry (especially Leo), but Kudzu’s a great guy and he looked exhausted, so instead I just slept in Leo’s parents’ old bed while he stayed in his.

“What’re you thinking about?” Leo asks quietly, nuzzling my headfur. “You look sad…”

“Just, uh…” I sigh and turn my head to nuzzle at his chest. “I’ll tell you later. Don’t want to ruin this.”

_ Good idea, wait until he thinks you’re both having a good day to ruin it for him. _

Ugh. There it is. I was wondering when it’d make a comeback.

“Chase, you can talk to me…” I look up at him, and he’s giving me a puppy-eyed look, his ears flattened against his head. Goddamn it. He has  _ no right _ to be this cute. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me what you were going through…” Shit. I look down again, sliding my arms around his torso and hugging him tightly.

“It’s not that, Leo...I just...I didn’t want  _ anyone _ to know. I stopped going to therapy for it because it just...I don’t know, it wasn’t working. They never really stopped...so I thought I could ignore them.”

“ _ Puchica,  _ otter, I haven’t seen Flynn so afraid since…” He doesn’t finish. He doesn’t have to. “Why do you always try to handle things on your own?” His accent is starting to shine through.

“All of us do it, Leo. Not just me.” But he’s right. So is TJ. Isn’t that a big part of why I want everyone together for this? So we don’t have to try moving past it on our own? “Can we just talk about this later, please?” I slowly get out of bed and look back at Leo. The wolf looks like he wants to say something, but decides against it and picks up his phone again. “I’m going for a swim.” I say as I get dressed, not looking at him.

“Do you want me to-”

“No, Leo. I want to be alone for a bit, okay?”

“...be careful.”

“I will.”

* * *

I try to get in a swim every day. Being an otter, I prefer that. Being an otter that lives in a  _ desert _ , I need it or I feel like shit.

I get into my car, start it, and head towards Yeeyah River, my usual (and the best) swimming spot. Near the lake, sure, but not so much so that it bothers me.

My spontaneous stop at Lake Emma yesterday was the first time I’d been there in...God, how many years has it been now since Sydney died?

I try to shake those thoughts from my head. My favorite spot to swim in at Yeeyah River is only about a quarter of a mile away from Lake Emma itself, which the river feeds into.

We’ve been in a drought for just about as long as Jenna and TJ have been gone, but the water at its deepest point is still about ten feet, which isn’t bad. I park and take a walk towards the river, passing the bench as I go. As expected, nobody else is here.

It’s only about nine-thirty in the morning, but it’s already climbing above ninety degrees, and I’m already sweating by the time I get to the river. I send Leo a quick text.

_ ‘Just got to the river, will text when I’m on my way back.’ _

_ ‘Ok.’ _

Never let it be said that my boyfriend isn’t an eloquent wolf.

I strip out of my clothes and step into the cold water, sighing with relief as I’m immediately cooled off. After a few minutes of just swimming back and forth, I finally dive under.

* * *

After about half an hour, I decide to get out, letting the heat dry me off a bit before I get dressed. I retrieve my phone from the pocket of my shorts to text Leo...when I see that Jenna sent me a text about ten minutes ago.

_ ‘Have you thought about whether or not you’ll apply again?’ _

I stare down at the text, feeling a familiar twist in my stomach as I quickly realize what she’s talking about.

Jenna and TJ had already been gone for a full semester by the time I decided to apply at Pueblo. I had hoped I’d just apply to see if I could get in without Leo finding out.

Of course Leo, being Leo, was able to pick up something was wrong and kept asking me what was going on until I gave in and showed him what I was doing.

I’d been expecting us to get into a fight over it, but Leo just...gave my phone back to me without saying anything. In fact, he didn’t say anything to me for the rest of the day.

Thankfully, this was back before we decided to actually move in together, as his parents hadn’t moved the business to Payton yet, so it was a bit more bearable than it would have been if we shared the same house.

Not to say that my boyfriend giving me the silent treatment didn’t suck. I was in this agonizing limbo of feeling guilty that I made him that upset and annoyed that he was pouting because I  _ might _ be leaving.

I got accepted.

I didn’t tell Leo, because I knew he’d take that as  _ confirmation _ that I was leaving, whether I planned to or not. The original idea was for me to just see if I  _ could _ get in...but once I got the letter of acceptance it became a lot harder to resist the idea of going, especially once I told Jenna. She even came down to celebrate, which just made it  _ more _ stressful.

Ultimately, I decided to wait for a while before trying to go to college. I could tell Jenna was disappointed, but told me she understood. I really don’t think she did. I don’t fully understand why I didn’t leave either...until I told Leo that I wasn’t. You’d think I’d told him the greatest news of his life.

He was happy I wasn’t leaving, assuring me over and over that I can go at any time once we’re doing better financially, and it always makes me feel better knowing that he’s happy...but part of me still thinks he just doesn’t want me to go at all. He never specified what ‘doing better’ meant.

To be fair, we’d made so many plans for so long about moving in together, even before we were dating, and at that point we were so close to those plans becoming real...I just couldn’t do that to him. The guilt of it would’ve eaten me alive.

I realize I’ve been standing here for almost five minutes and I still haven’t responded to her. But I don’t know what to say.

I shoot Leo a quick text instead that I’m on my way back, but his response surprises me.

_ ‘Meet @ diner’ _

Huh. He must be hungry.

I get dressed and get back into my car with a sigh, grimacing at how hot it is in the vehicle already. God, I hate this place…

To my surprise, as I’m driving, I see Flynn walking down the road again. There’s no way he doesn’t have a car. Why is he walking? Headed to Carl’s, maybe?

He looks over as I stop next to him, rolling the window down.

“Need a ride?” I ask. He smirks at me, but there’s something different about it. Like it isn’t fully sincere.

“Are you going to pull any stunts like yesterday?” Apparently I bothered him even more than I thought, because the dig is a pretty weak one. I decide to play along, grinning back at him.

“I was thinking of driving off a cliff today instead, sound like fun?” His smirk disappears for just a second, and I think he might have actually just pictured me doing that, so I keep talking. “Leo wants me to meet him at the diner, so I can drive you that far, if you want.” I almost ask if he wants to join us, but that would probably be awkward. He stands there for a few seconds, then shrugs and gets into the car. I wait for him to buckle in before I keep driving. “Headed to Carl’s?”

“Nah, my aunt called me in to work a little longer at the Civic Center, was just on my way there.” He turns his head, bright blue eyes focused on me. “You okay, muskshit? You look like you’re going to be sick.” I guess this thing about college is bothering me more than I thought. Or maybe Flynn’s just good at reading people too.

“Jenna texted me.”

“Yeah, that ruins my day too.” I can’t help but laugh a little bit at that.

“No, it’s not that she texted, it’s what she said.” Flynn doesn’t respond, probably waiting for me to continue. “She asked if I’ll apply to Pueblo again.” This seems to catch his attention.

“Wait, ‘again’?”

“Yeah, about three years ago she said I should apply. I got accepted, but I didn’t go.”

“Why not?” There’s something...odd in his voice. Expectant, almost. It quickly dawns on me that it’s a rhetorical question, but I begin to answer anyway.

“Well, it just wasn’t a good time. We had plans already, and-”

“By ‘we’, you mean you and Leo.” It isn’t a question. “Jesus fuck, Chase.” The tone in his voice annoys me for some reason.

“Since when do you care about going to college?”

“I don’t give a fuck about college, but you shouldn’t  _ not go _ if your only reason is that your boyfriend will be a little bitch about it.” My grip on the steering wheel tightens. “For God’s sake, how long are you going to let him control everything you do?”

“Leo doesn’t ‘control’  _ anything _ I do.”

“Right. Then I guess he didn’t guilt you about it? Didn’t mope around once he found out you applied? Never gave you the silent treatment?” Even as I get angrier, the pit of anxiety in my stomach grows.

“That had nothing to do with why I-”

“Chase, he’s had you wrapped around his finger ever since you were Goddamn 15, when are you going to realize that?!” I slam on the brakes, nearly throwing him forward. If I’d been going faster, his muzzle might’ve hit the dashboard, and for one awful moment I wish it had happened, but I instantly push the thought away.

“Get the Hell out of my car.” I can feel his stare on me, but I don’t look at him.

“Chase.”

“Get. The fuck.  _ Out. _ ” He does, slamming the door for good measure, and somehow that’s the last straw. I press on the gas, kicking up as much dust and dirt as possible around him as I keep going towards the diner.

I think again about how I’d pictured his muzzle hitting the dashboard, of his cry of pain, of the sound it would make, and my momentary relishing of the idea.

And I feel sick.

* * *

By the time I walk into the diner, I’m still skeeved, but starting to get over it. Flynn probably was just having a shitty day so far, taking that out on others is just how he is, but I’ve never taken his bullshit sitting down, and I’m not about to start now. I do, however, make a note to talk to him about it tomorrow, set a few things straight.

Then I see Leo sitting at one of the booths, and what little anger is left just melts away as I smile and walk over to him. He looks up at me and grins.

“Hey,  _ chula. _ How was the swim?” I surprise him by leaning down and kissing him, not giving a shit about the other people that can see. The surprise is definitely a welcome one, as his tail thumps the seat and he pulls me into the booth so I’m next to him as he wraps a bulky arm around me tightly. “I guess that means you had a good time?”

“Yeah, it was great.” I lean against him, just closing my eyes, willing myself to forget everything else, to just lose myself in how good this feels. “So why did you want to meet me here?”

“Well, hehe…” He laughs sheepishly. “I’m kinda short on options for dates…” I just laugh a little bit and pull away, looking over at him.

“Yeah, I understand.” It occurs to me we could’ve just driven to Payton for a date, but it  _ was _ short notice I guess, and besides, it’s the thought that counts. Plus, well, this is Leo. If I can bear this shithole of a town, I can bear not going on big, romantic dates. Actually, I think I’d prefer smaller ones like these. It feels more natural for us. At least,  _ I _ think so. “Should I move to the other side?” I ask. “Sitting like this is kind of awkward.” Leo pretends to pout about it, but lets me move to the other side of the table so I’m across from him.

“Welcome back, boys!” Janice greets us as she approaches from behind the counter, pen and notepad at the ready for our orders. “What can I get for you today?”

“Two of the roast beef sandwiches, please.” Leo grins sweetly at her. “With fries.” That’s our usual. Our shared favorite. But suddenly, I feel odd, anxious almost, and I quickly interrupt.  
“Actually, can I have the tuna melt, please?” I ask, rattling off the first thing I can think of. “With onion rings?” Janice looks amused, while Leo stares at me with bewilderment, and I realize why immediately.

That’s what Flynn always used to get when we all came here to hang out back in high school.

Fuck.

“And what can I get for you to drink?”

“Root beer,” says Leo.

“Strawberry shake,” I say immediately afterwards. There. Flynn usually just gets water, I think.

“I’ll be right back with those drinks.” As the coyote walks back into the kitchen, Leo speaks up.

“Trying something new, otter?” He sounds...a little tense. His tone has an odd sort of edge to it.

“Hey, sometimes change is a good thing.” I realize immediately after I say this that it makes for a fantastic segue into what I want to tell him. “Speaking of change…” His ears are perked straight up. “I got a text from Jenna…”

“She’s not cancelling on us, is she?” Leo asks, the disappointment evident in his voice...and in the way his ears pin down.

“No! No, nothing like that.” He visibly relaxes at that, but I’m prepared for him to tense up again once I tell him. “It was, uh...about Pueblo.” I was hoping to ease into the subject, but Leo’s expression changes instantaneously into a grimace.

“Oh.” He doesn’t say anything else, and at first I think he wants me to continue, but then Janice shows up with our drinks. She’s smiling at both of us, but seems to sense the tension because, rather than making small talk, she simply tells us the food will be ready soon and heads back behind the counter. Leo speaks again. “So when are you going?”

“Christ, Leo, she just asked if I’ve thought about applying again.” Why does he immediately assume I’m leaving? “It’s been three years, Leo, and I still want to go to college.”

“We talked about this, Chase…” His voice is a little strained, his ears beginning to lower. I can’t tell if he’s upset or annoyed.

“I know we did, but all you said was ‘when we have more money’, and I just want to know what your idea of ‘enough’ is. Besides, there are grants and scholarships I can apply for too so it’ll cost less!” This is really starting to feel familiar. Because this is almost exactly what I was telling him three years ago...but now I’m being less timid about it...because I’m actually concerned.

“Why do you want to leave so fucking bad?” Leo snaps, his jowls pulled back and his teeth bared into an angry snarl. It’s a frightening visage, but I’m not intimidated. Not by Leo. “Do you really hate this place so much not even being with me will make you want to stay?” I can tell he’s trying to keep his voice down, but people are already starting to stare, and frankly, I’m getting too pissed off to care.

“What does how I feel about this place have to do with getting an education?” My voice is already rising. “With having a  _ career _ ?”

“Bullshit, Chase! You’re just looking for an excuse to leave!”

“ _ Yes!” _ I finally shout back. Leo’s anger dissipates into shock, but whether it’s because I’m yelling or because of my words, I don’t know. At the moment, I don’t care either. “I’ve hated this place my whole Goddamn life, Leo! I don’t understand how you  _ don’t _ ! There is  _ nothing here for anyone! _ I mean, fuck!” I laugh mirthlessly. “Maybe meth labs and dead end jobs that won’t be here anymore by the time I hit thirty! Is  _ that _ when we’ll have ‘enough money’, Leo? Is  _ that _ when you’ll cut your stupid family bullshit and just leave?!” Now I know I’ve said the wrong thing, because his anger returns, and he starts to get up, growling lowly.

“Both of you, cut it out!” Janice demands from the counter, her paws curled into fists on her hips. “Take this somewhere else, I won’t be havin’ it-”

“I’m not like you, Chase! I can’t just give up the people I care about for what I want!” He yells, as if she hadn’t spoken. I go quiet, my mouth hanging open as I stare at him, processing what he just said. I slowly stand up, glaring at him, my paws shaking, and I grip the edge of the table tightly to stop them.

“I’ve given up  _ everything _ for you.” I can’t bring myself to yell anymore. All of my anger has vanished, and now I just feel empty. “I hate this town. I hate our fucking trailer. I hate working at an auto repair shop in bumfuck nowhere. I want to be at college. I want to be a journalist. I want a  _ life. _ And I don’t have  _ any _ of that because I love you too much to leave your stubborn ass and get it.” I fish a wad of money from my wallet and toss it onto the table without bothering to look at it, muttering an apology to a clearly infuriated Janice as I walk out.

I don’t look at Leo again.

* * *

I’m back home now, back at our trailer, but I’m still in my car. I’ve been sitting here, staring at the steering wheel, for...fuck, I don’t even know how long. It feels like it’s been hours. The sun is starting to set.

Leo pulled in only a minute or two after I did, and immediately walked inside. He slammed the door behind him. And he still hasn’t come out. Hell, he’s probably asleep. I recall the time my mom jokingly told me to “never go to bed angry” when I told her about me and Leo moving in together. It was just before Jenna left, and when I told her about it she’d explained there’s real psychological reasoning behind the phrase.

If you go to sleep while angry, and the issue hasn’t been resolved, then your brain ‘reorganizes’ the way that it stores negative emotions, causing those emotions to intensify into something worse. Resentment. Hatred, even.

I don’t want to resent Leo. And I don’t think I could ever hate him. I still love him, I know that hasn’t changed. God...I love him so much.

But this...this is something I don’t think I can move past. He  _ genuinely _ thinks leaving would be easy for me. No, not even leaving. ‘Giving up’. That’s what he called it. We’ve never fought like this before, and all over something that shouldn’t be something to argue over in the first place. Does he think I’ll just...stop loving him if I leave? That I’ll never come back if he’s still in Echo by the time I’m through with college?

I  _ do _ hate this town, that much was true...but nothing else that I said. We’re lucky that his parents care about him, and support  _ us, _ enough to have let us have the trailer and my job. It’s worth staying in Echo.  _ Leo _ is worth staying in Echo, at least for now.

_ But you’ll never be able to tell him all of this. It’s what you’ve always been afraid of. That you won’t be able to say what you need to say, even at a time when he needs to hear it. And all of this will have been for nothing.  _ For once, even those thoughts feel empty.

“I know,” I whisper.

I force myself out of the car and into the trailer.

Leo’s on the bed, facing the window, away from me. I hesitate, then walk in, stripping down to my underwear. I lie down beside him, hesitate again...and then turn towards the other wall, so our backs are to each other.

He shifts. Rolls around a bit.

And then his arm hesitantly wraps around me. When I don’t resist, he pulls me close into our usual position, my back to his chest as he spoons me. But then his arm moves again, and his paw slides into mine. I squeeze gently.

Neither of us say anything.

Before I finally fall asleep, I notice a new hole has been punched in the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm unsure how I feel about the fight. I want to make it clear that I want them both to be in the wrong here. Leo shouldn't be reacting the way he is, but this is a problem that's been hanging over them for a long time, and Chase has never been able to bring himself to try dealing with it.
> 
> That said, writing it (and the ending) was draining, so I hope that means I'm on par with the source material? Lol
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed it!


	5. Reunion (Saturday)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just like old times. Nostalgia is a wonderful feeling. But how long will it remain a filter for what festers beneath?

Leo is already getting dressed when I wake up. Or, at least, he’s trying to. He keeps cycling through a couple of the shirts he has thrown to the floor, and even though I have bigger priorities, I realize that we definitely need to do the laundry. After checking one of his shirts (basically just making sure it doesn’t smell bad), he shrugs and pulls it on, then looks at me with an only slightly forced smile.

“Hope you enjoyed the view.”

“You know I did.” I reply tiredly, managing to smile back at him as I rub my eyes. “So when are Teej and Jenna getting here?”

“They already texted me. Should be here sometime this afternoon. TJ’s supposed to text me when they’re getting close so we can pick up some food for them.” He walks over and kneels down by the bed so he and I are (more or less) at eye-level. His smile quickly disappears, and he slowly brushes his hand over my cheek. I quickly notice the dried blood matting his knuckles and will myself not to look at the newly acquired hole in the drywall. “You know I love you, right  _ chula _ ?” He sounds...scared. Like he really believes I’m going to say no.

“I know, Leo. I love you too.” I prop myself up on my elbow and kiss him. I notice his tail twitch as he shifts to sit next to me on the bed, his hands holding my head. We keep kissing for a few minutes before he finally (and reluctantly) breaks away, looking down at me. He opens his mouth, closes it...and sighs. He gives me another kiss, on my forehead this time, and then gets up.

“You can rest for awhile if you want. I have half my usual shift time at work today, but I’ll be back in time to pick you and Flynn up before we get some food and head to the motel to meet with Teej and Jenna. Carl said he’ll drive himself.” He looks at me again, like he really wants to say something, and I do my best to look encouraging as I smile, internally begging him to say something,  _ anything _ , because I know what it will be about. But then he just smiles sadly, tells me he loves me again, and leaves.

* * *

I think I stay in bed for about ten minutes after I hear his van leave, and then I finally force myself to get up and get dressed, picking up our discarded laundry that dotted the room. They...smell pretty bad. Especially mine.

I’ll be honest, I don’t like doing all of the domestic stuff. I made it clear to Leo that we needed to split those kinds of responsibilities as evenly as possible when we first moved in. I think the idea seemed a little foreign to him, so instead of starting a fight or something stupid like that I just called Jenna and had her give Leo a lesson on breaking those kinds of heteronormative roles, which really aren’t all that heteronormative anymore for a lot of straight couples.

Really I only called Jenna for it because she can put these kinds of things more articulately than I could ever hope to. Well, that and it was funny to watch Leo get all embarrassed and defensive about it. After we said goodbye and ended the call, we reached a compromise; basically take turns.

Today’s my day for it.

There’s nothing really to do as I start the load in the washer besides stew a little more on yesterday...and wonder how long I’d stayed in my car, because unless I’m mistaken it had barely been the afternoon when the fight happened. It’s a miracle I didn’t kill the battery. I should probably have Leo check that later.

I shake my head and sigh, looking around for the remote and, when I find it, turning on the TV to a random channel. It’s in a courtroom, with an older lioness judge that I vaguely recognize letting the greyhound defendant have it for (apparently) being caught lying.

Good enough, I guess. I open the fridge and look through it, but it’s surprisingly bare. I’m pretty sure it’s Leo’s turn to take care of that, but we can deal with it later. I finally give up and sit down, rubbing my face slowly. Funny how lonely you feel when you’re used to living with someone else and they’re not around.

I wonder if we’d still be in this sort of situation if we never started dating. Moving in together was something we planned back before I even knew I was gay. Hell, before Leo could speak English all that well. I think...I think I was 8 and he was 10 at the time. So about a year before Sydney.

Sydney...I was never sure how I felt about him. Or Flynn, for that matter. They were both a little older than us, so of course they liked to pick on us, but if they got carried away they usually felt bad and bought us ice cream.

Ugh...I’m starting to get a headache. I close my eyes and lay my head down, crossing my arms to use as a pillow as I keep trying to reminisce a little bit.

I think I always liked Flynn more. A lot of the time he encouraged Sydney’s more mean-spirited actions, but as I recall even he had a limit. Well, he wouldn’t do anything to  _ stop _ Sydney, but he wouldn’t join in or laugh about it, and he’d apologize to us about it when Sydney wasn’t around.

I don’t know why I’m remembering all the bad things about Sydney right off the bat. I have a lot of good memories of him too. Like his scavenger hunts. Looking back, I wish I’d appreciated those more. Yeah, the prizes were never anything big or special, but it was one of the few times I saw Sydney...well...happy. On those days he even got along better with TJ-

**_Sandcastle_ **

**_Toby building a sandcastle_ **

**_Sydney running over laughing kicking_ **

**_Toby crying Jasmynn shouting Sydney still laughing_ **

**_Still laughing still laughing still laughing why won’t he shut the fuck up_ **

**_Jasmynn and another voice screaming at Sydney, finally stops fucking laughing_ **

**_It’s my voice I’m screaming too_ **

**_Toby runs away_ **

I wince and groan, getting up and searching the cabinets for headache medicine. What was I thinking about again? The scavenger hunts?

Maybe I should throw one of those together. That’d be fun, probably. I wonder if Flynn would be okay with it. Of course what the others think matters, but Flynn was Sydney’s best friend, so whether or not  _ he’s _ comfortable with it should be my first priority.

I find a half-empty bottle of aspirin and pour two into my hand, then run water from the sink into a glass and down the tablets.

I think I ruined our last scavenger hunt before what happened to Sydney. His dad had died about half a year prior to that, and it was one of the few things that made him smile anymore. I don’t know what the clue was or even what gave me the idea to do so, but I walked to the end of Sydney’s driveway and opened the mailbox.

The last note and prize were inside.

I remember I made Sydney cry when I did that.

For some reason I...I think I was glad he was crying. Why would I be glad about that?

I was a shitty friend to everyone back then, wasn’t I?

_ Just back then? _

“Fuck you…” I mutter, then remember that I’m talking to myself and sigh, finishing the glass of water.

The washing machine still has awhile to go, and I  _ really _ don't want to just sit here the whole time, so I decide to just go for a drive. I stand up...and realize that the smell of my dirty clothes still hasn’t gone away. I wrinkle my nose, looking around for anything I might’ve dropped...then realize it’s probably just me.

Ugh. Shower first, then.

* * *

Usually showers help make sure I'm awake and active for whatever it is I'll be doing during the day, but for some reason, as I get dressed and look towards the door...I feel tired.

I can't really explain it, even to myself. I know I got enough sleep. I wasn't tired a moment ago. But my eyes are on the door, my mind walking me through the idea of walking over, of going outside, getting into the car and driving, and it suddenly seems like I'm planning to scale the world's tallest mountain.

I slowly sit down on the couch, my eyes still on the door, and I sigh, resting my head in my paws again.

* * *

_ I'm running beside the lake, as fast as my stupid fucking stubby legs can take me. _

_ Leo, Jasmynn, and Flynn are ahead of me, calling for TJ and Sydney. _

_ We see the lynx sitting at the shore, staring into the water, his eyes wide. He doesn't look up at us. Where’s Sydney? _

_ I quickly realize we're not getting any closer to TJ. I'm catching up to the others, but once we're all at the same spot...it's like we're stuck, running in place, never getting close enough to him. _

_ The lynx never looks up, his eyes vacant as something emerges from the water. _

* * *

I’m snapped out of my thoughts as my phone vibrates in my pocket, making me jump a little bit before I pull it out and take a look.

“Carl’s already there with them.” I announce, looking at the others. Leo glances at me with a smile, and Flynn just nods, looking down at his phone. I smirk. “Christ, Flynn, curb that enthusiasm.” He looks up at me with a halfhearted glare. “Much better.” He lets out an amused snort and looks back down. My eyes flick over to the food bags. “Are you sure you aren’t hungry?” He looks up again, his expression one of confusion, probably about me suddenly being so talkative.

“Would’ve gotten something if I was, muskshit.” Then he looks down once more. My gaze turns to Leo, his amber eyes meeting mine for a moment, before he shrugs and just keeps looking ahead.

The ride’s been...a little weird. I still need to apologize to Flynn-oh. That’s probably why he’s so confused. It probably looks like I’m trying too hard to be nice to him. Well, at least my ‘can’t spit it out’ problem isn’t exclusive to Leo...which  _ really _ isn’t a good thing.

And Leo...I'm not sure. He hasn't said much, and I don't know if it's because having a deeper conversation with Flynn in the backseat would be weird or because he's still upset with me. It's probably a mix of both.

So I decide to just stare out the window and keep my mouth shut.

_ Like you always do. Fucking useless. _

Thankfully, we only have to stew in this awkward silence for a couple more minutes before we pull into the motel parking lot. I take a moment to make a silent prayer for all of this to go well, thinking maybe my proximity to TJ will get the guy to listen for once. I doubt it, but I might as well try. Flynn stretches a little bit as he climbs out of the car, and I can't prevent a bit of sympathy. A lot of vehicle types aren't built for people of his height, so he often has to slouch a lot to keep from scraping his head against the ceiling of the van.

I'm about to say something, but then Leo gets out as well and I decide not to. He's always been the jealous type, especially when he's upset, and he's had this odd...hostility towards Flynn when it comes to me ever since he found out years ago that I came out to Flynn before him. Not for lack of trying to tell Leo, but…

"Chase, are you okay?" I jump and look up at Leo. He's staring at me, holding the bags of food we bought. He looks worried, but...hesitant. Like he's not sure what to say, or do. That...kind of hurts. I look away.

"Where's Flynn?" Leo doesn't seem thrilled about the subject change, but he nods towards one of the motel rooms. "He went inside already." I look to the door and nod back at him...but I don’t move to go inside yet. Leo raises an eyebrow, his ears perked towards me, waiting for me to speak, to say what’s on my mind.

But right now, something that should come so easily, telling my best friend, my boyfriend, the one person who's always at least _tried_ to understand me, how I feel, seems an impossible task.

So I force myself to walk to the door, keeping my fears inside. Will they be different? Will they be the same? Did they miss us? Will things be like they used to?

When I open the door, I’m surprised at how nice the motel room looks, especially for a town like this. There are two large (and remarkably clean looking) beds, the carpeted floor looks reasonably well-maintained...they’re really going all out on trying to bring tourism here again. Or...at least vacationers.

“Chase!” A familiar voice snaps me out of my train of thought as a familiar lynx nearly tackles me, hugging me tightly. I laugh and immediately hug back.

“Hey, Teej.” I gently pry him off of me and look at him. He’s taller, definitely, but still short compared to everyone else (besides Jenna), and he’s developed a more athletic build...if the form-fitting red polo shirt he’s wearing is any indication. I grin and teasingly (but gently) tug at one of his ear tufts, earning me a laugh and a not-really-angry glare. “You look good, man!”

“So do you!” He grins up at Leo, hugging the wolf as well as soon as the bags of food are put down on a table by one of the beds. I then look over to Jenna, who looks remarkably similar to how I remember. She hasn’t gotten much taller, and is still the shortest out of all of us, her turquoise eyes as beautiful as ever. She gives me that familiar, playful grin as I hug her.

“It’s good to see you, Jenna.”

“You too, Chase.” Her eyes flick over to Leo as she pulls away from the hug, and she looks like she wants to say something to me, but instead smiles at my boyfriend and waves. “Hello, Leo.”

“Jenna,” he replies, mimicking her aloof tone, and finally they both share a grin, and relief floods through me. Hopefully it’s not-okay, yeah, it’s pretty obvious, based on Jenna’s expression. Leo, thankfully, chooses that time to clap loudly, startling TJ and Flynn out of whatever conversation they were having. Based on Flynn’s forcibly neutral expression and TJ’s uneasy one, it was almost certainly awkward. “So! Who’s hungry?”

* * *

“Seriously, I felt like they were staging an intervention.” Carl says between bites of his veggie burger, eyeing Jenna and TJ at their table. Both of them just grin at him, an expression I can’t help but join in on making.

“Carl, I’m pretty sure they’ve  _ always _ wanted to get you to kick the weed habit.”

“Yeah, good point. Just forgot how naggy they can be.”

“Because we care about you!” TJ cuts in, laughing a little bit.

So far, things are going surprisingly well. TJ and Flynn got into a brief tussle while we were handing the food out (we decided it was a tie; both committed a species features foul), Flynn and Carl got into a debate about what’s worse between Carl constantly smelling like weed and Flynn’s scale shedding (I didn’t have to get a word in before we changed the subject, thankfully), and Leo’s sitting right next to me. For now, everything is okay. We’re all okay.

"You alright,  _ chula _ ?" Leo asks quietly as the others fall back into their own conversations. I look up at him, then snort and hide my grin behind my paw. It's hard to take him seriously with a banana pepper hanging out of his muzzle. He pretends to look offended before I take the pepper and pop it into my mouth, which makes him grin back at me, his tail thumping against my lower back.

"Yeah, I am." I scoot a little closer so we’re pretty much pressed together, and I lean my head onto his arm. His tail begins to really wag now, thumping me every other time that it sways in my direction. I can’t help but let out a short laugh, but then I see Jenna.

She’s staring at us with a smirk, waggling her eyebrows. I snort and lean away again, my face turning hot beneath my fur. I’m glad nobody else noticed us having that moment. Leo looks at me, then Jenna (who has now turned away, innocently biting into her food), his tail no longer moving. He keeps eating as well.

Well, now it’s awkward. Great.

I decide to tune in on what the others are saying, but all I can gather is that it involves some movie and Flynn’s talking about how hot the lead actress is. I’m about to note his fascination towards her when he’s gay, but Jenna beats me to it, seamlessly joining in the conversation.

I feel...out of place. That’s what’s been making me so anxious. I don’t feel like I’m a part of this anymore.

Leo, like he always does, notices I’m feeling like shit and wraps an arm around me before he speaks up.

“Alright guys,” he begins, with everyone pausing to listen to him, “I want all of us to have fun while we’re here, but we need to remember that we’ve only got one week, and Chase…” He side-eyes me, the concern evident on his face. “Uh...Chase had this idea because he thinks it’s best that we all talk about a few things. But before all of that, I already made plans for us to visit Southwest adventures tomorrow, and some things we can do in Payton later on this week, but we don’t need to worry about that now.” He grins at everyone, and I wonder if I’m the only one to catch that it’s slightly forced. He tilts his head then, thinking about something, before smiling. “I, uh, don’t suppose anyone has a camera that isn’t from a phone?” Jenna perks up.

“Actually, yeah! I almost forgot!” She gets up and walks to one of the dressers, rummaging through it for a moment before pulling out a camera. She grins and walks over to me with a grin, handing it over. I take it carefully and stare down at it, stunned. “I got it for you after Leo asked us to come. Just, uh…” Her eyes flick to Leo before back to me. “Just thought you might want to get a headstart on journalism.” I look up at her. I don’t know what to say. “I know you said you like the writing part better, but it’s still good to-” I put the camera on the bed and stand up, hugging her tightly.

“Thank you.” I finally tell her, a grin breaking out on my face. It takes a moment, but she finally hugs back with a laugh.

“You’re welcome, Chase.” I turn to the bed again, ignoring the tense look Leo has as I pick up the camera and fiddle with it.

“Uh…” He looks up at me. “Think you could figure out how to get a good pic of all of us?” I keep messing around with the camera’s settings until I find the self timer and nod.

“Yeah.” I start looking for a spot to place it to give us a good angle.

After creative use of some of TJ and Jenna’s luggage, and a few minutes of Leo adjusting everyone at the end of one of the beds, we manage to get into position.

“Alright, here goes…” I mutter, setting the timer and fast-walking to the spot Leo saved for me.

We huddle together just as the camera goes off. I separate from the others and pick up the camera, walking over to the others so they can see the photo.

“It looks great!” Leo praises, rubbing my shoulder. “Good job,  _ chula. _ ” I have to agree, we all look pretty good, and the picture quality is fantastic. I kind of wish Flynn had bothered to smile, though.

* * *

We watch a movie for the next couple of hours, but we mostly just catch up on how we’d been since we were all together last. It feels good to hang out again, and it almost feels like we’re just picking up where we left off. Finally, at about 10, we decide that it’s time to head out.

Carl offers to drive Flynn home, and I have to admit I can’t blame the gila for accepting immediately. I spend the whole drive back home tinkering with the camera’s settings, trying to recall what little I learned about them from the projects we had to do in high school. Not the same types of cameras, granted, but same basic principle, right?

...I’ll probably be lucky if I don’t somehow destroy this thing by pressing a button wrong, or something. I’ve never really considered ‘picturesque’ to be a word that would describe Echo, but now that I have this camera all I can think about is taking a ton of pictures of different places and going to Payton to have them developed. Maybe we can have them framed or something, give our trailer a bit more of a cozy feel to it.

“Otter, we’re home.” Leo taps me on the arm, and I look up at him, my face turning a little red as I laugh sheepishly and put the camera down.

“Sorry.” Leo just shakes his head with an amused grin and leans over, giving me a quick kiss.

“Don’t be. You’re adorable when you’re excited about something.” His grin fades a little bit, and now he looks almost sad as he brushes my cheek with his thumb. “I...haven’t seen you  _ this _ excited about something for awhile…”

Come on, Chase. This is the perfect time. Talk to him. This needs to happen. You can’t just let it hang over you both.

“It’s just…” Come on, Goddamn it! “...it’s just really good to see everyone again.” Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

_ Stupid. Fucking. Idiot. _

We get out of the van and walk back into the house silently. We decide to just shower in the morning (even though I can already smell my musk glands acting up…) and strip down to our underwear, lying down like we always do, Leo with his arm wrapped around me...but he holds my hand again instead of holding me closer, squeezing gently.

“I think this will turn out okay,  _ chula… _ ” He mutters, placing a kiss on my head. “We’ll have a lot of fun tomorrow. You’ll see.” I nod, because I believe him wholeheartedly. Tomorrow  _ will _ be fun. Just like old times.

“I love you.” I keep talking, not letting myself hesitate. If I hesitate, I won’t get it out. “I’m sorry for all the times I’ve made you doubt that.” I really don’t think he’s ever  _ doubted _ that I love him...but it’s how I feel. I’m sure I’ve given him plenty of reason to.

His next breath is deep, and just a little bit shaky. He stops holding my hand and instead shifts to what we normally do, wrapping his arm around me completely and pulling me tight against him.

“I love you too, Chase…so fucking much…”

Just before I fall asleep, he says something else.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was...a struggle for me to write, as you can guess by the gap between the previous chapter's publication and this one.
> 
> I love writing this, though. I haven't written from a first person pov since I first got into writing (late 2013/early 2014, I think), and it honestly feels so much more personal than third person. My first story, like many, contained a marty stu character, and my hatred for it has caused me to distance myself from the pov for a long time. But this return to my original writings actually feels good, and I already think I prefer it to third person. I also like present tense much better, as it turns out lol
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!


	6. Rising Tension (Sunday Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something seems to hang over the group even as they try to pick up where they left off, and Chase discovers that he might not be able to pretend anymore.

I look down at Echo from our new vantage point. We stopped here on the way to Payton, the mountain road towering over the distant town, looking tinier than ever from here.

Desolate. That’s the right word. Well, not quite. The population here is around 50 at its highest, but the only time it reaches that is in the Summer when everyone shows up for their, uh…’vacation’.

I hold the viewfinder to my eye, trying to make sure I have all of the settings correct as I snap a picture.

I startle a bit as Leo gives me a kiss on the cheek, a goofy, tongue-out smile on his face that makes me laugh, and I quickly turn the camera towards him, taking another picture. He kisses me again.

“What’re you doing?” I giggle, taking a step back.

“Every time you take a good photo, I give you a kiss.”

“You haven’t even seen them, how do you know they’re good?”

“Because  _ you _ took them.” He grins at me, and I feel my face get a little hot for reasons other than the sun.

“Someone’s feeling sappy today, huh?”

"I don't know about you, otter, but I didn't come here to mope around." He leans down and kisses me full on the lips this time, and I manage to push down all of my worries for just a moment as I kiss him back…

“Yo Chase!” Carl yells from the van. I roll my eyes with a smile as I break away from Leo (noting the look of disappointment on his face) and turn towards the van.

Carl has his pants down, his white-furred ass hanging out of the window at us. Leo just snorts and tries hard not to smile...but then his ears perk when he sees me starting to raise the camera.

“Chase, don’t you dare, we get enough of those sent to us on our phones.” I just laugh and put the camera back down.

“Yeah, but come on. He has a  _ great _ ass.” Partially just for comedic effect, I loudly whistle, and I hear Flynn laughing before he quickly reaches towards Carl, who actually sounds a bit...flustered?

“Flynn, what the fuck-”

“You heard ‘im, fatass! Give us a show!” And then he finally gets ahold of Carl’s pants just as the ram tries to squirm away. I realize where this is going and quickly look away just as Flynn yanks Carl’s pants down the rest of the way, laughing his ass off all the while...though I see Leo’s still looking, an eyebrow arched.

“Well, turns out the rest of him is pretty white too.” Then he sends me a playful smile as I laugh and punch his arm. “You can turn around, he’s decent.”

I can’t help but grin as I get into the van, but Carl’s gaze is fixed out the window, his face flushed. TJ has his face in his paws, and it finally strikes me that from where Carl had been, TJ probably got a  _ very _ close view of what Carl’s packing. Ouch. Deciding that teasing Carl a little more can’t hurt, I turn towards him.

“Relax Carl, it was a compliment. You should be proud! Not even Leo has an ass like that.” Carl’s blush deepens, and though Jenna gives me a disapproving look, she’s hiding a smile behind her book, and Flynn snorts while Leo pretends to look offended.

“I’ve never heard any complaints from you before,  _ chula. _ ” TJ lets out a groan, his ears flat.

“Oh my gosh, please just drive and let’s never talk about this again.”

“Did everyone use the bathroom?” Jenna asks first. Everyone had. “And is everyone sure they don’t want a drink?” Everyone is. “Okay then.” Chuckling at her famous maternal tone appearing, Leo shakes his head and we take off, leaving the rest stop and the view of our pitiful town behind.

“...so did you get a good shot of my ass?” TJ looks up from his paws, eyes widened.

_ “Carl!”  _ Flynn and I burst out laughing again.

* * *

I stare at Southwest Adventures as the others get out of the van, shielding my eyes with a paw. It’s as big as I remember it being, at least. Leo and I usually only go to Payton for work, so coming here was never really an option. In fact, I can’t remember if I ever brought up going. It probably wouldn’t have been as fun if it were just the two of us, though.

_ Carl and Flynn exist, you know. Only thinking about yourself even surrounded by friends. _

I immediately look at the masses of people entering and exiting the park instead, trying to shake the thoughts from my head.

This is going to be a good day. We’re here to have fun.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m  _ starving _ .” Carl flops onto a bench as soon as we make it into the park, looking around for any food stands. “Let’s get some funnel cakes.” Flynn rolls his eyes with an expression of mild disgust.

“Jesus, Carl, we just got here.”

“I didn’t have any breakfast.”

“Yeah you did; a blunt with a side of munchies.” Leo finally cuts in.

“It’s no problem, Carl. Go get something while I plan out what we’re doing.” It seems like Carl’s finally seen the funnel cake stand, because he’s immediately on his way to it.

I spot a stand back at the entrance giving out maps of the park. I grab one and head back, handing it over to Leo.

“Thanks  _ chula. _ ” Leo briefly looks over the map. “Usually when my family comes here we go clockwise, that way we get to hit all the rides.”

“When’s the last time you came here with your family?” I ask. Leo looks a little puzzled himself as he tries to figure it out.

“I think...when you came with us? Almost four years ago, now.”

Jesus Christ.

“That sounds like a plan.” Flynn interrupts, thankfully bringing us back on track as Leo clears his throat and continues.

“We probably won’t be able to go on everything today with the huge crowd, but if we do it that way we’ll at least be able to try Event Horizon.” I immediately look over to TJ and, predictably, the lynx looks nervous.

“A-Are you sure?” He asks, his voice almost too quiet to hear over the crowd surrounding us. “The line’s usually really long…” He looks up at the massive, spiralling roller coaster, its electric red paint easily catching the eyes of anyone that enters the park. Hell, you can see it from almost anywhere in Payton. Either Leo doesn’t notice TJ’s discomfort or ignores it, because he just smiles.

“Yep! It’s the fastest and tallest roller coaster in the West. It’ll be worth the wait.” That just sours TJ’s mood even more.

“Oh…” TJ rubs his arm, and I notice that the corner of his muzzle is twitching a bit. I thought he’d gotten over that tic years ago...now Leo’s concern shines through, probably because he sees it as well.

“Are you alright, TJ? We can skip that ride if you-”

“Oh Hell TJ, you’re a fucking adult now!” Flynn scowls. I’m about to tell him where he can shove that attitude, but TJ shakes his head.

“No! I’m fine, I just, uh...haven’t been on a roller coaster in a while.” I don’t buy that for a second. He’s tensed up, for one thing, and there’s a slight tremble to his voice. “I’m riding all of the rides with you guys.” Then he quickly walks away, his head lowered and his paws shoved into his pockets. I’m already thinking of ways to get him out of this, but then I spot Carl approaching with a massive funnel cake in his paws, topped with ice cream, powdered sugar, and strawberries.

Christ, there’s no way he’ll be able to keep that down once we hit the faster rides...I make a mental note not to sit anywhere near or behind him.

“Anyone want a bite?” He offers when he gets close to us. Leo perks up a bit with a smile.

“Yeah, sure! That looks really-”

“No? Alright, guess I’ll have to eat the  _ whole _ thing.” As he digs in, a twinge of irritation passes through me. Years ago I might’ve found this funny, but come on. Apparently I’m not the only one annoyed, because Flynn rolls his eyes.

“Great. Now we have to wait for fatass here to finish all that.” Carl pulls his face out of the cake, the white fur still visibly covered in powdered sugar.

“Gross.” It occurs to me as the word leaves my mouth that I sound almost scornful, and Carl’s gaze flicks to me, his chewing paused, before he looks back to Flynn and keeps talking.

“I can eat in the line. Are we going on Event Horizon first? That wait will be at  _ least _ an hour long.” As we head that way, I hang back with Leo, looking around for TJ. Jenna isn’t around either, so she probably headed off already to find him.

“If you’re hungry, I can get you a-”

“I’m fine,  _ chula. _ ” He smiles and kisses my forehead. “I can eat after. I’d rather get on that monster with an empty stomach.” I smirk and nudge his side with my elbow.

“That’s why I don’t eat when you give me that look of yours at dinner.” Leo blushes a little bit as he laughs.

“What does that even mean? What ‘look’?” I grin at him, swaying my tail a bit just to tease him.

“You know what I’m talking about.” I don’t say anything else as he insists that he does not, in fact, know what I mean. I just keep grinning and walk ahead to keep up with Carl and Flynn.

* * *

The line for Event Horizon turned out to be  _ two _ hours long, so by the time we make it to the ride itself my shirt is clinging to my fur from sweat, and I’m both  _ very _ desperate to go for a swim and  _ very _ aware that I’m starting to stink, but it’s too late to step out and find a bathroom now.

Buying an outdoor swimming pool, as big of a pain in the ass as that would be, is sounding more tempting than ever…

“Nervous, Chase?” Leo asks, grinning at me. I manage to smirk back.

“I’ve ridden it before, Leo.” I look behind him. “Are you sure  _ you’re  _ not nervous? Your tail’s down.”

“Huh?” Leo looks back at his tail, then forces it to stay upright as Jenna grabs his paw.

“Come on Leo, let’s ride the front!” She has a huge grin on her face that I realize suddenly I’ve really missed seeing as she drags a now-hesitant Leo towards the line for the front, which is twice as long as the others.

Since I just so happen to value my life and the contents of my stomach, I opt for the middle instead, and TJ quickly joins me. His ears are poking straight up, and his motor tic is still going off.

“There’s an exit over there for people that change their mind…” I mutter to him, nodding my head towards the door. “You can slip out and nobody will know.” I look down at TJ’s paws as he grabs onto the railing. His claws are unsheathed and digging into the metal, causing some of the red paint to chip and flake off.

“I’m fine…” He mutters back to me.

“Are you sure?” He looks at me with a  _ very _ bad attempt at a genuine smile.

“Yep! I’m perfectly fine.” Then he fakes a laugh, and honestly it takes everything in me not to drag his ass out the exit door myself, because there’s no  _ way _ he’ll be okay on this ride. But I manage to power through that urge and instead smile at him in what I hope is an encouraging way.

“Well, the middle is the best place to be if you don’t like roller coasters anyway.”

“Yeah…” Jesus Christ, why is he so determined to do this? Is he trying to prove something? I stay silent as our train comes along, and I step in first as two hyenas step out, the two of them laughing and panting, and of  _ course _ they’re talking as loudly as possible about how terrifying the ride is. A comment about one of them nearly pissing his pants makes me immediately check the seats before I sit down. Then I look up at TJ.

He’s frozen in place, one foot stuck out to get onto the platform, his whole body as rigid as a statue, his eyes wide. Uh oh.

“Teej?” I call quietly, hoping nobody else has noticed yet.

“I...uh…” He stammers, not moving as a teenage fox comes by to check the lap bar, and I stick out my paw to let him know to wait.

“TJ, are you getting on?” I ask him slowly, not raising my voice, hoping I can get him to relax enough to move. The fox is starting to look annoyed, and a flare of anger rises in my chest.

“If you’re getting on, you need to do it now. We can’t hold up the whole ride for you, sir. The exit’s that way.” Well fuck you too, dude. Sorry you’re so bored with your job you have to make someone that’s already nervous feel even worse. People around us are starting to stare. Shit.

I look back and notice Flynn is seated next to Carl at the back. He’s grinning like this is hilarious to him. Fucking  _ asshole. _

“TJ, if you don’t want to ride, I won’t either.” I tell him, hoping that might at least somewhat lessen his embarrassment. Of course, Flynn picks that time to taunt TJ.

“Aww, too scared? Guess you’re a pussy after all!”

“That’s funny coming from the guy  _ with _ a pussy.” I snap back at him. Flynn’s expression sours a little bit, but then Carl speaks up.

“Shut up, Flynn. TJ, when it gets real bad just say to yourself ‘at least I’m not going to die’.”

“Actually, a few people  _ have-” _

“TJ!” I finally yell, and the lynx seems to snap out of it, quickly sitting down next to me. I manage to glare back at Flynn while the fox makes sure our shoulder restraints and the lap bar are secured. The insides of TJ’s ears are bright red.

We shouldn’t have started with this ride. We should’ve started small, built him up a bit. If it hadn’t been Carl to suggest it, I could almost think Flynn did this on purpose. TJ had always been his favorite to torment growing up.

_ Your favorite, too. _

I’m close to telling myself to fuck off again out loud when I’m jolted back as the train begins to move forward.

“Oh gosh!” Not really thinking about it, I slide my paw into his and squeeze it tightly, momentarily surprising him.

“Squeeze as tight as you can whenever you get too scared,” I tell him, trying once again to give him an encouraging smile. “You’ll be fine.” I didn’t really expect it to help much, and it apparently hasn’t, because he continues freaking out...although he doesn’t pull his paw away.

“Oh no oh no oh no, why am I doing this?” I get the feeling he isn’t asking me directly, so I don’t respond, because I don’t really know why he’s doing it either.

“TJ, just-”

“Chase, be quiet!” I pause, staring at him. He’s...never yelled like that before. At least, not in a long time. His fur is on end, making him look twice his usual size. “I just...I need some quiet right now, and-” He yelps as the train begins to ascend the first hill. I feel something sharp pricking through the fur on my paws and into my skin, and it’s only then that I remember TJ has claws. Shit.

He starts muttering something, his eyes shut tightly. My ears perk up a little bit (though it doesn’t really help) as I realize what he’s doing.

“...TJ are you  _ praying?”  _ He doesn’t reply, and soon we’re at the top of the hill, and I’m close to praying as well...that I’ll still have the skin of my paws intact when this is over. I really hope TJ doesn’t have a panic attack or something...

* * *

I wince a little bit as I wash the blood out of the fur on my paw, then I sigh and look back at the bathroom stall TJ holed himself up in. Thankfully, he didn’t react as badly as I was hyping myself up for him to...although at one point he  _ did _ start crying, and when we started the first descent he squeezed my paw with  _ both _ of his, and his claws were unsheathed throughout the ride.

At least the scratches themselves are superficial, although they sting where the water runs over them.

Flynn and Carl were waiting for us when the ride was over, and I was certain Flynn was going to start giving TJ a hard time again...but then I think he noticed the tears, because he stayed silent, the smirk completely gone from his face. That brings a sigh out of me too, thinking about it. I really wish Flynn would lay off. We’re not kids anymore. He shouldn’t be making fun of TJ over something like this. It’s like how Jenna used to always tease me about my arachnophobia. Actually, last time she was here, she still did. But whatever. Jenna just likes to tease and play pranks; Flynn is outright mean just because he thinks it’s funny. He reminds me of Sydney in that regard.

“TJ, are you okay?” I call back, ignoring the stares I get from the other people in the bathroom.

“Y-Yeah!” He replies, trying hard to sound like he’s telling the truth. “Just, uh...one second.” I think I remember TJ actually getting an anxiety diagnosis when he first started going to therapy. I wonder if he still has to take medication for that…

I watch through the mirror as he opens the stall door and steps out, looking a lot calmer, and he’s brushed his fur down to look less poofy. His smile seems a bit more genuine now, but it vanishes once he notices my paw.

“I’m sorry…” He steps a little bit closer, as if to inspect it himself. “Is it bad?” I turn around and smile at him, not letting him see the scratches. They’re not very noticeable beneath my thick fur, and the bleeding has stopped, but I know if he sees them he’ll just feel worse.

“Nah, it’s fine! Doesn’t even hurt.”

“Oh...that’s good.” We both stay quiet, and for some reason I’m finding it harder to look him in the eyes. I start to air out my shirt a bit, once more wishing there was a pool around, and then TJ starts to speak. “Chase, do you remember when…” He hesitates, and when I look at him he’s staring at the floor. “I...nevermind. Have you heard from the others?”

"Yeah. Leo texted me before we came in that he and the others are waiting for us by the ride." TJ nods, and for another few moments we stand in awkward silence. I really don’t think TJ will be able to handle another ride after all this, and I feel like I might have a heat stroke if I have to stand in another line in this heat, so I offer both of us an out.

“Look, I really think I’d rather just sit down and watch some of the shows they have here, or something. If I wait in one more line I think I might keel over.” The lynx looks up at me, concern washing over his face before he realizes I’m joking (kinda) and the corners of his muzzle quirk upwards.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Okay, here we go. Hopefully he won’t refuse if it feels like I’m not doing this because of his anxiety...if that’s what this was. I manage to smile back at him with full sincerity. “Want to watch some with me?” TJ’s ears perk up a bit, and he lowers his paw, which had been clutching his arm nervously, and clasps them together instead.

“Yeah...I think that’ll be fun.” I can tell he’s relieved to have a way out of more of the rollercoasters. Honestly, as far as being scary goes, it’s all downhill from the Event Horizon, but with what just happened I really don’t want to risk TJ crying again. I don’t know about Flynn, but I wouldn’t be able to have fun if one of us is miserable the whole time.

* * *

I spot the others as we head back towards the ride; they’re all waiting for us by the exit. Carl is crouched on the ground, and Jenna is kneeling next to him, gently rubbing his back. Uh oh. I knew he’d get sick from this ride…

“Is Carl okay?” I ask once we get close enough to be heard over the crowd. Jenna looks up at us with a sympathetic smile.

“He’s not feeling very well.” I figured as much. I look around and see a bench a little ways away.

“Do you want to sit down, Carl? I can help you-”

“If I move, I’m gonna fucking barf…” He groans in response, his eyes squeezed shut. Flynn rolls his eyes, his paws stuffed into his pockets. This is an awful time for it, since Carl is feeling sick, but I can’t help but wonder if the heat’s getting to Flynn too. He may be cold-blooded, and Gilas are desert-adapted, but that doesn’t mean he can’t still overheat. I’m about to ask if he needs water, or something when he speaks, and I decide not to. He knows his own limits, I’m sure.

“That’s what you get for stuffing your face right before we got on the ride.” Jenna elects to ignore him and looks at me.

“Do you think they sell ginger pills here? Or at least ginger ale?”

“A joint would be nice…” Carl grumbles. I really don’t know if that would help him at all, but even if I did I don’t carry those around with me.

“I’ll go look,” Tj volunteers. “There are some vendors over there.” As he heads that way, I can’t help but be glad everyone’s focusing on Carl; at least then the attention off of TJ. Leo approaches Carl, a serious frown on his muzzle as he helps the ram stand up.

“Let’s get you to a bench. It won’t be as bad if you sit down…” I finally get a good look at Carl’s face as Leo and Jenna help him stand, and I can tell that he really might be sick.

It’s occurred to me already that to anyone else, today’s been a disaster, but honestly, it’s just like our hangouts always were. Nothing ever goes the way we plan for it to. We just roll with that.

As soon as Carl sits down, he doubles over with his face in his paws, moaning quietly. TJ comes back with a cup in his paws, and he sits next to Carl.

“No ginger ale…” He offers the cup to Carl. “But they had lime soda.” Carl takes the cup and takes a sip before sitting back and letting out a loud belch.

“Ugh...fuck it. I’m done, guys. No more rides for me.” Flynn glowers a bit. He seems to be in a bit of a bad mood today.

“Are you fucking kidding me? What’re you planning on doing the rest of the day? Just sitting there?” TJ, as always, looks uncomfortable with Flynn’s cursing, but I think he realized a long time ago that nothing he says is going to stop him. Or any of us, for that matter. In fact, I think the only person that actively avoids swearing in front of TJ is Jenna...and even then, she hardly ever swears in general.

"Actually, me and Chase are going to see some shows instead." TJ smiles at him. "You can come with us if you want." Flynn lets out a short groan of annoyance, and Leo frowns, his ears lowering just a bit.

“We were doing this so we could all hang out together, remember?” His eyes remain on me longer than the others.

“Aw, leave them. We’re just wasting time.” Flynn turns and walks off, his paws shoved deep into his pockets, his posture hunched. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he actually enjoyed spending time with us. Why does he have to be such a jerk all the time?

Jenna shakes her head with a sigh, her arms crossed as she looks at me.

“Well, we all have our phones, right? Just text us updates on how you’re doing.”

“Okay.” I try hard to smile at her. She smiles back, but it looks equally forced. She’s probably annoyed at Flynn too. She turns and follows the lizard, but Leo hesitates, looking at me again. He looks ready to say something, but then seems to remember TJ and Carl are around, so all he does is give me a quick kiss and mutter an “I love you” before going after Jenna and Flynn. I watch them for a little while, and it finally occurs to me that I’m not happy about this. Were we this easily annoyed by each other before? I can’t remember.

At the very least, I wish Flynn would bother to show whether or not he gives a shit about any of us. It would make a lot of things so much easier. I sigh and sit down on the bench, on the opposite side of Carl from TJ, and we sit in complete silence.

* * *

It takes a few minutes, but Carl finally starts feeling well enough to stand and walk around. I’ve been reminded by now of just how brutal the warmer months are around here, especially for someone of my species. If I recall correctly, Dale is the only other otter in Echo besides me, now that my parents moved. I wonder if he has a rough time with the heat too, or if I’m just being a baby about it. Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen Dale around town much lately. Then again, I usually don’t go all that far from Leo’s house on days that I’m not working.

It strikes me, like it has on multiple occasions, that Leo and Kudzu have been 95 percent of my social interaction the past few years. Well, face-to-face interaction, anyway. I would text Carl now and then, or even TJ and Jenna, but those conversations died pretty quickly. I’ve never been sure if it was because of awkwardness or if they didn’t want to talk to  _ me  _ specifically.

_ Why would they want to? You abandoned Carl. You disappointed Jenna. And TJ? Stop pretending you didn’t love to bully him too. _

“Chase!” I jump a bit, my head snapping over to TJ. He jumps as well, and then he smiles. Carl’s got an odd expression on his face, like he’s trying hard to look indifferent. “Sorry if I scared you! You just kind of...stopped walking.”

“Is it the heat?” Carl asks, rubbing the back of his head. “I’ll get you a drink if you need one.”

“I’m fine,” I assure them, and for once forcing a smile is easy. “Seriously. Just lost in thought.”

_ You don’t deserve them. _

_ Never have. _

_ Never will. _

* * *

I point out the first stage that I see, and we sit down. Immediately I start to feel a little bit better. I sigh and relax into the seat, closing my eyes briefly before Carl speaks.

“Still have trouble sleeping?” I open my eyes and look over to the ram, who’s giving me a sidelong glance. “You look tired as shit.” I let out a snort and shake my head. I’m actually surprised that he remembers that.

“Nah, it’s just the heat.” I shut my eyes again until TJ speaks up.

“Do you still go on walks?” I look at him.

“Huh?”

“I only saw you do it once, and…” the lynx smiles at me awkwardly, “...it was a long time ago, but...you told me once that when you can’t sleep you go for a walk.”

_ Don’t deserve them. _

My stomach clenches, but I smile back at him.

“I actually haven’t had to do that in a long time.” In fact, I stopped having trouble sleeping when Leo and I began dating. Having someone holding me worked wonders, as it turned out. I think it really helped that when he was around, I could forget everything bad. I could choose to be happy.

I don’t know when, but eventually it stopped feeling like that. I never stopped being happy with Leo, but eventually the kind of...I don’t know...the ‘lovey dovey’ part of our relationship just faded. We got used to having each other. The feeling came back when we moved in together, but then faded after a few months, and it’s been gnawing at me. Am I not in love with him anymore?

“Well, if you ever need to go for a walk again, just head up to my place,” Carl says. “I’m up until about three every night.” I raise my eyebrows.

“Uh...why?” He shrugs and leans back, kicking his hooves up onto the chair in front of him.

“Games. Every now and then I read, too…” Carl thoughtfully rubs his chin, opening and closing his muzzle a few times as he seems to have an internal battle on whether or not to say something. “You know, you can come over anytime. Spend the night, maybe. That house is creepy as Hell sometimes when you’re the only one in it.” I frown. His parents are probably on a trip or something if he’s by himself. He seems to read my expression, because he manages to grin, putting on a God-awful accent. “Mum and Dad are vacationing in the Regal Paradise. Having a bloody good time too, they tell me.”

“Did you want to go with them?” I ask, unable to contain a grin at how dumb and goofy the accent sounded. Carl laughs, blowing a raspberry at me, and I can’t help but briefly join him.

“Nah, not really. First thing I heard about it from Mom is that weed isn’t legal there yet, so I figured I was supposed to take that as them not wanting me to go.” He shrugs. Not for the first time, I feel a bit of resentment towards Carl’s parents. Sure, they tried to encourage him to be more active in life, but at the end of the day, what did that amount to when they’re never around?

_ Someone’s projecting today, huh? _

“Oh…” Is all I can say, hoping my voice doesn’t sound as strained as it feels.

“But they said they’d bring me back some chocolate from over there. Said it’s ‘real’, whatever the Hell that means.” He smirks a little bit and pokes at his round belly. “Guess they decided I’m not enough of a fatass yet.”

“Carl.” I frown at him, my eyebrows furrowed. I hate when he does this. “You’re not-”

“I’m getting there, though,” Carl interrupts like we’ve had this conversation a hundred times. We probably have. “Soon all I’ll have to do is cover up my face in the mirror and jerk off to my moobs.” I make a weird noise, like a mix between a snort and a cough as I try not to laugh, while TJ stares at us with all the disapproval of his mom when I wouldn’t sit still at church. “Not very hard to do when you’re high.”

“...you’ve  _ actually _ done it?” I ask, incredulous...and unable to help picturing it, which obviously feels weird, and I immediately shake the thought away. Carl shrugs, and the smirk on his face makes me oddly nervous, as if he can somehow read my mind. Without thinking, I reach out, pressing my paw to his chest. Well, the ‘moobs’ thing is certainly bullshit. He has a firmer chest than I do. Carl leans back, pretending to look horrified as he cries out something about assault in a grating falsetto.

“Bullshit Carl, they’re harder than mine!”

“So we’re like teenage girls comparing racks in the locker room?” Ew.

“You’re the one that brought the idea up.” Carl stares at me, as if trying to see something...and then nods.

“I can actually see it. Yeah...you’re the hot one everyone likes-” That’s not very accurate to me. As I recall, nobody *except* this circle of friends liked me in school. “-I’m the big fat chick you all pretend to be nice to, but call Thunder Thighs behind her back-” For some reason, that makes me feel bad, and I try to speak before he continues, but he manages to cut me off. “-and TJ-” TJ had (wisely) stopped paying attention to us, watching some of the dancers onstage. He looks at us, eyes as wide and innocent as ever. “-is the cute Christian chick that only takes it up the butt so she’s technically still a virgin.”

Oh my fucking God.

TJ physically  _ flinches _ back, like he’s been pushed, and looks as mortified as I feel.

_ “What?”  _ Now that he has the lynx’s attention, Carl reaches towards TJ’s chest.

“Let me feel, I want to compare!”

“What in the world are you-” he seems to understand and looks like he’s about to leap out of his chair. “No!”

“Carl, cut it out.” I try to pry the ram’s hand from TJ as the two tussle a bit, the lynx’s paw striking out to whack Carl in the nose when someone behind us shushes us, and the two settle down. I lean back with a sigh. So much for growing out of making TJ uncomfortable. I want to ask if he’s okay, but I know babying him will just embarrass him. That’s how he’s always been.

Which...is actually a little relieving. At least we can settle back into old dynamics relatively easily, even if there’s more awkwardness about it. I sigh and try to focus on the show, which now features several mice having some kind of...I don’t know. A hoe-down, I guess? TJ’s really getting into it, even clapping along quietly. I can’t help but smile; sometimes he’s just adorable. Carl, on the other hand, is leaning back in his chair, smirking as if the whole thing is a big joke to him. To be fair, the dance  _ is _ sort of ridiculous.

My eyelids start to feel heavy after a while. Sheesh. The heat must have taken more out of me than I thought. I sigh and rub my eyes, looking around. I guess I could rest my head back, but as short as the backs of the seats are, it’d just hang over it. If I leaned forward, I’d have to double over, which poses a risk of falling head-first off the seat assuming the discomfort of the position wouldn’t prevent me from getting any rest at all. I look over at TJ, then at Carl. Would they mind?

TJ’s still watching the shows with rapt attention. I’d really rather not bother or distract him from that. After the day he’s had, he deserves to have fun.

“Carl?” I ask. He glances at me and grunts, only vaguely aware that I’m talking. “I’m going to use you as a pillow.” That catches his attention, and his head snaps over to me.

“Huh?” I lean over immediately instead of replying, resting my head on the bulk of his shoulder and closing my eyes. He’s...surprisingly sturdy. I sort of expected him to feel like a pillow. “Damn, Chase. Are you that tired?” I can hear the concern in his voice, and it clenches at my stomach again.

_ Don’t deserve him. Left him alone. _

“Mhm,” is all I respond with.

“...alright then.” He shifts and puts an arm across the back of the seats, supporting me a bit more.

It’s a sweet gesture, and I’m reminded once more just how great of a friend Carl’s always been. Even when I haven’t deserved it.

_ Like right now. _

I let out a quiet sigh as the sounds of the audience clapping and the fiddles playing begins to fade away...

* * *

_ I’m walking along a familiar road. It’s the middle of the night, but the full moon and the starry sky keeps it surprisingly bright as I stroll along. It takes me a few moments to realize where I am. _

_ Route 65. _

_ It’s a surprising revelation; I haven’t been on this route much in the past few years. But I don’t stop, nor do I hesitate. I keep walking at a fairly brisk pace, as if I have a specific destination in mind even though I have no clue why I’m dreaming about this road. _

_ A van appears to my left, off the road. I look over at it, still somehow not perturbed, even as a red glow begins to radiate from the windows. _

_ I hear an odd assortment of noises inside. _

_ A clap, and a cry, and then voices. _

_ A tarantula crawls across one of the backdoor windows, its eyes gleaming. It watches me. _

_ I keep walking, ignoring the protesting at the back of my head, insisting that I need to investigate. I want to get there soon. Where, exactly, I have no idea. Just that I need to get there quickly. _

_ I’m walking towards Lake Emma. _

_ This doesn’t make any sense. I was nowhere near the lake moments ago. But this feels right. I’m exactly where I want to be. _

_ Toby’s at the edge of the water, making a sandcastle. As if he senses my approach, he looks up at me with a sweet smile. He says something, but I can’t hear him. And anyway, it doesn’t matter. _

_ Something seems to come over Toby as I get closer. He looks..concerned. Worried. He speaks again, his mouth clearly forming words, but I don’t hear anything. _

_ As I step closer, he begins to stand. Says something else. Takes a step back. _

_ As soon as his foot touches the water’s edge, everything changes. _

_ The sky is red. The moon turns yellow, and then orange...and then black, like the sky itself burned it away. The stars begin to run, like drops of paint, drifting downwards, the specks of white mixing with the ruby-red. Toby doesn't seem to notice the filter of red light falling over everything. He keeps talking, though, and is clearly agitated. Then he points behind me, and finally, I hear him. _

_ “What is that?” _

_ I turn around. _

_ It stands taller than me, staring at us from only a few yards away. A long, thick tail drags behind it, some of the flesh sloughing off as it sweeps across the sand. _

_ It’s wearing luchador swimming shorts, and for some reason my mind briefly latches onto that, as if that matters. Does it matter? _

_ It stares at us, grinning with chipped and rotted teeth...but I soon realize, as it steps closer, that it has no lips; only ripped, decayed remains are left. _

_ It reminds me of the zombies in a movie I made Toby watch with me, a long time ago...except for its eyes. _

_ Its eyes, bright and blue, look as alive as they were the day that whatever this thing is...or was...died. _

_ And all they do is stare. _

_ All I can do is stare back. _

_ A crackling noise like static fills my ears. _

_ I hear Toby scream, and then loud splashing, like something’s dragged him into the water, and he’s thrashing around. _

_ I have to help him. _

_ But I can’t move. _

_ The thing is getting closer, its eyes never leaving mine, keeping me there, keeping me from looking back. _

_ I can’t even speak. Can’t even make my tail twitch. Can’t close my eyes. _

_ As the thing gets closer, and Toby’s splashing begins to cease, it makes a disgusting noise, like a croak and a gag. _

_ It retches, a swarm of tarantulas pouring from its mouth, crawling down its body, their eyes as red as the sky as they crawl towards me. _

_ I can’t even scream, can’t move to shake them off. I can’t even look at them, even as I feel them skittering up my legs, some of them biting down with their needlelike fangs, while others keep going, crawling up my shirt...my neck...over my face… _

_ My mouth begins to open. I realize what’s happening, and tears pour from my eyes as I try and fail once more to move, to thrash about, to resist. But the spiders have stopped moving. _

_ Its standing right in front of me now. The thing slowly leans towards me until its rotting, decayed, putrid face is level with mine. It opens its mouth as well, and its neck bulges as something crawls up it… _

_ And a massive tarantula stares at me with too-large, beady eyes. It slowly crawls out of the things mouth and falls, hitting the sand with an audible thump. _

_ It begins to crawl. _

_ Onto my foot. _

_ Up my leg. _

_ Over my stomach. _

_ Up my neck. _

_ It pauses at my chin, and the thing finally closes its mouth...and what’s left of its mouth, rotted strips of flesh barely hanging on, pull back. Its truly grinning at me now. _

_ The tarantula begins to crawl into my mouth, and finally, I can scream. _

* * *

I’m screaming when I sit up, my eyes wide as I look around wildly, down at myself, making sure there’s nothing on me, nothing crawling over my body. I vaguely register a voice, and then something heavy lands on my shoulder.

A fucking tarantula.

I scream again and lash out, hearing another noise as I hit whatever’s behind me, and I leap upwards, whirling around to face it.

Carl and TJ stare up at me. The lynx’s fur is standing on end, and his claws are unsheathed, digging into the seat from where he’s gripping the back of it.

Carl is holding his snout, wincing in pain, but looks just as freaked out. What happened to him?

_ You hit him. You hit Carl. You scared TJ. Everyone is staring at you. _

“Chase…” TJ’s voice is shaky. “I...are you okay…?” I look around. What’s left of the crowd  _ is _ staring back at me, mostly with confusion, or irritation...some with concern.

I turn and quickly walk away, my breathing heavy, and I pick up the pace to a jog as TJ calls out for me to wait.

I can’t wait. I can’t.

I can feel something crawling up my throat, and my heart pounds, my breaths get shallow, heavy, I nearly trip over myself.

I nearly collapse as I reach the bathroom and throw open a stall door, and I puke, a choked sob wracking my whole body as I let myself fall to the floor on my ass, leaning against the wall.

Tears blur my eyes.

I can still barely make myself breathe.

I can still feel them crawling all over me.

I can still see its stare.

“No…” I finally whisper, wishing I had the nerve to admit it to anyone else. “I’m not okay…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to actually cover Sunday in one sitting, but decided it'd be better if I split it up...and what better spot to end than here? At nearly 40 pages in length from what Google Docs tells me xD I hope you all enjoyed it! Tried to keep the text from being TOO similar to the in-game narration.


	7. Miscommunication (Sunday Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As everyone else realizes Chase is worse off than they always thought, Chase begins to remember some of the less pleasant aspects of Jenna and Leo's friendship...and discovers that getting past his and Leo's issues might take longer than he hoped.

I don’t bother with trying to get up from the bathroom floor, even though I’m sure it’s gross. I can’t bring myself to care. I feel like shit.

I hope TJ isn’t freaking out.

I hope I didn’t hurt Carl.

I still feel sick.

It still feels like fuzzy legs are scuttling all over my body, and I keep looking down at myself just to confirm that there’s nothing on me.

I hear the door opening, but I don’t move. I feel sluggish; like even if I tried to move, I wouldn’t be able to.

“Chase?” I hear TJ’s voice. I open my mouth to respond and just let out a pathetic noise like a whimper. Ugh. I hear TJ talk to someone else, and then I hear hooves on the tile floor that confirm he’s still with Carl.

Moments later, the two of them are standing in front of the stall, down at the pathetic mess I am, with nothing but worry on their muzzles. I shut my eyes, leaning my head on my arm...which is still resting on the toilet seat.

“Jesus fucking Christ…” Carl mutters. TJ doesn’t say anything, and when I open my eyes Carl is kneeling down in front of me. “Dude, are you alright?” I stare at him for a moment, then slowly nod. Based on the shared look they give each other, they don’t believe me, but neither of them push it. “Need help getting up?” I pause, weighing my options...and then nod again. “Okay.” He loops his arm around me and lifts, standing up with me more or less slumped against his side. I almost expected him to ask TJ for help, but he managed without any trouble.

“I’m fine, I just…” I grimace as I realize I can still taste vomit as well as bile. “I really need something to drink…”

“I’ll go get something.” TJ’s out the door before I can tell him I’d be fine using the tap water. I sigh and move towards the sinks. Carl doesn’t let go, guiding me along until we reach the counter before stepping away from me, his paws in his hoodie pockets. He’s looking away from me.

“Thanks…” I mutter, turning on the water and splashing my face with it before taking a drink. Carl nods. I turn off the water and look at him. “Are you okay?” I ask, coughing a bit. Carl seems surprised by the question, but he nods. We stay in awkward silence for a moment before he speaks.

“What were you dreaming about?” I don’t answer for a moment.

“I can’t remember.” Except for the spiders crawling on me part, I’m telling the truth. Like most of my nightmares, this one has already mostly faded from my memory. Carl manages to maintain a neutral expression, but he’s more hunched over than usual.

“I thought you said you’re not having trouble sleeping anymore.”

“I’m not.” I feel shitty even as I say it. “I just have nightmares sometimes.” I’m making it sound like I was lying to them...which I guess I was.

“Do you usually wake up screaming and hitting people?” My face flushes with shame, and I feel my stubby ears do their best to flatten.

“Fuck, Carl, I’m so sorry.” The ram just shakes his head, waving me off.

“I’m alright, Chase.” He stares at me, and I realize he’s waiting for me to answer him.

“No. Not usually.”

“Has it happened in front of Leo?”

“Yeah.” Before he can ask me another question, TJ comes back with more of the lime soda. I smile gratefully at him and take a few sips as we stand in silence once more.

“Are you okay?” TJ asks tentatively. His ears are lowered so they stick out to the sides. I nod, looking away from him as I take another sip, at which point Carl speaks.

“He’s fine. Turns out he just had a crazy-intense wet dream.” I start to laugh...and choke on the soda, my face quickly flushing as I put the cup down and cough. Carl starts to laugh, though I can’t tell if it’s because of me or because of the priceless expression TJ no doubt has on his face.

“Carl, this is serious!” The lynx admonishes him, now looking more annoyed than anything before I wave him off, clearing my throat once more as I finally recover.

“I’m fine Teej, seriously.” I pull out my phone and scroll through my contacts. “We should probably find the others.” I pause and look up at them both, trying hard to smile at them. “So...did I miss any good shows?” TJ perks up a little bit, but his smile is still hesitant.

“Well, there was this one segment with a bunch of otters doing water tricks! You were in a pretty deep sleep though, so I didn’t want to wake you. Sorry…”

“It’s fine, TJ.” I look back down at my phone, deciding not to tell him I’d have rather not seen my people be viewed as swimming clowns. It’s a gross stereotype. I then note the time on my screen. “Damn, I was out for  _ three hours?”  _ Carl nods, rubbing his stomach.

“Yeah, and I’m starting to get hungry again.” I smile and send a text to Leo.

_ ‘We’re all getting hungry. We should meet up for lunch.’ _

_ ‘k, mostly done with rides anyway’ _

I sigh, wondering for the millionth time if I should bother telling him what most people take responding with ‘k’ to mean. He sends another message.

_ ‘Meet @ food court’ _

* * *

By the time we get to the food court, Flynn’s sitting at a table and eating a pizza already. Carl sits down and immediately opens the box, pulling out a few slices. Flynn grimaces, clearly a little annoyed.

“Ugh...of course.” He looks at TJ and I instead, his expression marginally less grumpy, which I take as a good sign. “Did you guys have fun?” TJ’s eyes flick towards me, but Carl speaks up for him.

“Sorta. Watched some shows about Echo’s deep history of speciesism. Chase…” He hesitates, and his tone becomes a bit more serious. “Chase took a nap.” Flynn tenses, almost imperceptibly, and looks over at me. I offer a weak smile and a thumbs up. I get the feeling he’s not satisfied with that, but he drops it for the moment and looks at TJ instead, who has silently taken his own slice from the box.

“Are you feelin’ any better?” He asks, his tone softer than usual.

“I’m fine.” TJ’s eyes are downcast as he nibbles at his slice. Flynn smiles a bit.

“Well, you’re braver than me. The pizza here’s scarier than any roller coaster.” I can’t help but smile at him. I guess my wish was granted. I look around for a bit.

“Where are Leo and Jenna?” Flynn rolls his eyes and nods towards some carnival games near the court.

“What else? Fightin’.” He shakes his head. “They’ve been playing for over a half hour already.” I frown, unable to help letting out a deep sigh. Some things never change.

“I was hoping Jenna wouldn’t do this…” I walk towards the row of games.

This part of the park is meant to be Old West themed, so its decked out with fake brothels and saloons, complete with crappy, low-quality tack piano music blaring from hidden speakers that really weren’t all that hidden if you tried to look, usually placed behind setpieces or disguised as something else.

It doesn’t take long to find them; Leo’s holding a stuffed unicorn, and Jenna a dragon. I feel a little relieved that they both seem to be in a good mood, but then I notice Leo’s grin is a little...forced. Great. I try to grin as well.

“Looks like a good haul!” I call to them. They both look my way, and Jenna’s grin widens; Leo’s becomes a bit more relaxed, more genuine...but he also looks a little embarrassed.

“Hey Chase!” Jenna, now that I’m getting closer, looks pretty smug. Uh oh.

“Are you guys done? We’re ready to eat now.” Leo shifts the giant unicorn in his arms and nods.

“Yeah, we’re pretty much done.”

“Damn, you must’ve really won hard to get that!” I grin at him, but it quickly fades as the wolf looks away sheepishly, his ears lowering a little bit. This only seems to fuel Jenna’s cockiness.

“That was me.” I look at the dragon she’s holding. “I won this, too.” I’m starting to get a weirdly...bad feeling. Leo seems to notice my expression and his eyes shift downwards while Jenna confirms what I’m starting to suspect. “I beat him at everything.” Leo laughs then, but it sounds halfhearted.

“Well, I wanted your memories of this place to be good, since you’re just visiting.” That’s a word choice I feel was intentional, but if Jenna noticed as well, she doesn’t show it.

“Chase, you should’ve seen the sour look on his face.”

“Oh really?” I don’t like this at all. I usually stayed out of their little...competitions. Leo’s always tended to get carried away with those, especially when I’m around or when it’s Jenna he’s up against, and I think I used to find it funny to see him get so frustrated, but right now, I don’t feel like dealing with it.

“Let’s just go eat,” Leo mutters, already starting to sound a little grumpy as well as embarrassed. I see Jenna’s eyes flick over to another game; a high striker. Her eyes have that familiar glint in them.

“Come on, Leo, why don’t we show Chase who’s the strongest first?” She suggests, gesturing towards the game. Leo straightens up a bit, a big grin growing on his face. I’m starting to feel ill again.

“Doesn’t seem all that fair to you, Jenna.” He replies, gesturing between himself and her, who is over a foot shorter and probably a hundred pounds lighter.

“Afraid I’ll steal your boyfriend?” A chill creeps into my chest as Leo’s grin becomes much more confident, and I interrupt them.

“I’d really just rather we eat.” They both look at me for a second, and Jenna looks like she’s about to keep enticing Leo, but...something makes her stop. Both of them are looking at me weird.

“Chase, are you okay?” Jenna asks, that familiar maternal tone kicking in. “Did something happen?” I begin to answer her, then hesitate. Do I really want to bring it up  _ now?  _ I just shrug, unable to look her in the eye.

“I’m fine, let’s just go.” Leo and Jenna share a look, and then Jenna heads toward the food court...but Leo stays behind, his ears immediately flattening. “Leo, I really don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“Otter…” He sounds both worried and exasperated, a tone I’ve grown familiar with in the many years we’ve been together. “I’m worried about you...I…” He shakes his head. “This isn’t…”

“Leo.” My voice is firm, and he goes quiet. “Please. Let’s just eat.” He stares at me, as if searching for something in my expression, or in my eyes, before nodding silently.

As we walk to the others, he wraps his arm securely around me.

* * *

The rest of the day is, thankfully, uneventful. After we eat and talk for a bit, we get on some of the more mellow rides. I sat next to Leo on the ferris wheel, and when we were stopped up at the top, he kissed me.

I rode the swinging ship with TJ, admittedly sort of proud that he actually seemed to enjoy it rather than panic again.

Flynn and Carl rode the slingshot together, and the feed of it from the ground gave us all a perfect view of the rider’s reactions; I think it’s the first time I’d ever seen Flynn scared at an amusement park.

Even though he hadn’t eaten anything for at least an hour beforehand, Carl  _ did _ barf the moment he was able to find a trash can after that ride.

We mostly just walked around or sat and talked from there, and by about 6 we all agreed we were tired enough to head back to Echo.

I slept on the way back, and though I noticed worried glances at me when I woke up, I thankfully had no dreams.

As soon as I get out of the van, I look over at the sunset, admiring it. Add that to the list of the few things about Echo that are beautiful. I tell everyone else to go on ahead into the motel room, and as they do I take my new camera out of the glovebox, heading out towards the road and then past it, just to make sure the poorly-maintained road doesn’t ruin a good shot.

Pueblo is a lot cooler at this time of day than Echo, so it’s much more uncomfortable to be standing outside even though it’s the evening. I think back to all of the Summers here when we grew up; I’ve never been able to stand the heat, and my fur, despite its thickness, is pretty short. TJ’s, on the other hand...it’s a miracle the lynx never had a heat stroke.

I raise the viewfinder up to my eye, slowly sweeping across the desert for the best view...and I see the rest of Echo in the distance. I pause, staring at the pitiful, run-down buildings with faint disappointment. Not even this beautiful lighting can make the town look less...broken. Dilapidated.

“This place is a dump…” I mutter, frowning and lowering my camera.

“I’ll say.” I turn around, a little startled, as Leo and Jenna walk towards me, the two of them joining me in staring at Echo. “I’ll never understand how you guys can stand it here every day.” I elect not to respond, which turns out to be the right call when Leo speaks up, changing the subject entirely.

“Get a good picture yet?” I grimace a bit and shake my head.

“Turns out this place looks pretty crappy no matter what kind of lighting hits it.” Jenna snorts, smirking a little bit as she gazes out at the rest of the town with clear contempt. I just sigh and turn the camera off. “Well, there’ll be plenty of sunsets to photograph this week.” Leo holds his paw up as I begin to turn towards the motel.

“Let’s stay here for a bit. Flynn and Carl are getting a little loud in there.” He grins. “Besides, it gives the three of us a chance to talk!” He wraps his thick arms around both of us, squeezing us to his sides. “The OG crew, back together again!” Despite everything that’s happened to me today, I can feel myself relaxing against him, leaning my head onto the side of his chest, something that his now-wagging tail tells me he likes. I can’t see Jenna now, but I can hear it in her voice that she’s smiling again. Leo’s always been the type to be infectious when he’s happy or excited.

“Together again.” She sighs then, sounding a little more subdued when she next speaks. “The only thing I missed about this place.”

It’s always been an in-joke with the three of us. We were the original three in our group of friends. Jenna was my best friend when I was little, and then we added Leo when he moved in (despite him not knowing a word of English at the time). A few years after that, we added TJ, then Carl, then Flynn and Sydney. It had mostly been Leo to bring the seven of us together. He could never understand why the kids in Echo never really interacted. Jenna always theorized that it had something to do with that ‘pack mentality’ of being a wolf.

“Chase?” I look up at Leo, smiling apologetically. Leo’s smile wavers a bit, but he repeats himself. “Remember when we used to have sleepovers at your place?” I grin at him.

“Yeah. I thought you guys were only friends with me for my video games.” Thinking back on that now, the weird...competitive streak between Leo and Jenna runs about that far back, and it was also my first taste of just how terrifying Leo can be when he’s angry. He broke one of my controllers once after Jenna got especially smug about winning. I still remember how upset he was immediately after he did it, trying to apologize in English a few times before going back to Spanish as he got more and more emotional over it. I don’t remember if I was angry at him or not at the time.

“You’ll always be that sassy little brat to me,” Leo tells Jenna (ugh, I spaced out again), and then he looks over at me with a smirk that shows his canines. “You too, otter.” I can’t help but laugh, and then I look around Leo’s chest to talk to Jenna.

“Are you doing okay over there?” I ask her. She raises an eyebrow.

“At Pueblo? Yeah, I’m fine. I just have to study this week too. My classes are pretty advanced and I don’t want to fall behind.”

“The smartest of us all as always.” Leo laughs. “Well, we’re proud of you, Jenna.”

“Thank you, Leo.” Then she looks at both of us. “And what about you two?” Crap. “You two  _ are _ still planning to go at some point, right?” I can almost hear us screaming at each other that night. “Come on, Leo, you even told me you’d like to go to Mesa!”  _ That _ snaps me right out of my thoughts.

“He is?” Her smile quickly disappears into a look of surprise, and then I look up at Leo, who now seems nervous. “You didn’t tell me that.”

“I decided not to go anyway, so I didn’t think it mattered.” I don’t know what to say. Mesa’s the community college in Payton. It’s not that far. And since I’m working for his family too, we’d probably be able to stay afloat if he enrolled...but as I’m about to voice this, he keeps talking. “Besides, my parents didn’t really go for it.”

“You mean your dad.” Jenna replies. Leo doesn’t respond. “Come on, Leo, you could’ve had a master’s degree by now. Why doesn’t your dad just hire more people to work for him?” Leo sighs, and I know I can’t be imagining how rehearsed he sounds.

“It’s about committing to the family business, not the help he needs.” I slide my paw up to rest on his back, between his shoulder blades, to try to make him feel a bit better. Jenna, however, just rolls her eyes and lets out a breath, clearly a little frustrated.

“You need to start thinking for  _ yourself, _ Leo. If I hadn’t done that, I’d still be stuck in that crank house.” She gestures vaguely towards Echo, but I still remember Jasmynn Street like I was there earlier today...even though I haven’t been there since Jenna ran away. All I really know about what’s left of her family is that they’re (probably) still alive. I haven’t seen Jenna’s mom  _ or _ her brother in a long, long time...not that I’d ever want to. I almost ask if she’s going to visit them, but I think I already know the answer, so I stay silent.

Leo’s grip on both of us is suddenly a bit tighter, but Jenna either doesn’t notice (unlikely) or doesn’t care that she’s making him uncomfortable (almost definitely), because she keeps going.

“And you can start with our otter, here.” I look over at her, confused.

“Wait, what?” I ask. Leo’s ears flatten against his head.

“Jenna…” He mutters.

“I’m serious!” She puts her paw up to his snout, cutting him off. “In case you forgot, he’s still your  _ boyfriend _ . I let you talk to me about this  _ only _ because I thought it would be more dire than you two just having the same problem you’ve always had.” She glares at both of us, almost accusingly. “Actually  _ talking _ to each other. I’m not going to listen to you worry about when or how you should do it. Just rip off the band-aid. Chase?” She looks at me again, and Leo bristles.

“Jenna.” He drops his arms from our shoulders, his ears now pulled back rather than flattened.

This is making me nervous...but at the same time, Jenna made it clear what this is about...and a big part of me is hoping this might be the day we can finally do it. Finally  _ talk _ .

“Leo has something he wants to talk to you about, and until he does, I’m locking you both out of the motel room. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in there making sure Carl didn’t sneak a joint into the bathroom.” She turns and walks away, ignoring Leo as he calls out to her again, her bushy tail curled up, letting us know that she’s pretty happy with forcing us to talk. I guess I can appreciate the effort?

But, just as I expected, neither of us says anything. I look away, folding my arms over my chest awkwardly. Leo scuffs the ground with his foot, then sniffs as dust and dirt puff into the air.

“Leo…” I begin, but then he interrupts me.

“I’m sorry,  _ chula.”  _ He cuts me off, frowning. I finally look up into his amber eyes, surprised.

“Huh?”

“For talking to Jenna about this instead of you. She’s right. You’re my boyfriend, and I love you, but it…” He sighs, his eyes shifting to the ground. “I don’t understand how we can’t just…” I know what he means, so I nod, looking down as well.

“I know. I don’t, either.” But it’s Hell. How am I unable to even speak to him whenever I have something important to say? I remember him saying something about trying to forget all about our problems when we’re together. ‘Let’s fucking be happy’, he’d said. I think we might’ve taken that too seriously. We forgot about our friends, about their problems...and forgot how to talk to each other about anything. I can’t remember how to talk to my own boyfriend. And before that, one of my best friends. The guy who always looked out for all of us. “We have to fix that.”

“How?” He asks, and a knife twists in my gut at how... _ hopeless _ he sounds, like he’s exhausted every possible idea and doesn’t know what to do.

“I don’t know,” I admit, looking up at him again. My eyes just barely reach his shoulders, and the muscle he’s built up over the years pulls his shirt tight against his chest and arms. He’s the strongest guy I know...but right now, I’ve never seen him so vulnerable. So afraid. I step forward and hug him tightly, rubbing my nose into his chest as he gives me a bearhug in return, nearly lifting me off the ground. “I love you, Leo…” That much I know to be true. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I don’t anymore, if that’s what’s wrong, but right now I realize that even during our most starry-eyed moments, the problem was always there.

“I love you too, Chase...fuck.” He squeezes me just a bit tighter. “I love you so much…” We stay like that for a little while, and just for a moment, I let myself believe we’re already doing better…

“I…” I sigh, slowly letting go of him, and he sets me down, taking a step back. “I think I should stay here for the night…” Leo’s ears, which had begun to return to their usual upright position, immediately flatten again as his eyes widen.

“...what?” He asks quietly.

“I just...we have a lot to talk about, but I’d rather find a better time to do it, you know? When it’s not all of us together...but I need to think about some things, and when I’m with you, I...I just can’t.” I speak a bit slowly, trying to articulate it in a way that doesn’t make this out to be his fault. “It’s just for one night…” Leo looks at the motel, then back at me. Just for a moment, he looks...annoyed. But then his expression clears, and he sighs, bringing his paw up to cover his face. Haven’t seen that gesture in a while, and as if by instinct I look down, my shoulders slumped. Leo slowly reaches down, cupping my chin and lifting my head to look up at him, and with a smile, he kisses me.

“Fine, but only if you promise we’ll actually talk at some point.” I nod immediately. “Good.” He takes another look at the motel, and when he speaks again, his voice is a little lowered. “Listen...since we all had fun today, I think my plan for tomorrow might work…”

“Plan?”

“We’re going to Yeeyah River tomorrow.” I frown and step back, a cold feeling settling in my chest as I look over at the motel too.

“Does anyone else know? We should probably give Flynn a heads-up, at least…”

“I’ll talk to him about it before we leave,” Leo waves me off, and I can already tell he’s made up his mind. No amount of talking will convince him that this might not be a good idea. “The only way we move on is to face it...but not all at once. We ease into it, yeah? Just try to have fun like we did today. Like old times.”

“Leo, we haven’t hung out at that lake since Sidney…” I reply softly, as if any of the others could possibly hear me. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” I guess I can give myself points for trying, but as expected, Leo isn’t budging.

_ Or maybe you just give up too easily. _

“I know it is, otter.” He smiles and kisses me again. “Just trust me, okay?” I still don’t think this is a good idea, but...I guess it can’t do that much harm, can it?

“...okay.”

* * *

TJ and Jenna are surprisingly enthusiastic about me spending the night, and TJ willingly offers to share his (thankfully large) bed. We all just hung out and talked together for a bit longer, and the sun has disappeared from the horizon when Flynn, Carl, and Leo decide to head out.

After we say our goodbyes, I look out the window as inconspicuously as I can, watching Leo talk to Flynn. The lizard is pretty clearly unhappy...but whatever Leo says to him next seems to calm him enough that he calms down. As soon as he turns around, Leo gives me a thumbs up and a grin, and I let the curtains fall, my face flushed with embarrassment at being caught so easily.

“So did you guys make any progress?” Jenna asks me as she types away at her laptop. I sit down on TJ’s side of the bed (he’s in the shower at the moment, which usually takes him nearly an hour as I recall) and smile at her.

“Yeah, I think we did. We…” I trail off then, thinking about my talk with Leo...and I realize what happened. The smile disappears from my face, which I lower into my paw with a groan. “Fuck...no. All we did was actually admit we have a communication issue. That’s literally it.” I look up at her when she doesn’t respond, the clicking of the keyboards ceasing. She’s staring at me with a thoughtful expression.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Chase. The first step to fixing a problem is admitting that the problem exists. Nothing is resolved with one talk. I mean, I think the three of us know that better than anyone else in our group.” She makes a good point. TJ and I regularly went to therapy for several years after Sydney’s death, and Jenna’s passion for psychology had taken root shortly afterwards as well. I think TJ’s parents eventually pulled him out of it because he was starting to do better, while I more or less quit, despite my parents’ concerns. I hit a point where I no longer believed it was working. Jenna said I just wasn’t being patient enough, using the same phrase she did just now, but I refused to budge, and eventually I stopped taking my medications too.

Because they stopped helping.

“I guess so.” I sigh and lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

“And honestly, getting some space will probably be good for both of you to reflect on what’s wrong and how to fix it. It would be too easy to fall right back into the usual routine and forget all about wanting to talk about what’s wrong.” My eyes are starting to close as I relax into the mattress, realizing the day took more out of me than I thought. I can just shower in the morning, or something…

A single thought fills my mind, just before I fall asleep.

_ It’s all your fault. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't especially long, sorry. A lot of personal drama has happened the past couple of days that's really taken an emotional toll. But I'm trying to move past it, and I hope you all enjoyed the new chapter :)


	8. Boil Over (Monday Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chase struggles to help, but can't even find happiness in his favorite activity...and Flynn can't take not knowing the truth anymore.

I jolt up from my seat as a loud thump comes from near me, and I look over to see Flynn looking down with his fists clenched, the cooler having landed hard on the ground...but thankfully didn’t tip over. I stand up and walk over to him, picking it back up.

“I’ve got it, Flynn. Where do you want it?” He glares at me with red-rimmed, bleary eyes...and then he sighs and gestures vaguely near where he set down the remaining seats, where everyone else was staring at us. I send them a quick smile, so they go back to their conversations...well, Jenna and Leo do. Carl is being pretty quiet and TJ’s standing near the bank of the river, skipping rocks across the water’s glittering surface. I set down the cooler, and it must be relatively close to where he wants it, because Flynn is headed back to Leo’s van to unpack more stuff.

I’m worried about him. We were supposed to get here at the river to hang out in the morning; Flynn held it up by several hours, and when he finally showed up at the motel, his eyes were red and he seemed like he was having trouble focusing, but waved us off when we asked what was wrong.

“Flynn?” I touch his back, then yank my paw away when he quickly whirls on me, glaring. After a moment, he calms down.

“What is it, Chase?” He asks, his voice low and, whether he’ll admit it or not, exhausted. He was probably up all night. I can’t shake the feeling that he’s less thrilled about this than Leo led us to believe.

“Sit down. I’ll get the rest.” I offer, frowning a little bit. “Just try to relax, okay?” He shakes his head, rubbing his eyes.

“Nah, I’m fine. Just go swim or somethin’.” I cross my arms and stare him down. He seems to find this amusing and crosses his arms too, smirking. “Is, uh...is that supposed to intimidate me? ‘Cause it’s not working.”

“I got you to smile, didn’t I?” I grin at him, and his eyes widen with surprise...and then he’s back to the usual sour expression.

“Fuck you, muskshit. Get in the fuckin’ water.” He sounds...a bit more rude than usual, but I can hear that familiar fondness in his voice, so I decide to stop pushing for now. “Still like diet soda?” Relief floods through me. Good. He might be in a better mood now.

“Yeah. I’ll be right back, okay? I want to, uh...take some pictures before I swim.” I don’t mention the location said pictures will be taken at.

* * *

By the time I make it to the lake, all I can think about is how fucked I’ll be if I trip over something and drop the camera. God knows how much this thing cost…

I can’t help but roll my eyes as I look at the newly paved ground near the parking lot, as well as the new benches and grills. They’re really making a last ditch effort to make money off of this town, huh? I find a relatively high hill and climb it to get the pictures, grunting in annoyance as a few jetboats sail by, and I have to wait for them to get out of the shot.

As beautiful as it looks (kind of, the water’s pretty murky as always), this place still gives me the creeps...and I’m trying really hard not to think about why. I keep having to double take whenever I see another person. Just to make sure I’m not having another ‘moment’.

I only take a handful of pictures before I decide to head back.

It’s been eerily quiet since I left the group, so I’m relieved when I hear their voices...but then I sigh, because as I get closer, it sounds like they’re fighting.

“-been acting like a dick all day,” Leo says, sounding annoyed. As expected, once they come into view, he has his arms crossed, and his ears are starting to pull back. Flynn, however, doesn’t look intimidated.

“Be glad that I came here at all.”

“Apparently it would’ve been better if you hadn’t,” Jenna remarks, glaring up at the gila as well.

“Maybe I should just fuckin’ leave then?”

This isn’t just bickering. This is looking more and more like a real fight. I quicken my pace and interrupt before they can continue, noticing that TJ’s still just throwing rocks, probably trying to tune them out.

“Hey, is everything alright?” I ask. Flynn turns away from Jenna and Leo, opening the cooler and rummaging through it. Leo sighs and looks over at me with a forced smile.

“Everything’s fine. Did you get some good pictures?” I shrug, my excitement over the new camera having definitely been dampened by whatever’s going on here.

“I guess…” I start to idly fiddle with the camera, not sure what to do with myself. Finally, I walk to the van and put my camera in the backseat, then shut the door and come back. Flynn’s waiting, holding out a diet soda to me. “Uh...thanks…” I mutter, taking it nervously.

“Thanks for the help.” Flynn nods his head towards Carl. “At least you’re more useful than fatass over there.” I look down at the soda can as Flynn pulls a beer from the cooler and cracks it open, letting the lid of the cooler slam shut on its own. For some reason, that makes me wince, which he catches. “...you, uh, gonna go for that swim?” I look up at him, having forgotten all about that...but then I nod. I  _ really _ don’t like being in the middle of this. It’s awkward as Hell.

“Uh...do you need any-”

“I’m fine, Chase, just go.”

“Don’t tell him what to do,” Leo says, his whole body tensed up as he glares at Flynn, who immediately returns the look.

“He told me he wanted to fuckin’ swim when we got here, Leo. Jesus fucking Christ.”

Okay, yeah, definitely going for that swim.

I pull off my shirt and pass by TJ, briefly rubbing his back as I go before I slip into the water, deciding to dive under immediately.

I go as deep as I can and roll into my back, trying to relax as I stare up at the surface of the water, glimmering from the sunlight.

_ Not going as well as you thought, huh? Honestly, what did you expect? Flowers and rainbows? _

No. I was just hoping we’d be able to not fight. Keep things civil, at least at first. If Flynn wasn’t being so cranky…

_ You knew he wouldn’t be happy about this. You’re not happy to be here either. Not after what happened the other day. But you just can’t say no to Leo, can you? He snaps his fingers and you jump. _

Shut up.

_ What’s wrong? Upset that you can’t even tell  _ yourself  _ what you want to hear? _

I usually do this to relax. To isolate myself. To calm down and gather my thoughts. Right now, even that’s getting ruined.

* * *

I come up far sooner than my breath usually allows and climb out onto the bank of the river, pulling my shirt back on without really caring about my wet fur soaking through the fabric.

Everyone’s sitting down in their chairs, and Leo hands me a plate of food as I sit down in the one next to him.

“How was the swim?” Flynn asks, already on his second bottle. He sounds even grumpier than he had earlier.

“It was…” God, what will they think if I make it sound like not even  _ swimming _ made me feel better? I force myself to make the most cheerful grin I possibly can...which I’m sure looks over the top. “It was great! I’ll have to come here for another one before the week’s over.” Flynn grunts in response, and then looks a little annoyed as Leo drapes his arm around my shoulders.

“It always scares me when you’re under for so long…” He mutters. I smile at him and shrug.

“I’m built for it, Leo.” Leo still doesn’t look less worried, but then TJ speaks up with a smile.

“Remember when you’d give us rides?” He asks. “That was really fun.” Carl grins at him.

“Really? I remember you screaming and crying if Chase went too far out.” TJ looks a little defensive, but he’s still smiling, so I’m hoping he’s taking the teasing in stride now.

“Hey, I’ve never liked water, and Chase would take me really far out on purpose.”

“Yeah, I remember that…” I grin, trying to ignore the guilt eating at me for that. Carl looks at me, and I’m sure he notices that I’m feeling bad, because he quickly moves on.

“You know what was really cool? When you’d take us down for a dive.”

“Yeah!” Jenna grins at me. “You were like our own little submarine.”

Ah, yes. What mention of the fact that I swim would be complete without the ‘otters are swimming clowns’ vibe going on?

“We’d ask you to take us to the bottom so we could look for ‘treasure’.” Leo joins in, smiling and making air quotes around the last word. I can’t help but grin back at them. This feels good. We’re finally able to talk about back then, even if it isn’t about...what happened.

“We might’ve actually  _ found _ a treasure if you guys weren’t always dragging me down. I remember one time-”

“Are we really fucking talking about this?” We all go quiet and stare at Flynn. His voice is low, and he’s glaring at all of us.

None of us say anything. We all know what he means, and honestly, I can’t say I wasn’t expecting this.

_ You can’t fix what’s broken and left to decay. There’s not enough left to pick back up. _

“Flynn,” Leo says, the threat clear in his voice. He knows where this is headed. We all do. Flynn shakes his head, adamant that nobody interrupt or stop him now that he’s started.

“No, I’m serious. You really think it’s fucking okay to talk about this when the lake is a  _ quarter mile _ that way?” Jenna, as always, is clearly not having it and crosses her arms over her chest.

“You know what, Flynn? I think we should. Isn’t that part of the reason why we’re here?”

“Apparently fucking not, because if we were here to talk about what happened then we’d be  _ there, _ but we’re not! We’re right fucking here instead! Why is that?!” His voice is raising, and all I can do is stare at him like an idiot, and then I look around and see that everyone else is too...except for TJ. He’s just staring down at his lap, shrinking into the chair like he wants to become invisible.

“Flynn, we came here because of what happened to Chase,” Leo says, clearly trying his best to stay calm...but then he winces as Jenna and TJ pick up on that and stare at him...and then at me. But before they can ask, Flynn notices their confusion and lets out a laugh. It’s bitter, without an ounce of humor in it.

“Oh really? Is that why they don’t even know about it?” He turns on me, his expression darkening, and I look away from him. “Why you decided to just stroll on over to  _ take pictures _ like nothing happened?!”

“I just…” I hate how quiet my voice sounds. How weak.  _ Fucking worthless. _ “I wanted to…” Suddenly, wanting to take lots of pictures with the camera sounds like the dumbest fucking thing in the world. I don’t even try to continue. I can’t look up at Flynn. He’s silent for a moment, but I don’t dare to see if his expression has changed.

“This was such a fuckin’ stupid idea.” Yeah. It was. It would’ve been hard enough without what happened a few days ago, and here we are trying to act like nothing’s wrong. I shouldn’t have dragged TJ and Jenna back into this. They finally had moved on to better things than this place...and no doubt better people than us. My eyes sting.

“Flynn, if you’d just be more open and tell us what’s on your mind instead of stewing in it until you explode, we’d be able to avoid a lot of this kind of stuff.” Jenna has that tone in her voice. Like a stern mother who’s trying  _ very _ hard to maintain a calm disposition. When Flynn speaks again, it’s with nothing but venom in his voice, like at this moment, he hates us. I can’t really blame him.

“Oh, you wanna know what’s on my mind?” I can finally look up at him, but only because I hear him march up to Carl. Suddenly, I find my voice.

“Flynn, leave him alone…” Still quiet. Still weak.

“Alright, let’s start with you. Fat, lazy, no motivation,  _ no future. _ ” Carl has more nerve than I do. He’s looking right up into Flynn’s eyes with a blank expression, like he couldn’t possibly care less what the lizard has to say...but he’s even more slouched over than usual as Flynn continues his rant. “What the Hell are you planning on doing with your life anyway? Waste away in this shit town, mooching off your parents until you fucking die?”

“Flynn, don’t do this right now,” Jenna says, her tone noticeably less harsh. Flynn immediately turns to her.

“Flynn…” I sound like a little fucking kid.  _ Pathetic. _

“And  _ you, _ thinkin’ you’re better than everyone else, You think everyone in this town is trash. Just because we haven’t left, we’re  _ lower _ than you. Because we’re not educated, we’re a bunch of fucking retards. Says the one that left her  _ whole fucking family _ behind without so much as saying goodbye. You have any idea what’s goin’ on with them? The shit they’re dealing with? Real fucking hero you are.”

“That’s not fair.” I put all the strength I can into my voice, and I know he hears me by now, but he ignores me, like until he decides it’s my turn, I don’t exist.  _ It’d be better if you didn’t. _

“Stop it, Flynn.” Leo’s voice has lowered as well by now into a low growl that, when I was a kid and barely knew him, scared the Hell out of me.

“Ah, our unquestionable leader.” Flynn’s voice drips with sarcasm.

“Flynn, stop.” I try again.

“We wouldn’t have been friends without you, right? That’s why you brought us here, isn’t it? For old times’ sake? Or, wait…” I know what he’s about to say.

“Flynn, please…”

“Was it because you finally had to to stop pretending everything's fucking rosy?! It took your boyfriend coming home  _ half-conscious _ and soaking fucking wet for you to even  _ entertain _ the idea that he’s anything less than your happy little otter! That the perfect little life you shoved him into wasn’t so fucking perfect after all! Well, let me be the one to tell you…”

“ _ Please…” _

“ _ He’s fucking miserable. _ And why shouldn’t he be?  _ Everything _ has to be your way, fuck what Chase wants! All you do, all you’ve  _ ever done, _ is manipulate him and take advantage of him to get him to do what you want!” Leo’s ears have flattened, and his eyes are on the ground. He doesn’t say anything. Finally, Flynn turns on me, and it takes every ounce of willpower that I have to meet his gaze. “Not that it’s a very hard thing to do, is it? Chase, you know what made me like you growing up? You always had something to say. Some smartass comment or remark to let people know what you thought. You wanted to do something, you did it. Screw what anyone else tried to make you do instead.”

He  _ liked _ that about me? I was the fucking  _ worst _ when I acted that way…

_ As if you’re not the worst now. _

“But the  _ second _ you and him got together, you clammed the fuck up. Put your  _ whole life on hold _ the second he asked you to. Now look at you.  _ Getting a camera _ was all it took to get you acting like the happiest fucking guy on Earth. Do you have  _ any _ idea how fucking sad that looks? Grow your fucking spine back!” The last thing he says hurts the most...because he sounds like I disgust him. “I wish you could see yourself.”

He stops. Finally, he stops to take a breath. And I find the nerve to respond.

“And to think I forgot why I don’t talk to you anymore.” I still don’t look up at him, because I’m sure if I do, I’ll have a breakdown. I feel as disgusted with myself as Flynn sounded. “You...you’re such an  _ asshole. _ ” It’s all I can say at this point. Flynn doesn’t say anything else to me. He’s turning to look at TJ.

Oh no…

I was hoping TJ would have snuck away by now, avoided this episode entirely, but he looks...apathetic. Like he’s a statue. Like he no longer has a soul. Flynn looks like he’s at a loss for words.

“What happened, TJ?” He finally asks. A cold chill creeps up my back. Leo stands up immediately, his posture making it clear he’s ready for a fight as he clutches TJ’s shoulder tightly, protectively.

“Flynn,” He warns.

I had almost forgotten about this, but suddenly, memories are flooding back to me, of Flynn wanting someone to blame, wanting it to be someone’s fault. Thinking that TJ had done something…

I stand up as well. I’m more than sure Leo can beat Flynn in a fight if it comes to it, but thankfully, he doesn’t seem to want that. He looks at Leo, then at all of us, and he seems to shrink, like he’s just...tired. Tired and miserable.

“I just want the truth…” He’s quiet now, but none of us has moved. We all hear him. “Can we just stop this today? Right now? That’s all I want. I don’t...this has been such a  _ nightmare _ for me...not really knowing...TJ…” TJ stares up at Flynn grimly, entirely nonplussed by the lizard’s suddenly pleading question. “What happened to Sydney?”

It’s like a switch is flicked, and I move forward without thinking about it.

“Flynn, get away from him.” Flynn holds his paw up at me, not even looking in my direction. My stomach feels hot, and I feel it rising up into my chest and face. “Fuck you, Flynn, just stop! He didn’t do anything!” TJ finally speaks.

“I already told you what happened.” Flynn’s expression immediately hardens into rage.

“Bullshit!” He moves forward, and I call to Leo, but the wolf is already moving, grabbing the back of Flynn’s shirt and swinging him around. I barely move out of the way in time as Flynn flies by me and hits the ground on his ass. Leo quickly steps forward, blocking the way to both TJ and me.

“Flynn, I swear to God, if you start a fight here,” his voice is raising with each word, and his lips pull back into a snarl, _“I’ll_ _drop your stupid ass!”_

Everyone else is standing now, all of us staring at Flynn as he stands up, glaring hatefully at Leo, clearly trying to weigh his chances...and then he spits to the side, brushing off his pants as he turns away from us.

“You’re all really okay with not knowing? Fuck all of you.” He looks back at us, hands shoved in his pockets. “This was stupid, Leo. We’re not even friends anymore.” Flynn turns away again and walks towards the trail back to Echo.

“Goddamn it, Flynn!” Leo yells.

“Fuck off…” Flynn keeps walking, and it’s pretty clear by now that he isn’t coming back.

I try to take in deep breaths as I rub my eyes with my paw. I can’t remember if he was ever that mean to us before, but I’m pretty certain that he wasn’t. It was typical of him to bottle up his anger and then unload insults at us. Usually he just broods over it afterwards and comes back to apologize days later...but despite everything, I really don’t want him to...not be here with us.

“TJ, are you okay?” I ask, but when I turn to look at him, he isn’t there. I look around to see what the others are doing.

Carl is sitting down again, but all he does is pull out a joint from his hoodie pocket.

Leo’s walking down another trail, cursing and growling under his breath while Jenna follows, trying to cool him down.

I stand there, feeling useless as I wonder what the Hell to do next…and the same thought lingers in the back of my mind.

_ All your fault...all your fault...all your fucking fault... _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What better spot to leave off than the dreaded "route choice" part of the story? I feel so evil right now lol
> 
> But I'll go ahead and let you guys know that this story has no "routes", or branching paths, and that it will be a sort of amalgamation of certain elements from each of the routes with, obviously, changes to fit both the AU and my plans for the story and the characters.
> 
> Chapter 9 will deal with the aftermath of the fight and Chase attempting to pick up the pieces.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! :D


	9. Picking Up The Pieces (Monday Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of Flynn's verbal thrashing, Chase does his best to keep everyone together, but realizes things really won't be as simple as he would have hoped.

Finding TJ isn’t that hard. With the directions everyone else went, the only other place he could have gone is past a few bushes to another part of the river.

Sure enough, that’s where he is, sitting down silently and staring out at the water.

“Hey, Teej…” He looks back at me, but doesn’t say anything, just offers a weak smile that soon fades as he looks away again. I sit down beside him, and even though I want to make him feel better...I have no idea what to say. Of all of us, it’s Flynn and me that he’s had the most trouble talking to about it. In my case, because I was the one that found them...and the one that pulled Sydney’s body to shore. “That wasn’t fair of him to say. I know Flynn can be a real dick sometimes, but he’ll be sorry about it before long. He always is.” He doesn’t say anything. “None of us think it’s your fault.”

“I just...can’t believe he did that in front of everyone…” His voice is thick, probably from crying, but I pretend not to notice. This time, I’m the one that stays silent. Really, what can I say? “I mean, what the f-” I stare at him, my eyes widened. “...what the heck?” Dear God. Was TJ about to swear? He wipes his face and begins to fix his now unkempt fur with a shaky sigh. “...did you know what he was talking about?” I look away for a moment, trying to pick my words carefully.

“I think so, yeah.” He doesn’t respond, but his ears lower. “Look, Teej, no one actually thinks you did anything. We were all little kids. I mean, weren’t you six at the time?” I sigh and shake my head, battling that old mixed bag of feelings between feeling pissed at Flynn and feeling bad for him. “I...I really believed this would work. In hindsight it was stupid of me, but…” I rub my face. “Really, I think it’s just because he was close to Sydney before they joined our group, so he’s just looking for more than what he’s been told.” I look over at TJ again, but his gaze is settled on the water again. “And you were the only one there, so you’re his only ‘lead’ to go after.” Now TJ looks at me, with an...odd expression that I can’t identify. But then he looks away, his voice beginning to rise with anger even as tears begin to pour from his eyes.

“I watched Sydney drown...and Flynn thinks he’s the only one that’s still hurting over it?” TJ glares down at the ground, his claws unsheathing and digging into the sand. “Well, maybe I haven’t told him everything because I don’t want him to have that image in his head.” I frown, wanting to give TJ a hug but also wondering if it would be awkward, or if it would even help. “I just wish I could go back to that day…”

“Me too,” I admit, and he looks a little surprised as he looks at me. “I mean...I had a feeling, you know? When you guys split off from the rest of us, and went out of sight, I...Leo and I had a feeling we needed to check on you both, but I…” My voice catches. “...I ignored it. I thought everything would be fine. So I waited, forgot about it, had fun with the others...and then you  _ still _ didn’t come back, and I...then we found you both.” I look at TJ again, my eyes meeting his. “But we were kids, TJ. There was nothing you, or any of us for that matter, could’ve done.”

“...you could have. You’ve always been the best swimmer.”

“Yeah, well…” I really don’t know what to say to that. Thankfully, he continues.

“Besides, I know that I couldn’t have helped him on my own. That’s not what bothers me.” He keeps looking at me though, and doesn’t say anything else. I frown, wondering if he’s dissociating a bit. I’ll have to ask Jenna later. I look ahead, suddenly really wanting to change the subject. It would probably help, right?

“Remember when we used to call it Seesaw River?”

“Yeah…” He doesn’t say anything else. I sigh and let the silence settle over us.

This is one reason I can actually sympathize with Flynn, even though he’s going about this in entirely the wrong way...although I’m not sure myself if a ‘right way’ even exists. There clearly is more to the story than what TJ’s always told us, but...I’m afraid to ask him. Really cowardly of me, but it’s the truth. I really am afraid of what the whole truth might be. It has to have been horrible enough to watch your friend drown, but if there’s somehow  _ more _ to it, to the point that TJ considers it to be  _ worse... _ then I think I’d rather not know. Still, I close my eyes, trying to recall as much of that day as I can...

* * *

_ TJ sits in a daze, curled up into a ball. _

_ Jenna runs back towards town to get help. _

_ Flynn pulls me into the water, startling me into action. _

_ I grab onto neck scruff and pull back to shore. _

_ Carl sits on a rock, bawling his eyes out. _

_ Leo starts trying to do compressions. _

_ Sydney...Sydney just stares. _

_ There are sirens. A helicopter rotors overhead, ready to airlift. Adults are everywhere, crowded around all of us. _

_ At home, Mom holds me on her lap. Dad puts on my favorite movie, and I’m watching, but I can’t pay attention to it for long. I keep muttering to them that he’s dead, they keep trying to reassure me that he might be okay. But I saw his eyes. I know the truth. _

_ Sydney just stares. _

* * *

My eyes are wet when I come back to myself, and I wipe them with the back of my paw. My chest hurts...my head hurts...and I realize I haven’t actually thought about this in a long time. Not when it wasn’t a dream or...or a hallucination anyway.

Lucky for me, TJ’s sitting back with his eyes closed as well...and I wonder what he’s thinking about.

“He’s ruined the whole trip.” TJ still sounds angry, but resigned as well. Like he’s stating a simple, irrefutable fact.

“No he hasn’t.” TJ looks over at me, and it’s like I’m seeing him clearly for the first time. He’s slightly slouched over, his eyes tired, and he just looks so...sad. Broken. My resolve only grows. “We’ll figure this out. I’ll get Flynn to apologize, and we’ll try to move on from what happened...today, I mean.” I force myself to smile at him, and for the first time it’s actually pretty easy. “And how about tomorrow we can go on that hike? You, me, Jenna, and Leo.” TJ’s mouth begins to quirk up into a smile.

“You...actually want to hike with me?” Thank God. This is helping him.

“I’m positive I’ll regret saying so, but yeah. I’ve missed you guys a lot, and possible heat stroke and smelling awful’s a small price to pay for getting to hang out with you again.” I mean every word of it...including the regret part. It  _ is _ worth it, though. We came here to catch up and have fun just as much as we did to try to find closure. I stand up, and after a moment, so does he. “Let’s find Jenna and Leo, then I’ll chase Flynn down and talk to him, okay?” TJ finally smiles at me, and I’m relieved that it seems to be genuine.

“Yeah...okay.” Feeling like it might be less awkward now, I give him a quick hug before we head back to find the others.

He returns it.

* * *

“I can’t believe you actually want to talk to him,” Jenna remarks from the backseat, her arms crossed. “After what he said, he definitely doesn’t deserve for one of us to act concerned.”

“It’s not an act,” I reply simply, my eyes pointed out the window, watching for any sign of Flynn as the desert rolls by. “I want to talk to him about it, see if I can just get him to calm down and apologize. No matter how much of a jerk he can be, he’s still our friend.”

“He’s a damn idiot is what he is,” Leo remarks, his voice barely above a growl before he looks into the rearview mirror at TJ. “Sorry, Teej.”

“It’s fine…” TJ mutters, looking out the window as well. He and Carl haven’t really spoken much during the drive, but in Carl’s case it’s probably because he’s high.

“Look, I’m mad at him too,” I say. “A little, anyway. Giving him the silent treatment is just going to drag the problem out, and I’d rather not go half the week without seeing or hearing from Flynn when the whole point of this is for us all to be together.”

“Alright, fine.” Leo sighs, and I get the feeling he’d be rubbing his face with his paw if he weren’t driving. “So where could he have gone? He wasn’t at the motel, but it hasn’t been long enough for him to have made it to his house.”

“Maybe the diner,” Carl pipes up, his eyes reddened and a somewhat dopey smile on his face. “We, uh...didn’t really get to eat.”

Sure enough, when we make the turn, I can see Flynn sitting at a booth.

“There he is,” I point out. Leo nods with a grunt and stops the van, and I climb out. “Go on back to the motel, okay? I’ll meet you guys there later.” Leo looks like he’s about to argue, but then sighs and shakes his head, looking away from me.

“Fine.” I frown at him, shut the door, and walk around to his side of the van before he can put it back into drive, opening his door. “What is it, Chase?” I give him a kiss on the side of his muzzle.

“I love you. Now go on, I’ll be fine.” I smile at him, and though he still looks a little grumpy about it, he smiles back at me.

Flynn doesn’t even look up when I walk into the diner, but I’m sure he noticed me, because when I sit down across from him, he only glares.

“Fuck off, Chase.” I don’t say anything, which only seems to annoy him more...exactly what I want. “Go ahead. Tell me what a fuckin’ asshole I am. I know you want to.” I still don’t say anything. “How the fuck do you guys think  _ I _ feel? It’s always about fuckin’ TJ, you guys have always babied him since Sydney died, but any time I try to talk about it with him around, I’m the bad guy. I just want the fucking  _ truth, _ Chase. Is that so fucking wrong?”

“No.” I think he expected me to stay quiet, because that silences him, and he looks stunned. “It isn’t wrong to want to know the truth, Flynn, but you can’t do what you just did and expect anything besides what you got.” He’s starting to glare at me, but I don’t pause. “That wasn’t fair. To any of us. You went too far, and you know it. I know it’s hard...and I see that look, I’m not saying that I understand how you feel, because I’m pretty sure I don’t...but I know it has to be hard, and I know you bottle things up a lot, and I know that in some ways, a lot of what you said was true. But talking to Carl like that isn’t going to motivate him. Trying to guilt Jenna about her family when you know better than any of us how shitty they are wasn’t fair. And you know how TJ is. Yelling at him and acting as aggressively as you do isn’t going to get you anywhere.”

“Look, it’s just been a shitty day, alright?” Flynn finally says. “And you  _ know _ there’s more to it than what he’s telling us. But you guys treat him like he’s made of fuckin’ glass. That’s the biggest reason he can barely talk about it.”

“Flynn, today was a bad idea. I won’t argue that it wasn’t. But you know we called Jenna and TJ here to try and move on, and that’s still what I plan to do. But we only have one week together, and as hard as it is to believe...you’re my friend, and I don’t want this to happen at all if you’re not part of it.” I smile at him a bit. “...even if you  _ are _ an asshole, me not talking to you had more to do with me than you. Which, based on how you tore me to shreds today, you seem aware of.” He actually winces.

“...I’m sorry, okay? Like I said...it’s been a shitty day.” He looks away from me, but I nod.

“I’d rather hear you say it to the others.” He sighs, but nods back. “Thank you.” I keep my gaze on his eyes, and he eventually looks back at me. “Seriously, Flynn.”

“Alright, alright, I get it.” He sits back a bit with a sigh, relaxing slightly. There’s a pause. “Are you hungry?” I grin at him.

“Kind of, yeah.” Flynn nods and waves at Janice, who has probably been keeping an eye on us since I walked in. She has that familiar smile I’ve seen on her face too many times to count, that one where she’s  _ pretty sure _ the petty drama is over but wants to be sure before she bothers. “Tuna melt with onion rings and a water.”

“I’ll have the same,” I say, shrugging when Flynn side-eyes me, which seems to amuse Janice quite a bit.

“I gotta say, Chase, it’s odd seein’ you here without Leo. You two have been attached at the hip all your lives.” That’s a bit of an exaggeration, but I know she’s just trying to break any remaining tension, so I smile at her.

“Yeah, but I…” I briefly glance at Flynn, which causes him to raise his eyebrow ridge at me. “I felt like hanging out with a friend today.” Flynn rolls his eyes and mutters something about me saying cheesy shit while Janice nods and heads back to the kitchen after letting us know it’ll be a few minutes.

From there, we just...talk. We sort of avoid the topic of what happened at the river, instead staying on more mundane topics, like how things have been going with my parents or his aunt, and at one point he talks about how much of a nerd his roommate is for Adastra (I didn’t even know he  _ had _ a roommate). Eventually, I decided to steer the topic somewhere else.

“So do you have a boyfriend yet?” Flynn pauses for a second, staring at me, and then snorts and shakes his head.

“Not all of us are so lucky to have a hot guy just waiting to snatch us up when we come out, muskshit.” My face becomes a little warm at that remark, but I laugh anyway, because I know he’s right, and admittedly it does sound ridiculous when you put Leo asking me out so bluntly.

“Yeah, but still, you’re not here all the time, are you? You don’t ever go to Payton?”

“Can’t. At least, not often. I work at the Town Hall now.”

“Wow, seriously? What do you do?”

“I’m the clerk. Have been for three years now.” I nearly wince. I usually wouldn’t think of that statement as a dig towards me, but this is Flynn, and I’ve always had trouble figuring out what he really means when he says things like that.

“...sorry.” Flynn grimaces.

“Don’t apologize for shit that isn’t your fault, Chase.”

“But it  _ is _ my fault. I could have seen you or Carl at literally any time the past few years, and I just...didn’t. I don’t even know  _ why. _ ”

“This is what I’m talking about, by the way,” he says, his expression stern.

“Huh?”

“You’ve talked more freely with me in the past five minutes than I’ve  _ ever _ seen you talk with Leo.” He shakes his head. “Seriously, why is it so hard for you two to just...fuckin’  _ talk _ to each other?”

“I don’t know, Flynn.” I try not to raise my voice, because I don’t want to sound defensive. I’m annoyed, sure, but at myself, not at Flynn. “If I did, I probably would’ve tried to fix it by now.”

“...probably.” I wince.

“You know what I mean.” Flynn sighs and rolls his eyes, but doesn’t really look angry as Janice finally comes back with our food. We thank her and wait for her to leave before continuing the conversation. Or, really, before I change the subject. “Well, if you ever do get the chance to go to Payton or anywhere else, you shouldn’t have trouble getting a guy.” Flynn grins at me, but then quickly changes it to just a smirk when he realizes his teeth are showing. I wish he wouldn’t do that, but I decide not to say anything.

“Oh really? And what makes you think that?”

“As a bottom, let me tell you, we love tall guys.” Now  _ that _ makes him grin, and it takes him a bit longer before he tries to cover it. “Then, let’s see...you’ve got nice eyes, and a nice voice, the ‘shirt half-unbuttoned’ thing would probably be a turn-on-”

“You sure thought this through, huh?” He laughs a little. “You been sittin’ on that for a while?” My face turns hot beneath my fur, and I laugh too, but it doesn’t sound as genuine. He notices, and his eyebrow ridges raise. “Shit,  _ have you?” _ I shrug.

“I mean...I came out to you first, didn’t I? When we were younger I always kind of...I don’t know. I guess I had a crush on you? But back then I was still trying to figure things out, and then everything happened that night and I really  _ did _ like Leo, and then we got together and I never really thought about it after that.” I manage to grin. “Plus you were an adult by then and I wasn’t.”

“Yeah, good point.” He’s still smiling, but his gaze is more intense as he looks at me. “...have you  _ still _ got a thing for me? Is that why you’re bein’ so nice?”

“Flynn, I’m being nice because you’re my friend, and I missed you, and I’m sorry I stopped talking to you. I don’t know if you believe that, but it’s the truth.” I shrug. “I know that doesn’t amount to much, but…” I sigh and look down.

_ You disgust him. _

“Did you mean that?” I ask, my shoulders slumping a bit.

“Mean what?” He asks, and then I remember that he never actually said that, and that this is Flynn, so I shake my head.

“Nothing, nevermind.” He stares at me for a bit, but doesn’t pry. From there we gradually settle into more comfortable conversation topics as we eat, and when we leave, it’s in two different directions, but he looks happier now than I’ve seen him in days...and it feels good to know I was able to make him feel a little better. I just hope he can keep his promise to apologize to the others.

* * *

As I expected, Leo’s van is parked at the motel when I finally make it back there. I feel like I’m going to melt, my shirt is sticking to my soaking wet fur, and not even my deodorant has weathered the heat so I smell awful, but I’m honestly still too thrilled to care. It feels like I may have actually managed to salvage some of today. I feel better, and hopefully, Flynn is feeling a little better too. Apologizing has always been something he’s had a hard time working up the nerve to do, but he does it. In this case, the sooner he does it, the better.

I can faintly hear Leo and Jenna talking on the other side of the door, though I can’t make out the words. I reach for the doorknob and then stop as their voices raise a bit. Are they arguing?

I sigh and twist the knob, pulling the door open...and I freeze, my mouth open to speak, the words dying in my throat.

Sydney is standing in the doorway, staring at me with a huge grin. But...he’s my age, at least, so he can’t be. This must be Dale, then, but why would Dale be here? But last time I saw him, Dale was seriously overweight. This guy’s wearing a shirt that’s stretched tight over his chest and biceps. And then I notice his eyes.

His icy, blue eyes.

Staring at me.

“Long time, no see, Chase.” I can only stare at him as he speaks to me, his grin never fading...and he hasn’t blinked yet. Spots beneath his shirt begin to wriggle and shift, moving around, and I realize what they are just as the first spider crawls out of the collar of his shirt.

I can’t help it.

I scream and jump back, nearly falling onto my tail as I stumble away from the doorway.

And then Sydney’s gone. Instead, Jenna is at the door, staring at me, her eyes widened. Leo and TJ are behind her, staring at me with equal amounts of surprise...and concern.

“Stop fucking  _ staring at me!” _ I snap, suddenly angry, which only seems to worry them more, but just as Jenna begins to speak, all of the irritation fizzles out, like someone had dumped a bucket of water onto a fire. “I’m sorry. I just...um…” I look away from them, trying to think of something to make them not worry, to make this okay, to make it so that we can pretend this didn’t just happen, when Jenna is suddenly right in front of me, her gaze intense, stern...but also worried.

“Chase, are you okay?” She asks calmly, with a tone that would be almost soothing if I wasn’t sure this was the way she might talk to someone she thought was batshit crazy. For some reason, that doesn’t make me angry at all, and I just nod. Her eyes narrow, and I finally manage to speak.

“I’m fine, just...uh…” I fake a laugh that sounds entirely unconvincing even to my own ears. “You just startled me a bit.” I look behind her, towards Leo, trying to convey to him in some way that I want him to change the subject. He seems to catch this and speaks up.

“How’d the talk with Flynn go?” Jenna’s ears perk, and then she gives me a short glare, probably knowing what just happened, but she just sighs and steps back, crossing her arms.

“Yes, what big excuses did he have this time?” She asks scornfully, which I think is a bit harsh, but I know better than to try to argue with her.

“He didn’t have any ‘big excuses’,” I say, which is honestly not entirely true, but to be completely fair, when he’s not being a dick about it, he brings up valid points. “In fact, he’s agreed to apologize to everyone tomorrow.” I can almost laugh at the look on everyone’s faces; like I’d just given them earth-shattering news and they aren’t sure how to take it. TJ still hasn’t said anything, but the news seems, to him at least, to be something he likes, because he has a hesitant smile on his muzzle as Leo finds his voice first.

“Speaking of tomorrow!” Leo claps his paws together once, smiling at me. “Tomorrow we need to go shopping for birthday presents!” I think the confusion on my face must be clear, because his smile becomes a little sheepish, and he laughs. “Yeah, I know it isn’t anyone’s birthday, but Carl’s is the closest, and to be perfectly honest I was kind of strapped for things we can all do together.”

“Oh.” I look away, rubbing my arm. I really would rather not go out shopping for a birthday that’s over two months away. That just feels...cheap, somehow. “Um...how about I hang out with Carl tomorrow?” I suggest. Leo’s ears lower, so I continue quickly. “I can keep him occupied and make sure he doesn’t suspect anything.” I can tell that Leo isn’t exactly thrilled by the idea, but he sighs and nods.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll make sure to get something you can say that you bought him.” Was that supposed to be a dig? “You and I need to get home, though.” I frown and look over at the sun, which still has a couple of hours before it’ll set. “It’s Monday, otter. What do I always do on Monday?” He sounds amused now, and is speaking slowly, like he’s trying to get a toddler to understand something simple. I glare at him a bit, but I can tell he’s just teasing, and I can’t keep the scowl up for long before I end up grinning too.

“Uh…” Then it clicks. “Oh! Oh, yeah. Right.” I rub the back of my neck with an embarrassed laugh that Leo joins in on while Jenna and TJ look at us both, bemused.

“So what am I missing here?” She asks, raising an eyebrow. I shake my head.

“Nothing huge, Leo just has a few drinks with Duke and Rachel on Monday nights.” Jenna...doesn’t look any less confused.

“...with  _ Duke _ ?”

“He’s not  _ that _ bad, Jenna. Rachel keeps him in line.” He’s joking, but I’ve always gotten the feeling that Duke would be pretty lost without Rachel. Jenna looks doubtful.

“...if you say so. Next you’ll tell me you guys hang out with Clint and Heather on Jasmynn Street.” I look over at Leo. He looks back at me. Then we both look away. “Oh my God, are you  _ serious?” _

“Well, I mean...not  _ at _ Jasmynn street, and not  _ regularly, _ but we can hold conversations without them getting really hostile.” I look over at TJ and smile. “Heather’s fine, by the way.” Visible relief fills his face, and he smiles back. He always did have a crush on her.

**_Screaming, shoving._ **

**_TJ on the ground, a sheet over his head, sobbing quietly as something is poured onto his head._ **

**_Yelling, someone grabs me, my head hits something._ **

**_Ringing in my ears, can’t find Carl or Leo._ **

I snap out of it, shutting my eyes for a second, trying to will away the headache that’s suddenly making my head pound.

“They aren’t as bad as when we were kids,” Leo says, his eyes narrowed at Jenna, who has her arms crossed with her usual stern expression she saves for when we’ve done something she doesn’t like or thinks is stupid.

“Given the racial and homophobic slurs, cigarette burns, and physical altercations, I really have to wonder what your definition of ‘not as bad’ is.”

“Can you both just stop?” I snap. “Is all of us trying to get along just  _ too much _ for me to fucking ask for?” They both go quiet, and TJ doesn’t complain about my language.

“... _ lo siento, chula.” _ Leo mutters, his ears flattened, and Jenna nods in agreement, her gaze on the ground. I sigh and shut my eyes, rubbing them.

“No, it’s fine. I just...I really just want to end today on a good note, you know?” I’m aware of how selfish that sounds, but it’s true. I look over to Leo. “Can we please just go home?” He nods. We say quick goodbyes to TJ and Jenna, and then we head towards Leo’s van.

* * *

God,  _ nothing _ feels better than a hot shower after a long day. I don’t even bother getting dressed except for underwear once I get out of the shower, and based on the look Leo’s giving me, he doesn’t mind.

“See anything you like?” I grin at him, and he chuckles.

“Nothing that I don’t already own.” My grin fades, as does his, and he grimaces. “I swear that sounded less creepy in my head. Fuck, now I feel like an ass.” I laugh and walk over, sitting next to him on the couch and leaning onto his arm.

“It’s fine, Leo, really.” We stay like that, in comfortable silence, for a few minutes before Leo checks the time on his phone.

“Mm. Sure you don’t want to come with me?” He asks after a moment. “Rachel’s always asking about you.” I nod, shifting as he lifts his arm to wrap it around me, pulling me to his side so my head is against his chest.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Maybe we can make time for it another night?” I suggest, my eyelids feeling heavy as I settle against his warm, soft fur, a contrast to the hard muscles beneath...and yet, he’s nicer than any pillow I’ve ever slept on. I don’t even realize I’m already half-asleep before I hear him laugh softly and kiss the top of my head.

“Sleepy, otter?” He asks, his tone playfully teasing as he rubs my side. I can’t even find the energy to reply verbally, so I just nod. “Come on, then, let’s get you to bed…”

At the moment, moving to get up and walk with him to the bedroom feels like the hardest thing in the world, but a part of me remains confident that tomorrow I’ll be  _ wishing _ everything could be so simple.

Leo says something to me as I lie down on the bed, but he sounds muffled, far away as I quickly drift off.

* * *

_ I don’t know how long I’ve been walking...well, really, stumbling, down the road, still calling for Carl, for Leo, for help from anyone that will hear and give a shit, that TJ’s in trouble and we need to get someone that can help. _

_ The sky is red. I don’t know why that doesn’t concern me like it probably should, but all I can think of is that I need to find Leo and Carl. Need to help TJ. _

_ The van seems to appear before me like an apparition; like one second it wasn’t there, and then it was. Maybe I just blacked out for a few minutes as I trudged along, my voice hoarse and shaky as I call out for help. _

_ There’s a red light coming from the windows, and I think that if I wasn’t suffering from a head injury, I might have had the common sense to turn around and run away from the creepy glowing van in the middle of who-the-fuck-knows-where. _

_ But instead, I ignore every nerve in my body screaming at me to leave and do just the opposite, stepping closer to the back doors and peering into one of the windows. _

_ I see a blinking red light. A tiny window, where an odd form lies within. I soon realize that it’s two bodies, writhing around. _

_ There’s a clap and a cry, and I say something then, but I can’t hear my own voice. The noises stop. The bodies stop. The noises of the night around me stop. _

_ I fall backwards as the van’s doors fling open, and the red light and the bodies are gone, replaced by a deep, inky darkness...except for dozens of beady, gleaming eyes...and then I hear something. A voice. My voice. _

_ “It’s all your fault.” _

* * *

In a strange, but admittedly nice, change of pace, I don’t wake up screaming. But in a slightly-less-pleasant twist to that, I’m also alone. I can’t have been asleep for very long, then. I slowly sit up and stretch, looking out the window. It was still about an hour until sunset when I crashed, and right now the sunset is just starting to give way to nightfall. So...maybe two hours? One and a half? I’m not sure, but I feel that bleary kind of tired after a too-short rest, where your vision is a little blurry until you rub at your eyes a bit.

I really want to go for a walk right now. I can’t explain it, but to be honest I’m still too tired and unwilling to stay in this trailer alone any longer than I have to. I can always bother Kudzu, I guess, but I’ve never really talked to him without Leo present, so I’m not sure if he really even likes me all that much. I’m probably too much of an asshole for his tastes.

I guess the voice in my head is tired too, because it doesn’t comment.

...note to self; do not refer to your intrusive thoughts as ‘the voice in your head’. Jesus fuck, Chase.

* * *

The walk to the railyard really isn’t that far. Even at night, I can make out the shape of the abandoned train car that me and Leo always sit at when we go there. It’s quiet and, with a rare exception now and then, isolated. I think Leo mentioned bringing Kudzu to it once just to hang out, but that was almost two years ago now, and I don’t think Kudzu’s gone to it since.

Even the nights in Echo are pretty warm, and it definitely doesn’t help that it’s spring (summers in Echo, I firmly believe, are the closest one can possibly get to Hell on Earth), but it really isn’t bad, so I didn’t bother to get dressed in anything besides a v-neck and cargo shorts. Carl used to joke that it was my ‘npc’ outfit, and honestly, he’s right. It’s what I throw on when I can’t be bothered to wear anything nice.

It’s nice to hear the nightlife in Echo, and the stars are beautiful, but at the moment I’m mostly just having this walk to take my mind off of my dream. Well, not even really a dream. A memory.

It was just hours before me and Leo got together that we found out that he and Flynn were invited to a party, but while Flynn had passed on it to check on Jenna (back when her name was Jasmynn) at home, Leo had gone to it without telling us. When Carl, TJ, and I got there though, we couldn’t find him. Then TJ had spotted Heather and given her a hug, but she hadn’t seen him and he was wearing a costume, so she freaked out, and everything went to Hell from there. I ended up taking a hit to the head and wandering out onto the road. Then I found the van, with the red light and the noises...the writhing bodies...but everything after that was a hallucination I’d had, because I woke up back in the building the party was being thrown at, with Leo by my side.

I snap out of it when I nearly trip on the rails, then laugh and step over them, heading to the abandoned car.

Someone else is there, sitting in the open doorway.

I freeze, wondering if they can see me, but then realize that’s a stupid question. Of course they can. It isn’t  _ that _ dark. I try to take a better look at them, still not speaking. I see a pair of feline ears, a thin body, and a long tail...I realize who it is at the same time that I think they recognize me, and the figure visibly relaxes as I call his name.

“Clint?”

“Chase.” I sigh and step a bit closer, then pause, wondering if he’s not in the mood for company. “The fuck are you standin’ there for? Sit down.” Nevermind. I walk over to the car and boost myself up, sitting with about two feet of space between me and him. “Heard Jasmynn’s back in town.”

“Yeah, her and TJ.” I look over at him, the closer proximity allowing me to see him a bit better. He’s gotten a bit thinner since high school, but overall doesn’t look unhealthy, save for a few scars here and there from fights, and I  _ think _ I can smell weed on him. It’s not strong, though, so he’s probably not high. “Does Jeremy know?”

“‘Course he does. Nothin’ stays a secret around here for long before some loudmouth runs their fuckin’ trap.” I guess I would normally argue on principle, but he’s right. “He knows she won’t see him, but I still think he hopes for it, you know?”

“Yeah…” I look down at the ground, thinking about that. Is it possible Jenna will visit her brother? Yes. Is it likely? Hell no. “Maybe I could talk to her about it.”

“Nah. No reason to give Jeremy false hope.” Clint pulls something out of his pocket. “Got a light?”

“I don’t smoke.”

“Fuck.” He puts the object, almost definitely a joint, back into his pocket. “Keep forgettin’ that. Where’s, uh…” He looks around for a moment, and I realize what he’s going to ask before it leaves his mouth.

“Leo’s at Duke’s.” Clint relaxes again and nods. We may have exaggerated a bit to Jenna about talking with Clint, Jeremy, and Heather. I honestly haven’t see Jeremy in years, and Heather sparingly. I don’t ‘hang out’ with Clint so much as find him somewhere and manage to have a non-hostile conversation. Most of the time. Every now and then it’ll feel like high school again, with him angrily demanding that I keep my ‘fag paws’ away from him. I don’t pay it any mind, and just walk away. Better than what I would’ve done when we were kids.

Well, really, better than what  _ Leo _ would have done. He  _ tolerates _ Clint more than anything else, and the ringtail knows not to act like an asshole when the wolf is around. Clint has the scars to prove Leo’s temper. Literally, in a couple of places. To this day I wonder if Leo ever caused permanent brain damage from the time he slammed Clint’s head into a tree. Or gave him a concussion (and broken nose) the time he burned me with a cigarette.

“I think I’m going nuts, Clint.” I laugh a little bit, and he looks at me, but doesn’t say anything. “Remember when Micha would call me ‘Schizo’?” He nods. “I still see stuff. Every now and then. Still wake up screaming some nights. It fucking sucks.” Another nod. “And the worst part’s that I didn’t tell Leo until a few days ago. I can’t talk to him for anything, as it turns out.” He looks away at that, and I let out another humorless laugh. “Sorry to dump that on you.”

“Don’t worry about it. Hell, if I had a lighter I’d  _ give you _ my blunt. Seems like you could use it more than me.” Then he laughs. It’s a harsh sound, and it’s more bitter than amused, but the fact that he did it at all is a surprise. “Ain’t that sayin’ something.” He looks at me as he slides back to the ground. “Micha’s back, by the way.” I raise my eyebrows.

“Wait, seriously?” Micha disappeared years ago. Back then, I’d been more or less happy about it. He’d always been one of our bullies as kids. Not quite as bad as Jeremy or Clint, but up there. Part of me wondered what happened, but a bigger part didn’t care. I could be a real asshole back then.

_ You still can be. _

That...is not a very critical thought. Weird.

“Yeah. Thought you should know if you come around Jasmynn Street with, uh...her name ain’t Jasmynn anymore though, is it?”

“No. It’s Jenna.”

“Fuck me, kept forgettin’ about that, too.” This time I laugh with him, because it’s a real one. “Well, if you or her decide to come around, keep that in mind.”

“Yep. Goodnight, Clint.” I watch him walk away a few steps, but then he stops at the rails. He looks down at them, then back at me.

“You ever jumped a train, Chase?” I frown. That came out of left field.

“A  _ moving _ train? No.”

“Well, a piece of advice for if you ever do. Don’t lose your balance. Might end up fallin’ under the train. Used to be lots of people that’d jump trains to get where they wanted to go, but every now and then…” I imagine what it would be like to fall beneath the wheels of a train, and a shiver runs down my back.

“Why are you telling me this?” He shrugs, but I can tell from here he’s grinning.

“If you gotta have nightmares, might as well give you a little more fuel for ‘em.”

“Fuck you,” I say, but I’m grinning too. He just laughs and keeps walking, giving me a short wave as he goes.

I sit in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the sights and sounds of the night.

Then I slide to the ground and begin the walk back home.

It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, everyone. I've been having a pretty rough work schedule, so production of this chapter slowed to a crawl. I tried to make it as long as possible so it was worth the wait.
> 
> I hope all of you enjoy it!


	10. Joke Gone Wrong (Tuesday Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chase and Leo make very, very slow progress, a prank by Jenna goes wrong, and Chase gains another problem to add to his list.

The plan, while reliant on me being very strict with how I use my time, is simple; go on a hike with Teej, Jenna, and Leo. Go home by myself to shower, then head up to Carl’s place to hang out while Leo calls Flynn to fill him in on the plan, and they all shop for gifts. Long-winded, yeah, but all in all pretty simple.

Now, if I could only get myself to stop worrying that it’ll all go wrong somehow.

I mean, I’m already sweating so much it looks like I had water poured all over me (although admittedly TJ  _ has _ poured water on me a couple of times now just to be safe), and my stubbyass legs make walking uphill a living Hell. I think the least I can do for myself is try to have a bit more of a positive outlook about how today will go.

“You alright,  _ chula?”  _ Leo asks, looking back at me. He and Jenna are taking the lead, while TJ’s only a little ahead of me, water bottles at the ready for if it looks like I’m about to have a heat stroke...which, based on how many concerned glances TJ keeps throwing at me, might as well be seconds from now. I hold my paw up as the lynx reaches towards his pack, shaking my head.

“Not right now, Teej. I’m fine.” I say, nodding towards Leo to make sure he knows I’m not ignoring him. They both still look a bit worried, but Leo looks ahead again and TJ keeps his paws out of his pack for another water bottle. Jenna, on the other hand, seems relatively apathetic...which is most likely because she knows that when I really start to complain is when they actually need to bother with worrying about me. At least, when I’m actively  _ trying _ not to complain anyway. “Is it much further?”

“By our standards?” Jenna asks wryly, throwing a teasing grin back at me. “Or by yours?” I glare at her, but I doubt I look very intimidating even at my angriest, and predictably, all she does is laugh. “No, it isn’t much further. We’re almost at the top.” I roll my eyes and look at TJ, who, to his credit, is making a valiant effort not to laugh.

I know I promised him I’d come, but I hadn’t expected him to want to climb all the way up to Echo Canyon. When I say I’m not built for this kind of thing, I’m not just trying to balk or complain. Otters in  _ general _ aren’t fit for Echo’s climate. The dry air, intense heat, and God, the  _ mountains _ are pains in the ass. Specifically, my ass. How TJ isn’t dying is beyond me. He’s built for colder climates, and yet I think he’s still on his first bottle of water after over an hour of walking.

I’m starting to think something in this town just has it out for me.

“I’ve got to piss,” I announce, looking around for a second for any good spots for privacy’s sake. I can feel TJ’s disapproving look and smile a bit. “‘Piss’ doesn’t count as a swear word, Teej.” Jenna sighs and shakes her head, looking around for a moment before gesturing to a large boulder a few dozen feet off the path.

“Just watch out for scorpions,” she advises...then, with a devious grin, “and tarantulas.” An involuntary shiver runs through me, and I glare at her.

“Thanks Jenna, I needed that.”

“You’re welcome. TJ and I will just go on ahead, but I’m sure Leo wants to stay behind and make sure you know how to pee by yourself.” I feel my face flush, and Leo’s ears pin back a little bit as he gives her a dirty look, which she ignores entirely as she pulls TJ along. I roll my eyes and trudge off to the boulder she’d pointed out, keeping an eye out for arachnids of any kind. I can’t believe I have a phobia of one of the most common creatures in the desert, and lived in a desert most of my life. Like I said, something in this town must be out to get me. Or maybe God  _ does _ exist and just decided being friends with TJ doesn’t grant me a freebie from being miserable.

"I really wish she wouldn't do that," Leo grumbles from a few feet behind me. I can see him perfectly in my head; arms crossed, slight frown, downcast eyes, lowered ears...I turn my head to look at him and, sure enough, that's what he's doing.

"Me too, but that's always been how she is. And not just with me." I step around the boulder and unzip my shorts, and Leo lets out a short laugh.

"Why the privacy barrier? Nothing I haven't seen before." I look at him, raising my eyebrow.

“You  _ want _ to watch me pee? And here I thought I knew everything you’re into.” Leo grins at me, looking just a little embarrassed.

“Nah, you know pretty much everything. Granted, you don’t  _ indulge _ me in everything I like…” I can’t help but roll my eyes at his poor attempt at tactfulness.

“I don’t want to have sex in front of a camera, Leo.”

“What’s wrong with it?” He asks, immediately starting to sound defensive.

“Nothing’s  _ wrong _ with it, but I just...I don’t like the thought of doing it, okay?” We’ve had this conversation before, but every now and then Leo finds a way to bring it back up.

“Why don’t you? What makes you hate the idea of trying it so much?” I shrug and turn towards him, zipping my shorts back up. This conversation clearly isn’t going to end within the next few seconds.

“I don’t know, Leo.” I try to think of a reason, and finally just shrug and make a vague gesture with my hand. “Performance anxiety?” Leo’s incredulous expression makes it clear that it sounds as stupid out loud as it did in my head, but it was all I could think of.

“Performance anxiety about  _ what? _ I wouldn’t be showing it to anyone else.”

“I know, but it...it makes me feel weird, okay? Can we just not talk about this right now?” Leo crosses his arms, giving me a look that isn’t quite a glare.

“I thought you wanted us to communicate more?” Christ. Seriously? I glare right back at him.

“I can think of much more important things for us to talk about than why I won’t let you record us going at it.”

“Like what, Chase?” This would be a perfect way to get past this if it were literally any other time. But I’m sweating like crazy, smell like roadkill, I  _ really _ have to piss, and Jenna and TJ are waiting on us.

“Just...go catch up with them. I’ll be fine.” He must finally realize that this is pissing me off a little, because he drops the guarded stance and sighs, raising his paw to his face and taking a few more breaths.

“...okay, otter. Just be careful, alright?” He turns and heads back to the path without waiting for me to answer.

* * *

Teej and Jenna are sitting down on an old stone bench when I catch up with them. TJ takes one look at me and immediately grabs a water bottle, jogging over and upturning it over my head. I let out a laugh at his urgency, but I won’t deny that the water feels really good, so I thank him.

“You’re welcome,” he smiles at me and sits back down by Jenna, who’s rifling through her purse. After a moment, she pulls out a white aerosol can with pink flowers all over it. Deodorant. She sprays herself for a bit, but her eyes are on me, and I quickly realize what she’s doing, and my face flushes with embarrassment...though I appreciate her being more discreet about telling me. I wait for TJ to look away and then quickly mime that I forgot mine. She shakes her head with an amused smile and sets the can down by her. I quickly walk over and take it, spraying under my arms. There are a couple of other places I should probably spray, but female deodorant isn’t as strong, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable using Jenna’s for it anyway...also I don’t want to smell any more like a girl than I’m sure I already do now. I hand her back the can and step away, looking around.

“So, uh...where’s Leo?” I ask. Jenna sighs and gestures farther down the clearing, closer to the cliff edge.

“Went to go brood about whatever it is you did to upset him this time. Barely even looked at us when we got here.” She shakes her head and rummages through her purse a bit more. “I didn’t bother talking to him either. When he’s like this he only ever listens to you.” She gives me a pointed glance, and I look over towards the edge of the canyon, where I can, in fact, see Leo standing slouched over, paws jammed into his pockets. His ears and tail are low.

“Okay...but, uh...if we start to fight, or something, you guys should probably leave…” I trail off and look back over to them, starting a bit when I see the growing alarm on their faces. “Oh Christ, guys, that’s not what I meant! I just...you don’t really want to just sit here and pretend you can’t hear it if we yell at each other, do you?” TJ’s gaze lowers to the ground, and Jenna crosses her arms.

“...fine. If we hear one of you yelling we’ll head back without you.” She doesn’t sound happy about it, but I nod and turn away, walking towards Leo.

I know he hears me, because his ears perk up and flick towards me, but he doesn’t say anything until I’m next to him.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” He asks. I look out over the edge of the canyon, just a few feet in front of us.

Echo Canyon  _ is _ probably the most impressive thing about the town...but, truthfully, that isn’t saying much. It doesn’t even echo your voice back to you properly. No matter how loud you shout, all you get in return is an odd, distorted, raspy version of whatever it is you said.

“...it’s about as beautiful as anything else here is,” I say bluntly, looking up at him. He just lets out a sigh, closing his eyes for a moment. “Leo, you can’t be so upset over something as stupid as me not being into all of the same things as you. Is sex  _ that _ important?”

“No.”

“Then what is this about?”

“You said you want us to communicate more...but talking about bigger things is probably...too big of a first step. So I thought…” He trails off, and after a moment, I get it.

“Leo...you could’ve just told me you wanted to talk…”

“I know, but I...it’s hard for me too, you know? It’s so easy to just...just  _ look _ at you and feel like everything is okay, like every problem I have is fixable, so I...try to forget about them and only focus on you. On us.”

“Yeah...me too.” I look down at my feet, frowning. This...should feel good, right? We’re being honest about the problem. That’s probably another step to moving past this, aren’t we?

But...I don’t feel any better. Something...doesn’t feel right, and I don’t know what it is, but it’s nagging at the back of my head. What’s wrong with me?

_ That’s a loaded question, isn’t it? _

Fuck off.

“I love you,” he says. I look up at Leo and smile...although he isn’t looking at me.

“I love you too.” He wraps an arm around me and pulls me against his side...and then he stiffens.

“...you smell like a girl.” I groan.

“Goddamn it.” I look up at him with a nervous laugh, but he looks...upset. “Uh...are you okay, Leo?” He doesn’t answer me, instead looking back towards Jenna. Oh.  _ Oh. _ “She let me borrow her deodorant, Leo. I forgot mine at home.” He relaxes a little bit at that, but still doesn’t look happy. “Oh come on, Leo, we’ve been dating since I was fifteen and living together since I was eighteen, are you  _ really _ getting jealous right now?” He grunts and shakes his head. “Then what’s wrong?”

“I think she’s trying to  _ make _ me jealous.” I frown and look over towards Jenna and TJ as well. They’re talking about something or other, and pointedly not looking in our direction.

“Why would you think that? I know she likes to get a rise out of you now and then with dumb competitions, but-”

“Forget it.” He steps away from me, his big muscles still tensed as he walked back towards them. Shit. I sigh and follow him.

As we get closer, I see that Jenna has her phone pulled out, and I frown.

“Did the ‘no technology’ rule only apply to us for this?” I ask, a bit more rudely than I meant to. Her eyebrows raise a bit, and her sky-blue eyes slide over to Leo, who’s standing off to the side with his arms crossed.

“I take it the talk wasn’t especially productive?”

“Could you not?” Then I add, “Please?” She frowns, but then shrugs and looks back to her phone, grimacing a bit.

“Fine. Chase, would you mind finding some wipes in my purse? I need to clean off my phone’s screen.” I really don’t know why she doesn’t get it herself--her purse is on the ground less than two feet in front of her--but I give her a thumbs-up and kneel down to open it. I hear Leo move behind me.

“Chase, wait-” I open the purse up and reach into it blindly, expecting to feel the large metal cylinder in my paw immediately.

What I feel instead is large, rough...and hairy. I freeze, my breath hitching as I realize what exactly it is.

And then it moves.

I scream and yank my hand out of Jenna’s bag, stumbling back and nearly falling before Leo catches me, his whole body tensed up.

“ _ It’s a fucking spider!”  _ I yell, my heart pounding.

“Chase, it’s fake.” He says firmly, anger not-very-well-hidden in his voice.

“ _ What?”  _ And then I see Jenna, covering her muzzle with one paw to hide her smile, the other holding her cell phone, the camera pointed towards me. TJ isn’t looking at me at all, his gaze fixed to the ground as he rubbed his arm with a paw, his expression guilty. As I register what Leo’s talking about, a spark of anger starts in my stomach, but mostly I’m just relieved. “How...how did you get it to move?” Jenna’s smile becomes bemused, and TJ looks at me with wide eyes.

“Um...what?” The relief vanishes, and a cold feeling settles in my gut. Leo holds onto me a bit tighter and growls.

“Stop fucking around with him, Jenna, that wasn’t-”

“Leo, I don’t know what he’s talking about.”

“Bullshit!”

“Maybe...maybe I just…” I manage to let out a nervous laugh. “Maybe I just imagined it, then…” Jenna nods, but her eyes flick warily towards her bag. She slowly leans down and pries it open. AFter a moment, her eyes widen and she jumps back.

“Oh, shit!” She quickly moves over to the other side of TJ. “How the Hell did that get in there?!”

“I don’t know!” TJ stands up too, his eyes wide as he stares at the bag. Leo and I both back away, the wolf letting go of me enough that I can move behind him a bit, that cold feeling now filling my chest and stomach, my breaths quick and short.

I touched it.

I actually reached in and touched a live fucking tarantula.

“What’re we going to do?” Jenna asks, now significantly calmer, but still uncomfortable. “I can’t just leave that thing in my bag!”

“Just open it and turn it onto the side. Maybe it’ll crawl out.” Leo doesn’t sound especially sympathetic, and Jenna notices this, but she decides not to comment on that as TJ shakes his head.

“What if it bites her as she opens the bag? Or, if we scared it, it’ll probably stay in the bag anyway for safety.”

“It’s your own fault for putting it in there.”  _ Now _ Jenna glares at him.

“I didn’t, Leo. I bought a dumb toy one at a gift shop. WHy would I put a  _ live spider _ in my bag?”

“Wouldn’t be the shittiest thing you’ve done for a prank.”

“This isn’t going to fix the problem!” TJ interrupts them.

“Maybe just...grab the bag from the bottom and flip it over?” I suggest, my voice a bit shaky. “We’ll help you pick up everything…” I sound like a little kid, and I cringe inwardly as I realize it. After a moment’s hesitation, Jenna looks back to her bag and nods.

She slowly grabs the bottom of her bag, her arms tensed, and for some reason, I hold my breath, gripping Leo’s shirt tightly in my paw. She flips it over, and then immediately we all realize the problem with doing that...as the spider falls right in front of her bare feet along with everything else in her bag.

It’s hard to tell which of us screams first as the contents of her bag pour out, and I can’t tell where the spider went. I leap up onto Leo’s back with agility I didn’t know I had, which surprises but also greatly amuses Leo.

TJ sprints over to a small boulder nearby and leaps onto it, his claws bared.

Jenna drops her bag and jumps up onto the bench, her fur raised.

We all stay that way, with only Leo not moving for cover, all of us staring at the pile of Jenna’s things...and then, finally, movement near the sagebrush as the probably freaked out tarantula scuttles off into the desert. As soon as I point it out, everyone is visibly relieved. We stay silent for awhile, and then I speak up, unable to keep a small grin off of my face.

“...we’re all gonna ignore that I have a girlier scream than Jenna, right?” Leo is the first to laugh, then me, and then Jenna and TJ join in.

“I, for one,” Jenna says as we all finally stop, “have had enough of the ‘great outdoors’ for a while.”

“Fucking  _ thank you _ .” I reply, still not climbing down from Leo’s back. The wolf laughs.

“I didn’t know you could jump that high,  _ chula. _ ”

“I didn’t either.”

“You gonna get down now?”

“Until we get to the car, absolutely not.”

* * *

After stopping by the diner to quickly get something to eat, I head back home myself while the others head to the mall in Payton to buy Carl some presents for the party, and probably a cake.

I keep thinking about different ways to distract him or keep him from being suspicious the entire time I drive over to his mansion, but ultimately I realize I’m overthinking it, thanks to a quick ass-kicking from the asshole part of my brain.

_ He’s been your friend since you were both kids, fuckhead, just act like you’re having a normal hangout. _

Which...okay, good point. I sigh after a moment though, musing over that phrase. ‘A normal hangout’. I don’t think  _ any _ of our hangouts as a group felt normal after Sydney died. My head starts to hurt, and I sigh, quickly rubbing my eyes with my paw.

**_“My parents told me to be careful around Sydney. They said his dad died in a hunting accident, but Sydney was the only one with him when it happened, and all of the adults keep talking about it.”_ **

**_“You were talking about me, weren’t you?! You guys suck!”_ **

**_“Why do you keep hurting him?! Not so funny when it happens to you, huh?!”_ **

**_“I’m glad he’s dead.”_ **

I open my eyes and gasp, swerving the car to miss a cactus just off the side of the road, and then I stop, my eyes wide and my heart pounding. How did I get off of the road so fast?

Then I look around me, and up at the mansion, and I’m  _ much _ closer to it than I was when I stopped to rub my eyes.

I stare up at it...and then into my rearview mirror, at the cactus I almost hit...and then down at my paw, wincing as an aching pain throbs behind my eyes.

What the Hell just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW, this took me so long to write and it isn't even that long. I'm so sorry for the long wait, but I hope it was at least kind of worth it.
> 
> The next chapter will focus on Chase catching up with Carl, and all of the memories of hanging out at the Hendricks mansion that are brought back from that.


	11. Surprise! (Tuesday Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party doesn't go as well as planned, and tensions are rising...now if only Chase could pinpoint why, as things start to get worse for him as well.

The first thing Carl does when he opens his front door is give me a hug. At first I can’t think of anything to do except stand there awkwardly, but soon common sense kicks in, and I hug him back, and God, it feels so _good._ The scruff of his beard scratches against my cheek, and it only makes the already unbearable heat worse, but Carl is soft, with strong muscles underneath that I can feel as he squeezes me.

I guess I should view this as a little odd; he’s not usually so affectionate. My first guess is that he might be high, but his eyes aren’t red, and he doesn’t smell like weed, which is...definitely weird. When we separate, he’s grinning at me.

“What’s up, Chase?” He asks, already moving to let me past him into the mansion.

It looks almost exactly like I remember...except they got even newer appliances, and there are fast food wrappers _everywhere._ When’s the last time his parents were here again?

“Uh, not much, just...wanted to hang out.” I turn to him with a smile, hoping I didn’t look judgy or something when I was looking around. “Just you and me.”

“Sounds like the last porno I watched.”

“Oh _Christ,_ Carl.” He just grins at me, and I can’t help but grin back. “It wasn’t that funny.”

“I know.” I just roll my eyes, still grinning as I head up the stairs (the wood has several cloven-shaped indents in it, and I thank whatever’s up there that I don’t have to deal with having horns and hooves) towards his room. “So, uh…” I stop, wondering if I should ask him, and then decide it’d be better to at least let him know I still care, so I turn back towards him just as he’s beginning to climb the stairs behind me. “Are you okay?” I really should’ve been asking this yesterday, but I’ve been told before that I have a bit of a one-track mind, and I was mostly thinking about how to talk sense into Flynn. “After, you know, yesterday I mean.”

“Yeah, fine.” Carl digs his paws into his hoodie pocket and shrugs. “Just like old times, really.”

“No, it wasn’t. It was worse. You’re probably the best out of all of us at not letting things bother you, but what he said-”

“It’s fine, Chase. He came over this morning to apologize.” He seems to find the surprise on my face funny. “He had to leave for work, though.” I wonder if he actually did or if that’s Flynn trying to cover up the party preparations. I don’t realize I’ve been standing with my mouth hanging open like an idiot until Carl ascends the stairs past me, clapping my shoulder as he goes. “I don’t know what you said to him, but it worked.”

“Uh...thank you?” I follow him up there, wondering if I’m imagining the slight bitterness in his tone.

“Yep. Wanna play a game? Got a new one a couple of weeks ago I think you’ll like...just don’t tell Leo about it.”

“...is it one of those X-rated dating sims?”

“Psh, nah.” I stop and look up at him. He looks back at me and lets out a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Heh. Maybe.”

“...we really need to get you laid.” I shake my head, grinning at him, but it drops as he quickly looks away, his next laugh sounding a lot more...embarrassed? Oh. Oh! “Wow, seriously? Who’s the lucky girl? Or guy?” Carl waves a paw dismissively and turns away to keep going.

“Just a, uh...friend with benefits. Nobody you know, anyway.” Given I’ve lived in this town literally my whole life, I doubt that, but I decide to let it go. “So, uh...wanna try it?”

“...you know what? Sure. Why not?” Leo isn’t especially jealous though, except when it comes to other wolves, so I wonder why Carl told me not to tell Leo we played.

Ten minutes later, it turns out half of the guys you can bang in this game are wolves. I look over at Carl, my expression deadpan, and he shrugs.

“Carl, is there something you’d like to share involving Leo?”

“Dude, I can’t help that your boyfriend’s hot, but that had nothing to do with why I bought this.”

“Whatever you say.” I finally laugh and just continue playing. “Which one should I pick?”

“Whichever you want.” I look over at him as he leans back, pulling a blunt out of his hoodie pocket and a lighter from his jeans. There it is. He sees me staring and shrugs. “My last one, I might as well have it with a friend around so I can weird you out.”

“Carl, you don’t need drugs to weird me out.”

“Oh well, can’t let this go to waste.” I roll my eyes and turn back to the screen, and then I look at him again.

“Wait, that’s your last one?” He’s already lit up, and he sits back, using his arm for support, lifting his other paw to hold the joint as he takes a drag of it, then turns his head away from me and blows out the smoke before nodding.

“Yep. Gonna hit up Jeremy later today. Don’t tell Jenna.” I raise my paw, holding up three fingers.

“Scout’s honor.”

“‘Scout’s honor’ my fat-”

“Okay, Carl, I promise I won’t.”

“Good.”

“I wish you’d stop doing that,” I mutter as I cycle idly through the guys you can pick in this game and musing to myself that the wolves all look the same except for fur or eye color. And none of them look like Leo either. Wait, why does that even matter?

“It helps me chill, bro, you know that,” Carl replies, breaking me out of that rabbit hole. I put down the controller and look at him.

“I meant calling yourself fat so much.”

“I _am_ fat, Chase. You can lie about a lot of things but lying about how I look isn’t gonna work.”

“That’s not what…” Then it registers, and I stare at him. “Wait, what the Hell is that supposed to mean?” He stares back at me for a moment, uncomprehending, and then it clicks.

“To yourself, I meant. You lie to yourself a lot. Like when you’d vent to me if you and Leo had a fight, and it’d always be about the same thing, and every time, you’d say you were gonna make sure to fix it.” He spreads his arms for emphasis, probably inviting me to challenge what he said.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize he’s right. Jenna had pointed this out to me before as well. Leo and I didn’t fight very often, but it was always more or less about the same thing; our futures.

I had seriously considered leaving. I was ready to. I’d already been accepted by the college in Pueblo, I had more or less _told_ Jenna that I was going before taking the statement back a few months later...but ultimately, I just...I couldn’t. I knew I wouldn’t be a very good mechanic (and I’m not), and I knew I wouldn’t grow to hate this town any less (and I haven’t), but...I couldn’t leave Leo behind. I couldn’t bring myself to break his heart when we’d been planning something like living together since long before we were dating. He was my best friend before he was my boyfriend, and I told myself that was the reason I couldn’t leave him. Although...I think part of me still thinks I can convince him to go with me. Is that a lie too?

“Dude, I wasn’t saying that to be an asshole, I just…” I look at him, but can’t make myself smile. He stares at me for a second, then groans and rubs his eyes. “Shit. Forget I said that.”

But that’d be like lying too, wouldn’t it?

_As if you had a problem doing that before._

I sigh and look towards one of Carl’s shelves, and a pile of VHS tapes catch my eye; they all have strips of white paper on them, with titles scrawled on the paper in faded sharpie.

“Are those your dad’s home videos?” I ask, nodding towards them. Carl actually grins and gets up, walking over to his computer.

“Wanna watch a few of them? I had them digitalized to my computer.”

“Sure, sounds fun.” Now I can’t help but smile. It’ll be good to see how much fun we used to have here as kids.

The first one that plays immediately brings back memories. We were all in the backyard for Carl’s birthday party, and his parents gave us all water guns to use.

We sit in silence, watching ourselves run around, screaming and laughing...and then when Carl and I are both in the frame, younger me takes a look from his own water pistol to Carl’s much larger one, and I feel a pit form in my stomach just as Carl’s dad speaks, chuckling a little.

“Let’s see how long it takes for him to convince Carl to trade.”

The answer? Two minutes.

“Was I always such an asshole?” I ask, more to myself than to Carl, but he answers immediately.

“You weren’t as bad as you probably think you were.” Somehow, that doesn’t make me feel better.

And then Sydney’s in the frame, chasing after us, laughing gleefully as he sprays us both, and Carl’s dad speaks in a tone that’s...definitely not as friendly.

“There’s that Mormon boy.” Now the silence between us is a lot more tense, and Carl stops the video, looking almost sick.

“Shit, I didn't know that he said that. Sorry, Chase.”

“It’s fine…” I look down at my paws for a moment, waiting for Carl to press play or switch to another video. He doesn’t. “I wish he were still here.” Carl is quiet for a few seconds.

“Me too.”

Maybe things would be better if he was still alive. How different would things be? I can’t imagine Leo being any less overprotective, or Flynn being any less...hot-tempered. Jenna would’ve probably still run away, TJ would probably still be sheltered by his parents, but...would Leo and I have ever started dating if Sydney hadn’t died?

_Always thinking about yourself first._

I don’t know how long we sit here, in complete silence except for Carl’s breaths as he continues to smoke...and even that stops after a while. But eventually, Carl shifts and pulls out his phone, typing away at it. I look over at him.

“Is that Jeremy?” Carl nods as he hits send. I wait. His phone beeps, and he reads something before sending another, much shorter text and sends it. “Want me to go with you?” Carl looks over at me, seeming...a bit uneasy.

“You sure?”

“What else am I gonna do here, Carl? Talk to the ghost in the basement?” Carl cringes, and I want to punch myself in the face. “Sorry.” I hadn’t meant for it to sound like I was making fun of him. Honestly, of all the places in Echo that might be haunted, the mansion belonging to the richest family in the town would probably be it.

Well, that and the old school.

* * *

Honestly, Jasmynn Street is far too pretty of a name for this particular part of town. We all prefer Flynn’s name for it: Tetanus Alley.

It’s all run-down trailers and junked cars. Fun fact; in Tetanus Alley you’re never more than two feet from shards of glass and jagged chunks of rusted metal at any given moment. Hence the nickname.

I’m honestly impressed that Jenna’s dad was the only one running a meth lab in this part of town before he disappeared, and since then, nobody else (as far as I know) picked up where he left off. From what I understand, Jeremy and Clint limit themselves to weed and a couple of other things that I suspect they have to go to Payton to get, like LSD and other party drugs...not that this town has many things to throw parties over. I think there have been other Day of the Dead parties since the one on the night we got together, but Leo doesn’t really believe in that sort of thing, so we’ve never checked any of them out.

"So do you buy anything besides weed from Jeremy?" I ask in an awkward attempt at conversation. It always makes me uneasy to be at this place, even though it's been years and Jenna's dad isn't around anymore...and Jeremy and Clint aren't nearly as bad as they used to be. Micha, though…

"Just weed." He side-eyes me with a smirk. "You can admit you're scared, Chase."

"Micah's back. Clint told me." Carl is quiet for a moment.

"...shit. Why'd you come here, then?"

"I didn't want you to go alone."

"I do this all the time."

"Just without me around." He stays quiet at that, paws jammed in his hoodie pocket. I sigh and look down as we walk, stepping around a few bits of glass in the middle of the dirt road. How anybody drives through this street I’ll never know.

Soon I start to hear some people talking...or, well, arguing really. Their voices are raised, so they’re not quite yelling, but pretty close to it. I look over at Carl, but he doesn’t seem fazed, a stark contrast to how jumpy he used to be when we’d come here.

We round the corner of one of the houses just in time to see Clint arguing with a gray-furred bat with white hair, while Jeremy and Heather are sitting around an empty firepit in tiny chairs that I recognize as belonging to Jenna when we were kids. I stare at the bat, because while he’s gotten a bit taller since Freshman year, Micha isn’t much taller than TJ. His arms are covered in tattoos, and his clothes make him look like he’s headed to a punk concert or something.

Jeremy looks up and notices us, then turns to Clint and Micha.

“Both of you, shut up! Carl’s here.” The two fall silent, glaring at each other before they turn to face us, their eyes falling first on Carl, then on me. I just cross my arms and let Carl do the talking as he steps closer to Jeremy...or, at least, that was the plan before Heather stands up and walks over to me with a smile.

“Hey, Chase! How’re you and Leo?” I’m...a little caught off-guard (she typically talks to Leo more than to me), but I manage to smile at her.

“We’re good, thanks Heather. How’re you?”

“Oh, you know…” She gestures around us with a decidedly insincere smile (if her lowered ears are any indication) before looking back at the bat. “It’s good to have Micha with us again, though!” He and I lock eyes, neither one of us saying anything for a moment.

“Schizo,” he says, and I glare at him. Still an asshole. What was I expecting?

“Klepto,” Is my response, which seems to piss him off more than I was expecting, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t satisfying. I turn my attention back to Heather, who now looks a little uneasy. “How’s Keith?” She immediately brightens.

“He’s doing great! The liquor store he and Brian set up is still going pretty well, and they still visit now and then.” I’ve never been to that store, but I remember passing by it the night Leo and I started dating, and it had been decently busy. It was probably a relief to not have to go to Payton for anything better than cheap booze that tastes like piss...not that Leo ever seemed to mind the cheap stuff. I look over to Carl, who’s managing to make much quieter conversation with Jeremy, which is...weird, given there’s nobody around to hear us. Carl pulls a wad of cash from his pants pocket and hands it to Jeremy, who quickly counts it before handing Carl the weed. Once he’s done with that, Jeremy looks at me.

“...how’s Jas?”

“Jenna,” I correct him automatically. “And she’s like she always is. Doing better than everyone else.” That gets him to smile.

“Good.” He doesn’t say anything else, so Carl begins to walk away. I wave at Clint and Heather as I follow him.

“Well, that was...awkward.” I mutter. Carl grins.

“You sure shut Micha up quick.”

“We’re adults now, if he wants to act like an asshole I’m not just gonna let him walk all over me.”

“He probably liked you better when you would.”

“I liked _him_ better as a picture on a milk carton.” I look over at Carl, who’s staring at me incredulously. “What?”

“Damn, Chase.”

“He made my life _miserable,_ I’m under no obligation to be nice to him if he hasn’t grown the Hell up by now.” I sigh and pull out my phone to check the time...and I see several messages and missed calls from Leo. Why hadn’t I heard them? I look at an icon at the top of my screen and frown. I don’t remember turning my phone on silent...I take a look at the messages.

_‘r u okay chula’_

_‘where r u?’_

_‘we’re at carl’s house but you guys aren’t answering’_

_‘ur car is here’_

_‘please call me chase’_

Crap. I thank the powers that be for the hundredth time that my phone can get service pretty much anywhere and call Leo as we make it back to the road, towards Carl’s house. Leo picks up on the first ring.

“Chase, are you okay?” He sounds almost frantic, and my heart sinks. I should’ve told him where we were going, but I thought we’d have more time…

_He worries about you and you can’t be bothered to consider how he feels. You don’t deserve him. You don’t deserve any-_

“I’m fine, Leo. Carl and I are just, uh...out for a walk.”

“Where? I can pick you guys up.” I look over at Carl, who already looks like he’s exhausted. It’s no wonder, with him still wearing that hoodie. I’m glad I put on my deodorant before I drove to his place.

“Sure. We’re, uh...we’re at Jasmynn Street.”

“Why the Hell are you over there? _Puchica,_ otter, that place is dangerous!”

“I don’t need a lecture, Leo, please just pick us up.”

“I’m not letting this go, Chase. I’ll be there in a minute.”

I hang up and sigh, looking over to Carl.

“He’ll be here soon.” I stuff my phone back into my pocket and turn to him as he stops. “You turned off that dating sim, right?” He looks back at me warily.

“...I thought you did.”

“...fuck.”

* * *

Leo is pretty quiet when he picks us up. His ears will raise, like he’s about to speak, and I’ll look over at him, waiting, but then his ears will lower again and he stays silent. At one point, I reach over and put my paw on his shoulder. He looks over at me and smiles weakly, but doesn’t respond otherwise. I retract my paw, frowning as I stare out the window. Something’s wrong. He’s overprotective, sure, but he usually doesn’t react this intensely when he doesn’t know where I am. Then again, I usually return his calls when he wants to know where I am. But is he really so upset about that?

_Why shouldn’t he be? You’re just inconsiderate. Selfish._

Seriously, fuck you.

Flynn’s truck is parked next to my car when we pull up to the mansion. Carl looks at us both as we get out.

"Why is Flynn here?"

"You'll see," Leo replies, giving the ram a surprisingly sincere grin as he rushes ahead of us into the mansion. Carl looks at me, but I shrug, feigning cluelessness. I stay behind him as he opens the door.

"Surprise!" Tj yells as soon as we walk in, jumping up from behind the kitchen counter. We both stare at him, and his ears flatten as he glares downwards. "You said you'd jump out with me!" Jenna stands up, grinning widely, and Flynn gets up as well with a smirk, then looks at Carl and spreads his arms out at the counter, which has two cakes and a couple of other treats they probably got at the mall.

"Happy early birthday, Carl." Carl just continues to stare at them, then looks back at me.

"Happy birthday." Is all I say, smiling at him even as a pit forms in my gut. He doesn’t look very thrilled…

“My birthday’s not for two more months…” He mutters, hands in his pocket as he seems to hunch over even more than usual.

“That’s why I said happy _early_ birthday, genius.” Flynn rolls his eyes, but they flick over to me as well, sharing my concern.

“Since Teej and Jenna are only here for the week, we thought it’d be fun to throw you a party.”

“I’ve got the presents!” Leo calls as he comes down the stairs, his thick arms wrapped around a few things hidden in plastic bags. “You left a game on in your room, by the way.” His eyes are on me when he says this, and my face grows hot beneath my fur as he puts the bags down on the island in the middle of the kitchen. He clearly sees how uncomfortable Carl looks, but his grin hardly wavers. “Are you gonna take a look at them or not?” Carl shifts, looking at me again, then walks over to the kitchen, looking more like a kid that’s going into a dentist’s office than someone at their birthday party.

* * *

All in all, their gifts actually weren’t bad. Leo got him a _Luche Lobo_ poster, Flynn bought the cake and a lighter with a ram design etched on it, Jenna got him a manga, TJ bought him a Trinity Weasel action figure (of course), and they all pitched in to get the other treats besides the cake.

The gift Leo bought to say was from me left...quite a bit to be desired. It was a beanie, and Carl loves those...but it was in the colors of the college in Pueblo he went to for a semester before dropping out, with the initials for the school in big, bold lettering on the front. That earned me a look from Carl that I couldn’t quite identify but certainly didn’t like.

Flynn, to his credit, seemed determined to apologize to everyone personally...though he kept pulling them to the side to do it. Leo seemed the most accepting of said apology, but Jenna didn’t look very impressed and TJ barely looked at him, which clearly pissed Flynn off a little bit, but he managed to keep his temper in check...thankfully.

Flynn joins me as I lean back against the sink, watching the others talk as they eat...though Carl isn't saying very much.

"Notice all of Leo's ideas have gone to shit so far?" Flynn remarks, glowering a bit at the wolf. I resist the strong urge to roll my eyes, then decide to change the subject.

"You all did a good job, though." I look up at him and smile. "And thank you. For apologizing to everyone." _'Even if not everyone accepted'_ is a sentence I don't think I need to say, and Flynn's still-slightly-sour expression confirms that. "Hey, I'm sure TJ forgives you. He just…" It occurs to me that if I finish my sentence it might lead into another argument about us babying TJ, so I trail off and stare down at the wooden floors, remembering the time Carl slipped and fell on his ass when he came over to my parents' house and tried to walk on the linoleum floor.

“So what’d you do that’s got Leo so wound up?” Flynn asks after about a minute of silence. “He wouldn’t tell us where you were, and he was kinda pissy after he looked upstairs for you.”

“How did you guys even get in here?”

“Boosted Jenna into an upstairs window.” Flynn raises an eyebrow ridge at me, and he’s got that look on his face where he’s trying not to smirk. “You didn’t answer my question, muskshit.” I sigh, but I can’t help but smile at how ridiculous it’s going to sound. Leo getting jealous is pretty funny, usually because he gets jealous over minor things. Just pop a wolf that isn’t him into any situation involving me and I swear his eyes turn green.

“Before we left I was trying out one of those porn dating sims Carl has and some of the characters were wolves.” As expected, Flynn snorts and finally smiles in amusement, which makes me laugh a little bit as we watch the wolf himself talking to Jenna and an all but silent Carl. “And we were at Tetanus Alley getting more weed for Carl.”

“Why would he be pissed about that?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. He might’ve just been cranky about the game thing.” I hadn’t thought about it before...but is Leo’s jealousy a problem for us as well? I’d only really ever considered our communication to be where the root of the problem was, but...was there more to it?

My gaze moves over to Carl just as Jenna says something, and he slouches over even more, responding quietly as he walks to the stairs and begins to climb them. Flynn and I share a look, and the gila’s scowl deepens as he stares back to Jenna.

“Who pissed in her fucking cereal this morning?” I shake my head and walk towards the stairs. Leo’s eyes meet mine as I begin my ascent, and I smile at him, hoping it doesn’t show on my face how much my thoughts about us are bothering me...but he’s always been great at reading people, especially me, so he doesn’t smile back, concern etched across his features, but I turn away and quickly head up the stairs.

* * *

He’s sitting out on the deck when I find him. I watch him for a moment through the curtains. There’s a small swingset on the deck, and Carl’s sitting on it, staring out at the desert beyond the house. Even from behind the glass door I think I can make out Leo and I’s house. He’s fiddling with the lighter Flynn gave him, the ornate etching glinting in the sunlight as he clicks it on and off, letting the flame flicker to life and then disappear as he releases the button. I can make out smoke rising up from his lap. He’s already got a joint lit up.

I slide open the door as quietly as I can and step out onto the deck, shutting the door behind me. His ears twitch, though, so I know that he’s heard me...but he doesn’t turn around. I stay silent for a moment, unsure of what to say.

“Hey…” Is all I manage to get out, and it sounds _painfully_ awkward. When he finally turns to face me, though, he’s smiling like he hasn’t all throughout the party.

“Hey. Shit, thought you were Leo or something for a second.” I cross my arms, raising an eyebrow.

“Would that’ve been a bad thing?” I allow myself to grin a little bit. “Afraid he’d kill you for letting me play your porn game?” That gets an amused snort out of Carl as I move over to the swing and sit beside him.

“Honestly, he might. But nah, that’s not why. He’d have probably just pulled me back to the party.” He’s staring down at the lighter again, turning it over and over in his paws.

“Are you okay?” I ask quietly, as if the others might somehow hear us from inside the house and down the stairs. Carl lets out a short laugh with no real humor in it and leans backwards against the back of the seat.

“Good question, Chase. You’re all asking me that all the time.” I never thought I’d feel _bad_ for displaying care for Carl’s wellbeing, but here I am. I shrug, not looking away from him.

“You just...didn’t seem very happy.” Carl gives me a casual shrug, and it’s a little jarring to see him so relaxed when less than five minutes ago he looked miserable. He raises his joint to his lips, breathes in, holds it for a moment, and then blows it out. The smell is a little overpowering, but I don’t say anything or really respond as the smoke drifts off into the desert air and vanishes.

“I just don’t like crowds, you know that.” I _do_ know that, and I feel even worse about doing this. Flynn was a little out of line blaming it all on Leo, but he _is_ right that everything we’ve tried has gone wrong so far. He doesn’t sound accusing at all, but I’m sure he isn’t thrilled that I didn’t warn him about the party...though that would’ve ruined the ‘surprise’ part of it.

“You’ve been fine around them the past few days, I guess I just thought you’d be okay with it…” It sounds like a weak excuse, and I’m sure he’s aware of that. He just rubs his forehead and sighs, closing his eyes for a moment.

“Yeah, but things weren’t about me the past few days. I just felt a little...put on the spot, I guess.” He shakes his head. “It makes me nervous. Can’t we just have a regular hangout and not make it about me?”

Carl’s social anxiety has never really been something I can relate to. I can understand feeling a little flustered if a crowd of people is staring at me, but if something like that happens to _Carl,_ he straight up just leaves the room...and sometimes even the party itself. The Day of the Dead party back when we were in high school is a perfect example of that. So for him to not like to be in the spotlight during his own birthday party just sounds weird to me...and it’s annoying, because I feel like if I could _understand_ how Carl felt I could help him get over it.

“Do...do I make you feel nervous?” He looks at me, then smiles a little and shakes his head.

“No, Chase. You never do.” For some reason, that makes my chest feel warm, and I look out at the desert beyond the mansion, a smile growing on my muzzle. “I kinda feel guilty, though. You guys threw a party just for a way to include me and I just end up disappointing everybody.”

“You didn’t disappoint anyone, Carl.”

“But you guys can’t just...force me into shit. Everyone’s always hounding me to do something, and I just wanna decide that for myself, you know?” Thankfully, wanting to make decisions for myself _is_ something I can relate to, so my nod is entirely genuine. I look down, pushing my feet against the wooden floor and then raising them up, letting the swing slowly sway. Now I feel worse than ever. Carl’s been my friend my whole life, how did I forget how bad his anxiety is so easily? But at the same time…

“You can’t just sit around and do nothing your whole life.” I look over at him. “It’s good for you to go out and do things.”

“I know that. I worry enough about it myself without everyone else doing it for me.” We look out over the desert, silence settling between us for a little while before Carl speaks up. “Wish I brought more cake with me.”

“Want me to go back in and get you some?” He looks at me with a smirk.

“Are you one of those fat fetishists? Just want me to eat more so my moobs get bigger?”

“I’ve felt your chest, Carl, and ‘moobs’ definitely isn’t the right word for it.”

“Yeah, got your paws all over me.” He leans over and nudges me playfully with his elbow. “Don’t have a crush on my fat ass, do you?”

“Stop calling yourself that.” It’s automatic at this point. Then I look over at him, pretending to stare for a while. He grins and covers his chest dramatically.

“Hey!” He laughs, and I join him. For no real reason other than that it seems like something that might make him feel better, I lean over against him, and he immediately loops an arm around me, paw resting on my shoulder. We stay like that for a moment before the door slides open, nearly making me jump.

“What’re you guys doing out here?” Jenna asks as she steps out, frowning at us and closing the door. She steps in front of us, paws on her hips in a way that reminds me of my mom when I would do something that got me into trouble...which, thinking about it, was fairly often. Carl looks up at her, eyebrows raised.

“What’s up, Jenna?” He asks mildly, raising up the joint to take another hit. Jenna’s sky-blue eyes narrow at it, and her frown deepens.

“We threw this party for you, Carl, you could at least stay downstairs for it.” Her tone is severe, but Carl just shrugs, entirely unfazed...or so it would seem. His grip on my shoulder has tightened just slightly.

“Shit, I thought it was for Leo this whole time.”

“Carl, Leo spent all day yesterday planning this and we spent all day today getting it ready. Get back downstairs and have your party.”

“Jenna, Carl doesn’t-” Carl glances over at me and shakes his head. I go silent as he looks back up at Jenna.

“I don’t think I will.” He’s not smiling anymore. In fact, I’m pretty sure he isn’t even looking at Jenna, but instead past her, at the sky.

“Why not?” Jenna asks. Carl’s eyes finally narrow at Jenna.

“Because I didn’t fucking _ask_ for it!” Jenna’s frown hardens into a glare, and a pit forms in my stomach, but Jenna speaks before I can.

“Well, I’m sorry for trying to be _thoughtful,_ Carl, we’ll be sure to just forget about you next time.”

“Jenna,” I cut in, willing myself not to wince as her glare fixes onto me. “We were just hanging out up here before heading back down, okay?” She doesn’t even respond, turning back on Carl, and I feel myself starting to get annoyed at the same time as I notice the inside of Carl’s ears turning red.

Carl hates conflict even more than crowds. This is literally the _worst_ that this situation could’ve gotten. He stammers slightly as he responds.

“I don’t understand why we couldn’t just do something that wasn’t about-”

“Sorry Carl, but that’s life. Like it or not, sometimes you have to come out of your room.” Christ, why can’t she just lay off? This isn’t helping anything! “Sometimes you have to be the center of attention. And sometimes, _God forbid,_ you have to talk to people.”

“Jenna-” Carl cuts me off.

“Who gives a fuck about whether or not I just stay up here?” Jenna’s expression has progressed past anger into all but _contempt._

“Are you kidding me? _This_ is difficult for you?”

“Jenna, stop.” I say, louder than before. She ignores me again. What the Hell is she doing? She knows how bad Carl’s anxiety is. Why is she acting like this?

“You don’t have a damn _clue_ how good you have it, Carl. If you had so much as a _taste_ of what I went through growing up-”

“Are you blaming _me_ for that?” Carl’s voice is firm again, but his gaze is now fixed firmly on his lap. “We all have our problems, Jenna.” Jenna scoffs.

“Some are easier than others to solve.” Carl finally glares at her, but there’s no real anger behind it.

“You don’t know _shit_ about what I have to deal with.”

“Like being rich?” She’s mocking him now. My heart is pounding now, and my face is hot. What the fuck is her problem?

“Like being _myself._ ”

“How awful! The one thing you have control over!”

“That’s not fucking fair, Jenna, and you know it!” His paws are shaking.

“Neither is _life,_ Carl.”

“What the fuck did I do, Jenna? What did I say?” Instead of responding, Jenna steps closer and snatches the joint from his fingers...and then flicks it back into his face. He flinches, and I stand up.

“Hey!” She turns on her heel and marches towards the door with me right behind her. “Stop fucking _ignoring me!”_ I grab her arm and she whirls on me.

“Stop _enabling_ him, Chase.”

“What the Hell is your problem?! Why do you feel the _need_ to make all of us miserable today?!” She stares at me for a moment, fuming. She yanks her arm from my grasp and turns around, sliding open the door with a loud bang and storms back into the house, slamming the door shut again behind her. I stand there, stunned as my anger slowly fades, and I look back at Carl. He’s staring at the door as well, and then his gaze fixes on me.

“What the fuck was _that?_ ” I shake my head.

“I have no idea.” I look down at the floor nearby him, then walk over and pick up the joint, offering it to him. He takes it, takes a long drag of it, blows it out, and flicks it over the balcony.

I sit down again, then turn towards him and pull him into a tight hug.

He hugs me back, not pulling away for a long time.

* * *

Jenna and TJ left first, with Leo driving them back to the motel before he went home. Flynn stuck around for a bit longer to make sure Carl was okay, then headed out as well.

I left last, giving Carl another tight hug before I did, wishing I could let him know through it how much he means to me...and how much I regret not being here for him.

_He deserves a lot better than you. Three years of not saying shit to him and now you’re suddenly his best friend again. As if you won’t go right back to business as usual once the week is over._

I don’t even play anything on the radio during the drive over. I don’t feel like listening to anything.

I can’t stop thinking about everything Jenna said. What the Hell happened there? What happened for her to be so awful towards Carl? What had he done wrong? Thinking about it still makes me feel a little angry. I’m even starting to get a headache from it, a dull throbbing behind my eyes. I sigh and rub them.

**_“Why do you always treat him like that?! What did he ever do to you?!”_ **

**_“There’s that Mormon boy.”_ **

**_“Just be careful around him, okay Chase?”_ **

**_“Maybe next year we could do something for him?”_ **

**_“I say let’s be fucking happy.”_ **

**_“It’s all your fault.”_ **

I gasp, my lungs burning as if I had stopped breathing, and I look ahead just as my car drifts completely off of the road.

I panic, swerving back towards the road, the sand making my car fishtail as it gets back onto the road, and I slam on the brakes, nearly hitting my head on the steering wheel.

I stare at the road ahead, my eyes wide, the blood drained from my face, my paws shaking...and then I look around. I’d made it quite the distance in the time it took to rub my eyes…

“I guess that stereotype about gay guys driving is true.” A voice remarks next to me.

I swear, in that moment, my heart stops as I slowly look over to the passenger seat.

Sydney’s sitting there, bulky arms crossed over his chest. Now that he’s so close, I notice needlemarks littering his arms, the marks raised up a bit against his brown fur. He grins at me.

“What’s wrong, Chase? You look like you’re about to piss yourself.” He laughs. “Man, if Flynn could see your face right now.”

I can only stare at him, my heart still pounding as I try to process what I’m seeing. This isn’t real. That isn’t Sydney. Sydney’s dead. I went to the funeral myself twelve years ago. All of us did. So who is this? Sydney was about ten when he died...this guy is around my age. Somehow, though, I know this is him.

This is Sydney.

“Why…” I swallow, taking a shaky breath. “Why are you here?”

“What, a guy can’t get a lift home from a friend?” He’s still smirking at me, but it quickly begins to fade, replaced with concern. “Shit, man, you okay? Last time you looked this freaked out was your panic attack in middle school.”

“Who are you?” I ask. “What... _what_ are you?” He stares at me, his face suddenly blank. His icy blue eyes pierce into mine.

“Are you okay, Chase?” He asks after a moment. “Did you hit your head?” He reaches over towards me. I flinch back immediately, and he stops, now glaring at me a little bit. “Fuck, dude, I know I look a little rough but you don’t have to act like I’ve got a fuckin’ disease. I’m just tryin’ to calm you down, you don’t look so good.”

“I...sorry,” I finally croak out. Fuck, this is too weird. What the Hell is wrong with me? These usually don’t last so long...and nothing freaky has happened yet. Idly, I reach to my hip and pinch myself, hard. Nothing. Sydney doesn’t seem to notice, still looking annoyed and...a little hurt. I know I shouldn’t...this isn’t even really Sydney...but it makes me feel bad. “Really, Sydney, I’m sorry. I’m just...freaked out, that’s all.” He finally nods, relaxing a bit.

“Can’t blame you. It’s a fuckin’ miracle I don’t have any diseases with all the shit I used to shoot myself up with. I’m tryin’ to go straight, but it’s _hard,_ you know? Been doin’ it since we were in high school.”

“Yeah…” Somehow, this is calming me down, but gives me an...uneasy feeling as well. What even _is_ this guy? Is this how I picture Sydney as an adult? The thought had never really crossed my mind what Sydney might _look_ like if he were still alive...but at the same time, the idea of him being a junkie isn’t at all surprising. From what little I remember, his parents could be pretty awful. Especially…

**_“Just be careful around him, okay Chase?”_ **

Especially his dad.

“Look man, I don’t wanna bother you for much longer, but think you could get me up to Flynn’s? He’s been lettin’ me stay over the past couple of nights.” Despite myself, I slowly nod, looking around again for a moment-

Someone’s standing on the side of the road, staring at me. I jump, the car lurching a bit as I yelp in surprise and fear, my heart pounding a hundred miles an hour again, and I press on the gas, speeding down the road towards home.

The passenger seat is empty now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to apologize for the long wait for this chapter, and I tried to make it as lengthy as possible to make up for it. I hope you all enjoyed it :)


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